From: Dashiell J. BatBaby
To: Joe Nathan
Twins at Tampa Bay. Devil Rays 4, Twins 3.
Dear Mr. Vice President,
I noticed you had a hard time last night. I understand. I have a hard time every night starting about 5pm and lasting 8 or 9 hours. My mom thinks I have gas but really it's just ennui. You have no idea the crap she reads to me. I'd say I hope the itsy bitsy bunny would put his carrots where the sun don't shine, but I think that's good for carrots.
My mom says that since Riley Grace is barely a month old, we shouldn’t hold you accountable for your actions until at least 2008, and that we're just lucky you remember to wear pants. She knows whereof she speaks, about the pants I mean. I don't really want to talk about it, but let's just say we're not allowed in Whole Foods anymore.
I'm not really sure what she means, but if Riley is keeping you awake at all, I'll be glad to take her off your hands for a night. She can scream her head off here well into the wee hours. No one will mind.
Love,
BabyDash