ALDS Game 1. Darth Thomas 3, Twins 2.

Ah, no, you didn't expect this to be easy, did you? You didn't expect it to go according to plan. For if you did, then I'm sorry, but you have been watching some other team this season, and for that I am both sorry for you and a wee bit jealous, because sometimes having a plan has real benefits, like keeping your fans from chewing off their own arms. For instance.

But the point is, this does not go according to plan. Over in A's Nation, the belief is that if they could just get to Santana, the series was theirs. And of course, it's a completely reasonable thing to believe, every rational and irrational person on the eight planets and four dwarf planets would think such a thing, because of course we don't have Liriano and Bradke's been hurt and when those guys went down nobody thought the Twins could do anything with just Santana and a bunch of guys picked up from the Jimmy's Pizza Rec League. Except, weirdly enough, they did. And as September pushed on and the games grew more and more crucial, we went through a whole 10 game road trip where Santana did not win and we went 7 and 3. The secret that no one understands but those of us who have watched this team is the Twins also won games Johan did not start, they won a great deal of them in fact in the best division in baseball, and they can win more.

I am going to make two humble requests of the Twins for the remainder of the series. The first is that we treat the outer edges of Frank Thomas's strike zone like asking your ex-wife to come to your wedding with your leggy receptionist, meaning you do not want to go there, and secondly that the batters spend some time studying what’s going on with the opposing pitcher instead of getting up there and wildly swinging like, well, like a bunch of guys picked up from the Jimmy's Pizza Rec League.

Fortunately, we have ESPN to cover these games, and they are doing so with all the skill and knowledge we've come to expect from them. Now, we owe all of our success to Joe Morgan, so Batgirl shouldn't make fun too much, but listening to these guys is like listening to the two drunk guys who sit behind you who've seen two games all season and are trying to impress each other with how much they know. I don't know why someone at ESPN didn't gently whisper into Jon Miller's earpiece that it's actually Jason Bartlett, not Josh, one can only assume that no one else knew either. And while I recognize that the Twins blew some opportunities in the first inning, I might humbly suggest that the tenth or so time you mention it, it's enough. And I know I should get used to it, but this interviewing the managers while the game is going on is disgraceful. If you're borrowing techniques from Fox's coverage of the All-Star Game, it's probably a bad idea.

The trouble with the playoffs is, as exhilarating as it is to get there, once there you actually have to watch the games. And when you lose, it feels you will never win again, and when you win you are only relieved you did not lose. If you ask Batgirl for the moments she remembers most from the playoffs in years past, they're all excruciating, and they're from games we won. The first is the opening inning of Game 1 of the ALDS in 2002 when the Twins looked as if they were the fifth grade choir from Miss Primm's School for Bashful Young Lasses forced to perform at the All-County Jubilee Jamboree. There was this pop-up that landed in between Brad Radke and the rest of the infield with them all staring at each other like, "Oh, I thought you were going to get that," which as regular readers know is far too close to Batgirl's JV volleyball career for comfort.

The second is, of course, Game 5 of that series, and when future generations ask Batgirl why she twitches like that, she'll merely show them the tape. Batgirl was knitting a pair of socks that series and to say her tension is evident on the final product would be like saying Picasso seemed a little blue when he painted Guernica. The fact that Batgirl didn't blind herself with the knitting needles is testament to her husband, for whom keeping her from blinding herself proved at least some distraction from the game.

Oh, if Batgirl digs deeper into her mind, there will be other memories, something about Adam Kennedy and some $@!%^&& monkeys, something about Johan leaving a game early, and something else about Ruben Sierra and Juan Rincon's pants. But the point is, you win some, you lose some, and sometimes winning is like losing because you have to go on heart medication afterwards, but we are still here and tomorrow morning we shall wake up ready to fight again, and as the Twins take the field amongst the cheering throngs, we shall join together, all we Twins fans across the globe, we shall join together as one and the very heavens will shake as we cry in one voice:

BOOF.

Come on, boys, let's get this thing tied up.

BatNotes: Twins fans in Oakland? The Startribune.com wants to hear from you. E-mail stribbb at gmail dot com.

Posted by Batgirl at October 3, 2006 07:06 PM