Weekend Round-Up. Tampa Bay at Twins.
Friday. Devil Rays 4, Twins 2.
Saturday. Twins 12, Devil Rays 5.
Sunday. Devil Rays 6, Twins 4.
1) Jason Tyner has always had the oddest hobbies. While some kids had hamsters or ant farm, he preferred to harvest bacteria. One day, he was sitting in his room eating an orange, and he accidentally threw the peel into his bacteria vat. Days later he went to visit his pets and found the peel covered in a strange mold. And there was something else. "Huh," he said. "I wonder where my staphylococci went. Huh." With that, he shrugged and ate the orange peel. When Alexander Fleming discovered penicillin a few months later, Tyner smacked himself on the forehead and exclaimed, "I knew I shouldn't have eaten that!"
2) One thing Jason Tyner likes is a nice vacation, somewhere really remote, and he often takes his trusty globe, spins it, and travels wherever his finger lands. When his travels took him to a small group of islands off the coast of Argentina, he became very interested in the local wildlife. And, as he went from island to island, he could not help but notice that the finches were slightly different on each. On the last, he picked up a flat rock that had strange markings. "It almost looks like finch bones have been trapped inside this rock," he murmured to himself. Then he threw the rock into the ocean to see if it would skip. When Charles Darwin published his On the Origin of Species just a scant few weeks afterwards, he exclaimed, "I thought there was something funny going on!"
3) Another thing Jason Tyner really likes to do is drop things from tall buildings. One day, bored, he decided to mix things up by dropping two things off a tall building at the same time, a bowling ball and a Faberge egg. As the objects fell from his hands, he thought to wonder, "Huh. I wonder which will hit the ground first." But just then a very beefy-looking passing sailor wandered under the trajectory of the bowling ball and Tyner hightailed off the roof. When, just days later, Galileo Galilei announced that falling bodies regardless of their mass accelerate at the same rate, Tyner only sighed and muttered, "Damn sailor."
4) Jason Tyner is quite fond of a stroll through an apple orchard. One day on such a stroll, he noticed a gentleman in tights sitting under an apple tree. As he passed, he noticed a granny smith swaying precariously off one of the branches just over the gentlemen's head, and just as the stem broke and the apple came plummeting, Tyner made a fabulous diving catch. The gentleman thanked Tyner profusely, and Tyner said, "Huh. I wonder what made that fall." Then he shrugged his shoulders and went home to see if he'd made Web Gems. When, just hours later, Isaac Newton explained the theory of gravity to the world, Tyner fell to the ground and shouted, "Crap! Crap! Crap!"
5) Jason Tyner hit a ball on Saturday that seemed headed for the football seats. Everyone watching thought Tyner had hit his first home run in 8 jillion at bats, but at the last minute the ball dropped and bounced off the fence for a double. In the postgame interview, Marney Gellner flipped her sexy new hair and asked, "Did you think it was gone? Did you think you had finally hit one out?"
With a great sigh, he shook his head. "I had a pretty good feeling I didn't."