Seattle at Twins. Weekend Round-Up.
Friday: Twins 3, Mariners 1
Saturday: Twins 9, Mariners 5.
Sunday: Twins 4, Mariners 3. (10 innings.)

You know what Batgirl likes?

Winning.

Winning rules. Like you know how we used to win games? And it was awesome? Like that.

Or, say, like this weekend. A crazy thing happened at the Triple H this weekend, my friends, and I do not mean Johan Santana's hair today. (BG understands, Mr. President, humidity does a number on her hair, too. You should see it right now. In fact, why don't you come over?) The Minnesota Twins swept a three game series, which means they won three games in a row. And you know how they did it? This might sounds nuts, but I swear on Batkitty #2 it's true: They won with good pitching, timely hitting, good defense, and Lew Ford.

When Johan Santana allows the most runs of your starting pitchers in a series [oops, not actually true-Jeb], you've had a good week. First the Kid made the Mariners look very, very silly waving their bats around in the general direction of the ball, then Boof "John" Bonser pitched himself into a huge jam with the bases loaded and no outs in the first, then struck them all out just to show them he could. (Note to Radke: please don't try this.) and Johan had an off-start for him, meaning three runs over seven innings and probably needs a spanking.

The leather flashing was pretty awesome, too. Sweetcheeks saved Liriano's scoreless streak, and perhaps the game on Friday with a shoestring catch with the bases loaded, then there was Luis Castillo's triple play (in a good way) featuring a pretty heads-up move by the Doctor and T-Fat, LNP showing his tiny superhero skills at short (Heh. "Short.") and Naked Batting Practice throwing out a runner and skipping with glee and Cuddy saving the game and the Veep's self-esteem with a snow cone catch in the 10th tonight [Mmm….Snow Cone –Jeb], and more that I can't even remember because of all the defense.

While the Twins were impressive, the Seattle Mariners' ability to run themselves out of every potential scoring situation deserves some note here. After awhile, you began to think they were doing it intentionally, like some kind of bizarre performance art without the flagellating yourself with a dildo. Except maybe metaphorically. Luis Castillo tried desperately to make them feel better by getting nabbed on the basepaths twice today, shouting each time, "My comrades! I die for you!" The gesture was not appreciated.

Oh, and the homers! All the homers! The Chairman, the Doctor, Viva Castro, and Cuddles all hit bombs, and at the very end of the game, in the bottom of the tenth with the score tied and the bullpen weary, Lew Fordwalker stepped to the plate and closed his eyes and NBP said, "Lew, you've switched off your targeting computer! What's wrong?" And Lew said, "Nothing, I'm all right," and Mr. Winkles said, "Come on kid, let's blow this thing and go home!" And he does, he does blow this thing. (In a good way.) And the Twins jump up and down at home plate and Batgirl jumps up and down, and all over the universe people dance while fireworks explode over their heads, gnomes dance, the protective cups dance, even the Ewoks dance [[until Jeb goes over to the forest moon of Endor and beats them all over the head with a baseball bat-Jeb]]. And it is beautiful.