Inches and one bowl of Wheaties away from being Jason Tyner's tonight, but, alas, we shall have to look elsewhere. The Twins found their offense, and it's about time—and I know what you're saying, it's the Devil Rays, and the 5th starter, and it's basically like playing Jimmy Bob's t-ball team, except we all know there have been times the Twins couldn't hit off a t, much less the Devil Rays. But not tonight—tonight the offense came busting out all over. Hitters 4-5-6 combined for seven hits and seven RBIs, with a 3 for 4 performance by DJ Cuddles. But it wasn't just Cuddles's offense that stood out. In the 4th inning, BJ Upton hit what he thought was a triple to Mr. Cuddyer—who was once a shortstop, once a third baseman, who once had no home on the team—and Mr. Cuddyer hurled a laser shot to third so powerful that two innings later Akinori Iwamura was too damn scared to try to score on his arm. The fly was hit, Cuddles glared at Iwamura at third, the ball sailed toward home and he murmured, I'm a right fielder, bitch. And the Boyfriend of the Day.

Goober/ Justin 3, Sooz/Cuddy 2, BabyDash/Bart 1, Batgirl/ Chairman 1, BatCub/Torii 0, Jeb/LNP 0, Readers/Field 0.