Twins at Baltimore. Twins 7, Baltimore 3.

Is it possible that Doug Mientkiewicz's batting helmet is even stickier than before? We know that he's spent his career building up a thick patina of pine tar on the ol' hard hat, and I think now he's really got enough to get him through just about any foreseeable sticking emergency. Why, in today's game, Carlos Silva threatened to become unglued in the first inning and Dougie just rubbed the stuff on him and presto!

Oh, that was awful. Batgirl's sorry. She really is. It's just, well, did you see Doug tonight? Or could you not really get a good look at him because of the light reflecting off the gooey mess on his helmet? That makes total sense. At the very least, did you see in the 7th when he tried to adjust the thing and then couldn't free his hand? He sure looked silly trying to swing the bat with his right hand stuck on top of his head. (Though, to be fair, not much sillier than he's looked batting lately.)

Perhaps it's a subliminal message to Gardy; after Justin Morneau hit 400 homers in Dougie's line-up spot during his latest DL stint, Sir Gabsalot told every media outlet, "As a manager, I would stick with the guys who got me there." See? I would stick with the guys? Stick? Maybe that’s why, in the 2nd inning, when Dougie Defense showed where he got his name by turning a double down the right field line to an out, he could be heard to shout, "Hey, Skip, stick with me!" Then he pointed at his helmet and winked.

Dougie wasn't shouting as much during his at bats tonight, but that's okay. Batgirl has faith, she really does. For she believes Doug Mientkiewicz is the very sticky soul of the Minnesota Twins, and as goes Dougie, so goes our small, proud nation. Eventually, he'll figure out the exact length his chin pubes need to be to fuel his hitting, and then we'll all be sorry.

It was a good game all around for the guys formerly known as our stars. Jacque Jones hit another solo homer. Torii "Torrance" Hunter showed signs of reanimation by going three for five—and the other two at bats were long fly balls to deep center field. And Corey Koskie had two identifiable A-number-1 run-scoring hits—including a two-run homer in the top of the ninth. (This of course could have been prevented had Rafael Palmeiro been able to make a catch on Koskie's foul the pitch before the homer. Sometimes, you just need a little performance enhancement.)

Meanwhile, Koskie and Dougie both flashed some fancy glove work on a field best suited for a monster truck mud bog, Romero, Balf, and Nathan combined for another great bullpen appearance, and the Minnesota Twins have won five straight. We can only hope these guys keep at it, because the schedule is about to get a whole lot stickier.