Kansas City at Twins. Royals 2, Twins Zip.
This entry featured BAD BatCoding that lost half of the content. It's ALL FIXED NOW
When Johan Santana woke up this morning, he felt strange. He couldn't quite put his finger on it, but something seemed to be missing. It was something like when Corey Koskie stole his mojo, yet there was more to it than that. He sat up straight in bed, looked around, and he told himself, This is not my beautiful house! And then he looked in the bed next to him and told himself, This is not my beautiful wife!
He jumped out of bed and took quick stock of himself. He still felt like an All-Star, but suddenly not in a good way. He darted into the bathroom, and a quick look in the mirror showed what was wrong.
He had turned into Mark Redman.
Something terrible had happened. But Johan did not panic; he did not want to let on that anything had happened. So, naturally, there were some crazy shenanigans that morning, including "Mark" reaching for the Frosted Flakes when he hates Frosted Flakes, and totally missing the Redman family's customary post-breakfast ass-grab. But, nonetheless, Johan escaped without raising too much suspicion, and it was time to head to the ballpark.
When he got there, the first thing he did was run into the Twins locker room.
"Hey, Red Man!" said Brad Radke. "What's shaking?"
"Um, hey, Brad. Um, have you seen Johan?"
"Sure! He's in the bathroom. It's weird he's just been staring at himself in the mirror all day long with this crazy smile on his face…"
And then Johan knew beyond a shadow of the doubt what had happened. He tore into the clubhouse bathroom and slammed the bathroom door behind him. And there, standing in front of him, was himself.
"What did you do, you cabron?" spat the real Johan.
The fake Johan threw up his hands.
"I didn't do it! I just woke up like this!" Redman-as-Johan paused, and then added, "It was awesome."
"I don't believe you."
"Come on, Johan, we're the Royals! We can't do anything."
"Good point," said Johan, sighing. "Well, what do we do about it? How do we switch back?"
"Do we have to?"
"Yes!"
"I don't know," said Redman. "I think we have to learn something about each other…and about ourselves."
"That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard."
"That may be, Johan, but one thing is true."
"What?"
"You have to go pitch."
Yes, it's true. Johan Santana had to go out and pitch against his team. And what was he supposed to do? The logical thing would be to go out and trucking buck, but as has well been established, Johan Santana does not know how to trucking buck, and the rest is Kansas City Royals history. By the time the dust had settled, Johan had his first complete game shutout of the season—unfortunately it was against his own team.
After the game, Johan and Redman met up behind the Dome. Redman could barely contain his excitement. "Do you know what you did to my ERA?" he exclaimed. "That was amazing! I've never seen anything like that!"
"Did you learn something about yourself?" asked Johan, dejectedly.
"Yes!" said Redmond. "That I'm awesome.….What about you?"
Johan sighed. "Same thing," he said sorrowfully. "Same thing."