Twins at Boston. Red Sox 6, Twins Goose Egg.

The explosive article about A-Rod made baseball headlines and left the fragile third baseperson a quivering mass of feelings such that when Jason Giambi lumbered into the Yankees clubhouse the day after the article came out, A-Rod--despite all the comebacks he had practiced in the mirror that day--took one look at him and ran into the bathroom crying. Inspired, Minneapolis St. Paul Magazine stationed a reporter in the Twins clubhouse, trying to capture a scoop of their own.

And boy, did they pick the right day. Up until today, the Twins couldn't stop patting each other on the back, but after today's soul-crushing loss versus Boston that cost them exactly no ground in the division race and left them a disgraceful 10-3 in their last thirteen games, the veneer began to crack.

Batgirl was able to obtain an exclusive advance copy of the article, but she warns you, it's not pretty:

"Gardy wants to see you."

Little Nicky Punto was still weak from the hangnail he had suffered that had confined him to his room that afternoon and made him miss the team fieldtrip along the Freedom Walk—not to mention forced him to cancel a recording session for his ringtone endorsement deal—when he walked into Fenway and was told to go to the manager's office.

The shortest and most plucky baseball player was in trouble. He had gone only 1-4 on the night and had provided absolutely no power. His teammates said he seemed insecure, unfocused, and he couldn't step to the plate at Fenway without someone shouting, "You're a wee little #@$!#%, Little Nicky Punto!"

Punto has long been the major league equivalent of the prettiest girl in high school who also gets straight A's. The Punto of September 21, though, was different—unhinged. With his one hit in the game, his numbers look fine, but even Punto admits the statistics can't mask the unbearable pain of the three-at-bat slip into a dark abyss, when he lost his confidence and, some teammates believed, worked a little too hard at keeping up appearances. "A false confidence," said Minnesota first baseman Justin Morneau.

"I can’t help that I'm so plucky," said Punto. "I know that's a bad quote to give, but I can't pretend to be anything but a little ray of sunshine."

Gardy had been patient with his third basemen. He hit .187 for the Mets one year and then .045 the next, giving him a deep understanding of the ebb and flow of performance. Punto will hit, he thought, and he kept telling the third baseman that.

Gardy's trademark placidity ended, though, when Joe Mauer asked to talk to him in Boston. "Skip," he said, "it's time to stop coddling him."

Before Mauer went to Gardy, he had scolded Punto for not getting the big hit.

"What do you mean?" said Punto. "I've had four hits this series!"

"You f------ call those hits?" shrieked Mauer. "You just keep dinking the ball and running around the basepaths like your a— is on fire! What do you think you are, a piranha or something?"

Said one teammate, "I think he ought to get his eyes checked. He's swinging like a blind crap weasel out there."

Said another, "He thinks he's all that, but his theme song is superficial, and frankly derivative."

Said another, "He's such a little #@$!, always running around pulling unicorns out of his a--."

Ask Punto what the source of the scrutiny is, and he'll tell you without blinking, "It's the contract." In the spring, Punto made Minnesota headlines when he signed a one year, .325 million dollar contract. "No one around here had ever seen that kind of money, especially on a dollar to inch ratio. It created a lot of hard feelings."

"Justin Morneau only went 1 for 4 today, and no one's talking about him. He's making the same money as I am. Jason Tyner was 0 for 3 and you don’t hear anyone bitching about him. I don't know what it is—is it because I'm so good-looking, I date supermodels, I'm so good at Pilates, I play on the most popular team…?"

That is the rub. On a team like the Twins, your value is what you've done for the team that day. Under the immense national media scrutiny, everything becomes amplified. The question remains, though, is Punto too emotionally fragile to succeed on a hard nosed, big city team like the Minnesota Twins? If he doesn't manage to go at least 2 for 4 tomorrow, the questions will begin to surface—can he not succeed under the bright lights and storied history of the HHH Metrodome? One thing's for sure, his teammates will be ready and willing to give quotes criticizing him to national media, because that's just the way it is in Minnesota.