From: Dashiell J. Batbaby
To: Riley Grace Nathan

Re: Our love

(Please have your dad put on some Barry White for background music. He can get it from Juan Rincon.)

Baby,

I heard about you being born and all and I knew the time was right to tell you how I feel. You and I've got something very special and I know it's meant to be.

We got a lot in common, girl. Your daddy's pretty twitchy and my mom's a nervous wreck. Your dad likes to sit down the bitches and my mom just wants to sit down. So why don't you flash that toothless smile my way, yeah baby.

I know you, girl. You got stars in your eyes and meconium in your diapers. I know you weren't born yesterday. You were born the day before yesterday. You've been around the block. You know the score. You know it's meant to be. You and me, we were born be together. Don't fight it, baby.

I got something for you, girl. Papa was going to buy me a mocking bird but the damn thing didn’t sing so he got me something else I think you'll like. So why don't you come on over to my crib, and I'll fix us a bottle of something nice. I got some nice cool Desitin and plastic keys to jingle and I'll teach you how to land your fist in your mouth. Try it, girl, I think you'll like it.

Awww, don’t cry, baby. I got a box full of pacifiers, a bouncie chair that vibrates, and nowhere to be. That's all I got to say, girl. You know where you can find me. I'll be waiting here by the fire. I might fall asleep a little bit but I should be up in three hours precisely. I'll be here for you, girl.

Yours Hungrily,
DJB