Dear Justin:

I don't know how to say this exactly. But my last boyfriend and I were together for a looooooong time. And he wasn't perfect. I mean, there were times all that sticky-and-glib business would get old. You know, like "Oh, Doug, do you have to be Mr. Quotable all the time -- I mean, can't we just hang out?" And like, "oh I'm so funny with my 'mentally dumber' business." And naming your kid "Steel"? " I mean, "STEEL"? What's up with that? So he was weird, okay? But we had a bond -- a first time boyfriend bond. And it's hard to get over that.

I'll be the first to say it: having you as my boyfriend has been a transition. At first I thought you'd be like Corey Koskie -- a fun Canadian. A jolly mountie or something. But where Koskie seemed to have a twinkle, I've looked in your eyes and I must say, where's the twinkle? I could use a twinkle. A twinkle would go a long way. Because while Dougie was quite a talker, you don't talk so much, and what you say doesn't sound so good.

So talking is nice. But you know what's even better than talking? Winning. And you know how you get to winning? Doing. See, the doing is all. And the more you do, the more you have to talk about. And the more you have to talk about, the more you become the Boyfriend of the Day.

Nice slam-o,Dr. J.

Goober/Doctor: 8; Readers/The Field: 7; Batbaby/Torii: 6; Batgirl/Chairman 4; Jeb/ Lewwww3; Sooz/Stewie 2.