Baltimore at Twins. Twins 7, O's 2.

This entry posted by tgd, which is merely one more bit of evidence that sleep deprivation has badly impaired BG’s judgment.

Well, that was certainly refreshing: Chase those lingering memories of last April’s suckitude with a little pitching, a lot of hitting, and piranhas regularly swimming around third base. All was lovely - except for the gnashing of teeth from downstairs, where the mother of my children usually watches Her Mets.

“You told me we’d have Extra Innings again this year!” she shouts, while our 12-year-old stat freak attempts to paint verbal pictures off of Gameday. I’m luckier. Our little corner of the Old Dominion gets the Orioles’ regional cable network – so I’ve been able to stall an extra three days before deciding whether to junk cable for the dish.

All you batlings in Minnesota can just skip the rest of the rant (we know you just want to peek at the BOD results, anyway – Cuddles? Ramon, for whistling past the graveyard inning after inning? Shaggy, for giving Vice Prez the night off so he can deal with his own new bundle of sleep deprivation?).

But us out-of-towners, we’re facing A Decision.

Do we get rid of cable, find someone new to give us our Internets, and nail a warped pizza pan to our homes? Or do we resign ourselves to squinting at computer screens and scanning the ESPN listings hopefully?

This is one of those fights where you want everyone to lose, hopefully in as much pain as possible. On the one hand, there was my first experience with DirecTV, not long after we moved here. A thunderstorm blows in during the late innings of a tight game. The picture cuts out. Frantic call to customer service.

Is it raining? they ask. Umm, yeah; in the pestilential swamps of coastal Virginia, it rains in the summer. Well, huffed the ‘service representative,’ we can’t be held responsible if the service degrades in the rain. And they want me to let them on my roof with power tools?

Of course, cable companies are about as cuddly as a rabid raccoon pawing through your trash. [Shout out Louise!--BG] Our local monopolistic blight is even trying to bribe me to stay by offering to pay for MLB.tv while they “continue to negotiate for rights to carry the MLB Extra Innings” package.

Well, they can dream. Negotiations usually take two parties, and baseball seems determined to keep their 10-year, $700 million DirecTV deal in place. (Why, split among 30 teams each year, that’s enough to buy an aging utility infielder.) Conspiracy theories abound: DirecTV cut ‘em a sweetheart deal to carry the future MLB Channel. The league is trying to push more people to MLB.tv. There’s even that dark rumor that Bud Selig is exacting revenge for that time his cable company made him wait all day to get an extra outlet installed at his summer cabin. [IN HELL--BG]

But I digress.

I can stall the decision for another couple of days – between Fox and WGN, I’ll get to see two of this weekend’s three blood feuds against the Byotches. But the Mets fan downstairs is getting restless. ESPN can’t carry the Muttsies every week (not when there are 19 Yankee-Red Sox games to show!). I can rant all I want, but pretty quick here I’sve got to decide: Dish? Or domestic discord?

ETA: The power of the BG community inspires awe. (Thanks, mmmarkiep.)