Twins at Chicago. Twins 7, Bitch Sox 4.
About two weeks ago, Batgirl was going to post something about this whole Twins-win-all-the-time thing and how we should just enjoy it for what it is and not get too caught up in scoreboard watching, because it was going to be a Herculean task to overcome those ahead of us, and while we may have Curly Haired Canadians and Chairmanesque Catchers and Tiny Super Heroes, we suffer a distinct lack of Herculeses. Or is it Herculi? Whichever. The point is Hercules was given twelve Labors by the king of Argos, acting on behalf of Hera--who was not so crazy about Hercules being alive, seeing as how he was her husband's son with another woman and she was not, as a rule, so fond of that—and these Labors were so deadly, so impossible, that he was supposed to bite it during one of them (I mean you try capturing the Erymanthian Boar!). Hercules made it through all twelve, but you may notice none of these labors was getting back into the playoff race in the AL Central. (Especially when you'd been playing like Ceryneian Hind.)
And—Batgirl was going to say—maybe that's okay. Maybe we should just enjoy winning for its own sake, because this team is more fun to watch than the Twins have been in almost two years, and let's face it: winning nine out of every ten games is fun. You heard it here first.
And—Batgirl was going to say—while she would much prefer to be in a race (she's not going to pull a Mark "I'd rather go home a week early" Buehrle,") there is something nice about just being able to enjoy all the relentless winning without the stress of scoreboard watching. Because stress is bad; it leads to things like overeating and disease and split ends and high blood pressure and drinking and hangnails and twitching—don't forget the twitching—and DEATH, and who needs it, I say? Let's just enjoy watching the team and not worry too much about the postseason, at least until 2007.
And, so, Batgirl was going to say all of this, and it might have sounded good at the time, but she was full of Cretan Bull. Because the Twins are two games back in the wild card race now—and I think it's fairly safe to say that that counts as officially In It.
I'm not saying Hercules wouldn't still be a little intimidated. The Bitch Sox aren't going to sit quietly and watch their lead evaporate, and George Steinbrenner can (and always does) manage to buy enough wins at the end of the season to get in the playoffs somehow. But, you know, tonight as Cuddles and the Doctor went Boom! Boom! to give the Twins the lead, as Radke set them down in the sixth, as Chairman Mauer strode up to the plate and said, "The people need me now," it felt a little like Hercules dumping the rabid Cerberus at the feet of the king of Argos, and saying "Take that, bitch." And the king gets all scared and says, "Please, please, please Hercules, take that monster away from me!" And Hercules says, "But you asked for it," and he says, "Hera made me do it," and Hercules says, "are you going to be nice to me now?" and the king says, "I promise!" and Hercules says, "Because I've got Francisco Liriano in the next room, and I'm not afraid to use him," and then the king starts crying and Hera starts crying too and George Steinbrenner starts crying and it is beautiful.
BatNote: Batgirl has already received several entries for the JOE MAUER SIDEBURN CONTEST. Are you growing your sideburns? Remember, winners will be chosen in TWO categories—Real Sideburns and Creative Expression. Entries are due to Batgirl by July 28, that's FRIDAY.