Batgirl

Hair Apparent

From the Strib:

A decision was made during the players' meeting for everyone to get their hair cut as short as possible. It coincided with both teams honoring the armed forces Saturday.

A few Twins, including Nick Punto and Jason Tyner, resisted as long as they could before going along. One unnamed Twin actually text messaged his wife over the weekend to warn her that she was going to see less of her man.

Batgirl nominates Jason Tyner for the silliest-looking guy with a crew cut--sort of like a badly shaved ferret-- but she didn't get to see the doos for herself. Who looked most like an oddly-coiffed rodent?

The eternal question...

Joe Mauer: Hot Catcher or The Hottest Catcher?

And Then There Were 25

Well, folks, there's yer opening day roster. JD Durbin was placed on waivers and snapped up by Arizona, and Josh Rabe has been reassigned to Rochester.

Yes, the Twins have decided to go north with a third catcher, one Mr. Heintz.

Twins roster set; Durbin, Rabe gone

The Twins finalized their roster today after pitcher J.D. Durbin was claimed on waivers by Arizona.

Outfielder Josh Rabe was notified that he'll be headed back to Class AAA Rochester (N.Y.), which clears a spot for third-string catcher Chris Heintz.

The Twins plan to start the season with the rotation of Johan Santana, Boof Bonser, Ramon Ortiz, Sidney Ponson and Carlos Silva.

Let the second-guessing begin!!!

Why is this Adorable Preemie Smiling?

Because the Twins got him a giant teddy bear.

Ah, Big Crawdaddy...

From the

Michael Cuddyer recently returned home to Virginia after his wedding in Jamaica. The exchange of vows, in front of 150 family members and friends in a beautiful tropical setting, marked a perfect end to an almost perfect year for Cuddyer.

Almost.

"LeCroy was in the wedding," Cuddyer said of former Twins teammate Matt LeCroy. "You know how he sweats. My wedding pictures are awful."

Oh, AJ...

I honestly don't even understand this.

Hmmmm....

Forgive Batgirl, she's been away, so she's late on this, but this is a very silly column.

BatLinks

From Page 2: The Midwest is Best.

Did you get your Hall of Fame Ballot in the mail? Here it is. Should be a nice, quiet year with no controversies whatsoever.

The Times cries foul on the Great MVP Crisis.

Cool baseball-related reading in NYC.

Batgirl's been participating all season as a guest writer in the Wall Street Journal Online's Daily Fix Baseball Contest, in which preseason picks are made, analyzed, and then apologized for. She is most pleased to report her picks garnered her second place, behind esteemed Will Leitch, which just goes to show you even a blind horse is going to find water sometime. Did you guys know there was a National League?

And You Thought Halloween Was Over.

Here Comes Santa Pronk.

Gold Glove Awards Announced

FROM AP:

MINNEAPOLIS, MN-When they announced the Rawlings Gold Glove Award winners yesterday, at least one player was not surprised.

"They give this damned thing to me every year," said Jim Kaat.

Kaat, who this year won for the 32nd time, says he's started to bury the awards in his backyard.

"I used to try to give 'em away," he said, "but then I ran out of people to give them to. Charities didn't want 'em anymore. During the 90's I tried melting them down, but it turns out they're made out of some alloy and soylent green, so that didn't really work."

The Gold Glove Award, voted on by managers and coaches, has occasionally garnered criticism for being more about reputation than actual performance. But that's ridiculous, said one manager. "These guys are winning every year because they're the best. You can't fault consistency. I don't even have to watch them play anymore, I can just close my eyes and I know what they're going to do."

In Kaat's case, managers praised his uncanny skill with the glove. "I know he's been retired for a long time," said another manager, "but he still possesses this cat-like quickness with the ball. Why, I remember this one play he made in the 70's, when Nixon had just resigned, I've never seen anything like it..."

"Without him playing anymore, of course, we can't judge by his actual fielding performance, but it's the intangibles that really put him over the others," agreed another. "Anyway, I wouldn't have any idea who else to vote for."

Still, some people have grumbled that Kaat, who retired from the game in 1983, should no longer be eligible for the award. Most notably Kaat himself.

"Please," he said, "please. Stop giving it to me. What do I have to do?"

Thanks to Al for the inspiration for this entry.

After the Game

The Strib is running a series of pieces on Kirby after his retirement from baseball. It is truly sad, both for what it reveals and what it elides.

Meanwhile, rest in peace Joe Niekro. Niekro died of an aneurysm at 61 last week. His stint with the Twins was brief, but memorable--who can forget his insouciant "who me?" attempt to flip the emory board out of his back pocket. That there, thought a young Batgirl, is some serious balls. Rest in peace, Joe Niekro.

Alas, Poor F-Bomb

As Aaron says, this isn't exactly a surprise. It seems to Batgirl that the Kid should just get this thing taken care of, once and for all, because wishing ain't going to make it go away. (Though wouldn't it be cool if it did?)

What Was On Kenny Rogers' Thumb?

Inquiring Minds Want to Know.

Zit cream? Kryptonite? A Booger? Hair gel? Flubber? Fish glue? Kitty poo? Soylent Green?*

*What's that stuff made out of, anyway?

Morning Schedule

9:00am: read Pat Neshek's blog about Sunday. It's the best thing ever.

9:15 am: The Strib has a massive section that will keep you occupied for some time. As does the And yes, Batgirl originally typed "The Strib has a massive package."

10:00am: The postseason roster is announced! I'm sure it will be posted, you know, somewhere. Whoever shall it be? Meanwhile, here's the Game 1 roster.

10:15am: Read some previews. The Geek previews the A's. Aaron (EDIT: and at the series on AG.com, as does Thank You Brian Sabean.) On Athletics Nation, F.O.B. Blez does a position by position analysis and BaseballGirl notes some inequity in the playoff schedule and calls the commissioner's office.

10:45am: Look at some September awards, particularly AL Pitcher of the Month and AL Rookie of the Month.

11am: Listen to MPR's playoff preview show.

12pm: THE THIRD PHASE OF RAGNAROK BEGINS!

We're With You, Big Fella

Team Batgirl sends their thoughts to assistant clubhouse manager Wayne Hattaway who goes in for cancer surgery on Thursday. Some of the media has been referring to it obliquely as chest cancer, and this seems oddly circumspect. He has breast cancer, and it's important to make known that men can get it too. (In this case, information can actually save lives.) Here's a terrific article from Reusse about Hattaway, and here's a terrific profile of him from Brad Zellar.To send messages to Hattway:

Wayne Hattaway
c/o The Minnesota Twins
34 Kirby Puckett Place
Minneapolis, MN 55415

Some BatLinks

Batgirl has received any number of wonderful links in the past few days. Here's some stories to tide you over until Johan starts.

This article from SI details Mauer and Morneau's pad. It's all pretty much wonderful.

Vikings don't seem to know how to share. Surprise, surprise.

City Pages has a huge cover package on the Twins.

Patrick Reusse wrote a column last night telling us it's not over yet (which, really, it isn't. Weve got to keep humping, boys and girls.) It's cute because he was clearly writing it during the game,describing how crappy this loss was going to be, and then the last three words were like--oh, and then we won! Well, all traces of that column are gone, replaced by this almost jubiliant description of Torii's Big Boom.

Lots of praise for the Twins system from the Globe.

Jayson Stark says Santana isn't the MVP, but Morneau might be.

Oh, and remember, while Derek Jeter might not have the stats of an MVP, it's the intangibles.

Now THIS is Baseball Writing

From Eric Neel of Page 2: The Mojo Index. Everything about this is wonderful.

Phew

So far good news on the Kid. Let's wait for that second opinion....

BatLinks

Batgirl just got off an airplane, so here are some links to tide you over until the F-Bomb is dropped on the Dome tomorrow.

From Si:

Nobody wants to play the Twins with a fresh Liriano and a virtually unbeatable Johan Santana lined up for a postseason series. You could bring back Les Straker to be a No. 3 starter and still like Minnesota's chances.

The Chicago Tribune's Phil Rogers handicaps the MVP race for ESPN. Rogers gives Morneau some props, though one should notice the assumptions inherent in the caveat, "At least two of the top six AL candidates are with teams that won't play in October, maybe three (if the Twins fall short)."

Also, Radke plays catch without pain. We assume this is only because he's moved to a level of being beyond pain.

Morning additions:

Will Young on The Last Roster Spot, the TK years.

Neither Third Base Line, Jesse, One of the Nicks, nor Mr. Baseball can believe their eyes.

At Most Valuable Network, Andy Wink looks at Boof's success.

This is going to be nationally embarrassing.

Warning Labels.

Light blogging ahead through early next week. Batgirl didn't get to see tonight's game and it looks like it was a good thing. One thing's for sure, she is going to go over to the Dome and slap the Twins hitters across the head. Hard. Also, what if the very thing that hurt Carlos Silva's tummy tonight was what made him so awesome? Like if he ordered some awesome pills off the intertron, and didn't read the fine print very carefully, which said 1) may cause stomach pain and 2) don't take any pills you order off the internet. They did that once on Medical Investigation, which was an awesome show and totally shouldn't have been cancelled. Anyway, on one of the shows all of these girls were getting sick and it turned out to be because there was something in their jeans but there was this one who had lost a bunch of weight and it turned out it wasn't the jeans, but she'd ordered some parasite off the internet. So, you know, goal accomplished, but....parasite.

The things Batgirl watches when there's no baseball.

A few links to pass the day:
Awesome article about Radke.

Also, Twins Goddess does something fabulous for the Mother Bear Project.

Blyleven suspended for three more days. What, no public flogging?

And speaking of F-Bombs,,,.

EDIT Congrats to Aaron Gleeman on his phat new job!. Aaron's work--always fabulous--has been through the roof this year. Now, though, BG wants to see those top 40 Twins!

Welcome to the Twins...

And the September call-ups: Scootie Baker, Chris Heinz, and Alexi Casilla.

Love From SI

SI looks at the AL Wild Card. Meanwhile, lots of Twins on the national media: Torii Hunter will be a guest on the TV show "Rome is Burning" at 3:35 p.m. CT. Joe Nathan and Juan Rincon will be featured on ESPNews' "The Hotlist" at 4 p.m. and Gardenhire will take part in Jim Rome's radio show at 1:20 p.m.

Thanks to Wonder Woman for the heads-up! Also, on Labor Day, MPR's Midday will be doing it's annual State Fair Twins show at 11. If you're at the Fair (and, really, why wouldn't you be) go to the MPR booth and ask all your Twins-related questions of F.O.B. Howard Sinker. There will be PRIZES!

In the Morning of the Magicians

There is much rending of garments and gouging of eyes in Bitch Soxia. The Chicago Tribune has an excellent recap of last night's game, which -- to paraphrase Anthony "Broadcasts Sans His" LaPantas -- must be why Abner put lines down on a field in the first place. Money praise:

I'd rather do anything in baseball than face those piranhas," Guillen said. "They're hungry, and they show people they're hungry. I love those guys, I really do. I enjoy my team, but I love the way [the Twins] approach the game."

But doesn't Guillen take pride in the way his team approaches the game?

"We're not rah-rah," he said. "That's special stuff over there. No big names, no big-money people, no big stars, but the way they go about their business is awesome. I call them little piranhas because ... those guys bite little by little, and all of a sudden you're dead. I love it, I'm sorry.

"A better team than mine? No, but I love the way they play the game."

If he was trying to soften up the Twins, it backfired, because they won for the 51st time in their last 70 games.

Somebody send that man a "Gotta Smell 'Em" t-shirt.

The Sun Times is also suitably gob-smacked.

Mr. Baseball No. 1 outlines the most important defensive play of the evening.

Will Young goes through a detailed WPA for the game.

Saturday Morning Links

Some weekend links for the series:

Mr. Baseball No. 1 has a good round-up of the Chicago papers comments about Johan Santana. Ozzie seems to think the players are letting Santana beat them in their minds, whereas Batgirl thinks he's beating them just fine with his pitching.

Jesse's recap somehow does justice to the game. Also at Twinkie Town, cmatheson has a fabulous discussion of the 2007 roster and explains Radke's prognosis.

Will Young's WPA for this game is pretty fun.

Strib news: Playoff rosters are coming. And from the PiPress a couple days ago,

Strib Linky

A couple quick items of interest from the Strib. Redmond's help comes in many forms. and, in case you missed it, Guillen keen on 'Punto and the Pirhanas.'

Linkie Things

Since Aaron's too busy inking glamorous contracts to do a link-o-rama, here's a few links to pass your time 'til Brad Radke cheats death a little more. Patrick Reusse is positively ebuillient about the Twins success, Mr. Baseball No. 1 has a much-needed chat with Ozzie Guillen, Jesse at Twinkie Town gives some love to the Boofster, Will Young is back from vacation, and Brad Zellar reemerges to look at the season. We've missed you, Brad.

Welcome to Minnesota, Mr. Garza

From the Star Tribune:

With their starting pitching staff in tatters, the Twins promoted top prospect Matt Garza to the big leagues Tuesday and sent Mike Smith back to Class AAA Rochester.

Garza was expected to join the team for Tuesday night's game against the Detroit Tigers. He likely will make his major league debut Friday, against the Toronto Blue Jays at the Metrodome, but the Twins had yet to say.

There were no updates on rookie All-Star Francisco Liriano, who is out indefinitely with what appears to be a left elbow injury.

Thanks to Batling Aurora for the heads-up!

Francisco Liriano, Literary Hero

Batlings, there is a book about 'Cisco. It's called Throwing Bullets. Further info on Third Base Line.

So Long, Lohse

(BG is extra-busy this week, so infield has been designated TradeSpotter...)

Twins acquire Ward for Lohse

MINNEAPOLIS -- The Twins and the Reds finalized a trade on Monday that sent right-handed pitcher Kyle Lohse to Cincinnati in exchange for Minor League right-handed pitcher Zach Ward.

Lohse was 2-5 with a 7.07 ERA in 22 appearances for the Twins this season. A member of the Twins rotation at the start of the year, Lohse made eight starts before being demoted to Triple-A Rochester on May 17 after going 2-4 with an 8.92 ERA.

Twins general manager Terry Ryan had been shopping Lohse to other clubs since the demotion. Lohse rejoined the club as a reliever in early June but problems between him and the organization made him a clear trade target as the trade deadline approached.

Ward, 22, went 7-0 with a 2.29 ERA and 95 strikeouts in 20 appearances -- 18 starts -- this season with the Class A Dayton Dragons of the Midwest League. Ward was the Reds' third-round selection in the 2005 First-Year Player Draft.

The trade was also the second this season between Ryan and Reds general manager Wayne Krivsky, a former assistant GM for the Twins.

The Twins are expected to use the open roster spot for Torii Hunter's return from the 15-day disabled list prior to their game against the Rangers on Monday night.

This is Fun

Baker Returns....

I know one protective cup who is going to be very happy about this...

From the Strib:

The Twins will recall starting pitcher Scott Baker from Class AAA Rochester to fill the roster spot created when veteran pinch-hitter Ruben Sierra was released Monday. The original plan was to wait until Monday to officially recall Baker, so that he could start that night's game against Tampa Bay at the Metrodome.

The timetable figures to change with the uncertainty now surrounding the rotiation. The Twins had two starters, Francisco Liriano and Johan Santana, in Tuesday night's All-Star Game. There also will be a medical consultation today on the condition of Carlos Silva's right knee. He complained of soreness and left Saturday's start in which he was getting ripped by Kansas City.

Baker is 3-2 with a ! 2.92 ERA in seven starts for Rochester. Baker was 2-5 with a 6.06 ERA in nine starts for the Twins earlier this season.

No One Wants to Be in His Pants...

MINNEAPOLIS (AP) — The Minnesota Twins released veteran pinch hitter Ruben Sierra on Monday, ending his injury-plagued stint with the team. Sierra hit .179 with one double and four RBIs in just 28 at-bats this season. The 40-year-old spent six weeks on the disabled list after rupturing the biceps tendon near his left elbow, and never really got much playing time after that in his role as a pinch hitter. He also had a strained quadriceps muscle in spring training that kept him from joining the team for opening day. He has 306 home runs and 1,322 RBIs in 20 major league seasons....

The Twins said they will make an additional roster move to replace Sierra on the 25-man roster prior to Thursday night's game against Cleveland.

Welcome to the All-Star Game....

Due to injury, Francisco Liriano will be joining Messeurs Joseph P. Mauer and Johan K. Santana in the All-Star Game on Tuesday.

Sweet.

Picture courtesy of Eric

AJ Pierzynski, All Star

Well, we tried.

Welcome to the Bigs...

Pat Neshek.

According to DickN'Bert, Boof Bonser was sent down because the Twins won't need a #5 starter for two weeks and they wanted him to get some work in. When the slot comes up again, either Bonser or Baker/Nutty will be called up.

Vote Cisco

At last count, Liriano is behind AJ Pierzynski in the Final Vote. Vote Cisco. Now. Voting closes at five. (Click on the poster to the left...)

Boof, We Hardly Knew Ye

TWINS MAKE ROSTER MOVE Minneapolis, MN– The Minnesota Twins announced today that they have optioned righthanded pitcher Boof Bonser to Rochester (AAA, International League). Since being recalled on May 19, Bonser went 2-2, 5.30 (35.2 ip, 21 er), allowing 40 hits with 12 walks and 27 strikeouts in seven starts for the Twins. To replace Bonser on the 25-man roster, the Twins will make an additional roster move prior to Friday night’s game at Texas.

Thanks infield.

Welcome to the All-Star Game...

Joe Mauer.

Joe and Jo will be representing the Twins in Pittsburgh this year. Liriano really should have been there, but we can pretty much expect it to be the last year that the Cisco Kid isn't on the All-Star team. And if Morneau keeps it up, he'll be there next year too. As for the Veep, the whole organization owes him a written apology for simply not giving him enough save opportunities to get there. Batgirl apologizes sincerely for anything she did.

EDIT Remember all those email addresses for your cats, toes, and ancestors? You can VOTE for Liriano on the Final Vote.

Now THAT'S More Like It

June's AL Player of the Month: Joe Mauer
June's AL Pitcher of the Month: Johan K. Santana
June's AL Rookie of the Month: Francisco Liriano

Now THAT is More Like It

The word is the Chairman has moved into third place in voting for the All-Star Game, behind Varitek and Pudge. Go Chairman!

Department of Assheads.

Yes, I know, Ozzie, you're a real man.

Press Release - Castro Traded to CIN

Minneapolis/St. Paul, MN - The Minnesota Twins announced today that they have acquired minor league outfielder Brandon Roberts from the Cincinnati Reds in exchange for infielder Jaun Castro.

Roberts, 21, was batting .267 (66-247) with five doubles, one triple, one homer, 15 rbi and 23 stolen bases in 60 games with the Sarasota Reds (A, Florida State League) this season. The 6-0, 185-pounder was originally drafted by the Reds in the seventh round of the June, 2005 free agent draft. In 2005, his first professional season, Roberts batted .318 (87-274) with nine doubles, six triples, four homers, 36 rbi and 32 stolen bases, while being selected to the Pioneer League Year-End All-Star team.

Castro, 34, was batting .231 (36-156) with five doubles, two triples, one homer and 14 rbi in 50 games with the Twins this season. He has a career batting average of .230 (467-2027) with 98 doubles, 12 triples, 31 homers and 176 rbi in 815 games. Castro was signed by the Twins as a free agent on November 23, 2004.

To replace Castro on the 25-man roster, the Twins will make a roster move prior to tomorrow night's game at Pittsburgh.

Oh, Dear

Poor Matty.

Call 'Em Up

From the Strib:

Torii Hunter flew home to Texas following the Twins' game in Milwaukee on Sunday, allowing him to watch his two sons play a Little League game for the first time in two years.

It was quite a treat. Torii Jr. pitched a no-hitter in a four- inning game, and Monshadrik hit a homer, a double and had three RBI.

http://www.amherst.edu/~jbroich

Department of Hypocrites

Sid interviews Bud:

A lot of people didn't believe Minnesota eventually would lose the Twins if a new stadium wasn't built for the team, but baseball Commissioner Bud Selig, ecstatic about the Legislature's favorable vote on the stadium bill, said it was close to happening....

"I was nervous and we were coming close to the end," Selig said Sunday. "And if anybody thinks that was an idle threat, they were kidding themselves."

..."When [baseball financial consultant] Bob Starkey called me with the good news Sunday morning, I felt like I did when we got our stadium here [in Milwaukee]," Selig said. "That's how much it meant, because that's the last thing in the world anybody ever wanted to do, to think of no Twins in Minnesota."

Is that the last thing you wanted before or after contracting the team? Just checking.

Bud, really, shut up. No one likes you. The last thing we need is any reminders of your stadium strong-arm tactics. Go away, leave us alone, and let us enjoy our new stadium, because as much as BG wants and loves this new stadium, reminding us that we succumbed to your blackmail makes even BG throw up in her mouth a little bit.

Holy Moses!

Twins Press Release:

The Minnesota Twins announced today that they have optioned righthanded pitcher Kyle Lohse to Rochester (AAA, International League). In eight starts this season, Lohse was 2-4, 8.92 (38.1 ip, 38 er), allowing 57 hits with 19 walks and 24 strikeouts.

To replace Lohse on the 25-man roster, the Twins have recalled righthanded pitcher Boof Bonser from Rochester. In eight starts with the Red Wings, Bonser was 3-2, 2.01
(49.1 ip, 11 er), allowing 33 hits with 20 walks and 47 strikeouts. Bonser will meet the team in Milwaukee on Friday and is scheduled to make his Major League debut as the starting
pitcher on Sunday.

BG sure doesn't want to be Gardy's door right now. Poor Kyle. Here's hoping he can fix what ails him. Meanwhile--let the Boof Bonser era begin!

Thanks to infield for the scoop.

As Long As There Are Not Dogs, BG's Happy...

Page 2 has some recommendations for the Twins stadium...

Pink Dinks

Apparently some Twins are reluctant to use the pink bats tomorrow.

Major League Baseball is usually very strict about the color of the bats players use, but there was a big exception made as the league tries to help raise awareness for breast cancer on Mother's Day.

Players have been given the option of using a pink bat for Sunday's games only, along with ribbons and pink wristbands that are available for the cause. But the question remains as to whether any of the Twins that ordered the pink bats will actually use them in the game.

Hunter took his bat out of the box on Friday and gasped a little at the sight. Not a true fan of the color pink, Hunter was unsure whether the bat would be coming out on Sunday, but made sure that he would celebrate the day in some way.

"It would be tough for me to swing a pink bat," Hunter said. "I know it's for a good cause, and I'll donate a bat or anything. But I don't know if I can swing it for a good cause. I'm going to wear something pink, though."

Batgirl's got a word for all of you Twins whose sense of masculinity is too fragile to use a pink bat, and it's a word Brad Radke's Mom recently called him. No one wants that.

Friday Morning BatMedia Round-Up

Absolutely most importantly, apparently, at Twins Unplugged last night Little Nicky Punto revealed that he wears a green Speedo under his uni when the team is doing well. a) Batgirl is thrilled with the number of readers who emailed her to tell her that, because that is exactly the sort of thing that makes Batgirl's life worth living and b) a guaranteed B.O.D. to the Twin who gets BG a picture of THAT.

Now, to the media:
From the Onion: (courtesy of BadAndy48)

Circle Me Bert...in JAIL (from Michelle)

Uniwatch Takes on Bling (from Wonder Woman)

Newly Engaged jclund gives us the "All Mouthful Team"

If you want to come to the June 11th game, please email Batgirl. Tickets are $15 and she needs your check by the 26th.

A visit with Dewey Missum.

RD was thinking about the Twins of '05 and suddenly, on his shoulder, appeared ol' Dewey Missum, wanting to know what RD was thinking about the guys who didn't make the leap from '05 to '06. Dewey Missum sometimes shows up on days when the Twins are idle and he can get a guy thinking about the past.

In the spirit of that conversation, RD decided it would be kinda fun to pose the question that comes so naturally to his pal. "Do we miss them?" Dewey Missum asked ol' RD.

"Well," RD replied, "some more than others."

"Do tell," Dewey Missum said.

Jacque Jones -- Kinda miss him. Don't miss the feeble at-bats against lefties and the way he never quite figured out how to get into position to throw from right field, the way Lewwwww did against the yankees on Friday night. Miss him because he was a good guy and S. Cheeks' bud, not because of what he could be contributing. And, heck, I can always watch him on WGN.

Matthew Lecroy -- Sorta miss him. A nice bench player but dangerous if he needs to be in the lineup too often. He looked good in the Washington tri-colors.

Luis Rivas -- Don't miss him at all. So many chances, so little to show for it. I'd rather have Castillo, Rodriguez, Punto or Boone out there. Well, 3 outta 4, anyway.

Bret Boone -- Hahahahahahahahahahahaha! Falling off the bar stool hahahahahahahahaha!

Jason Bartlett -- Sorta miss him. Yeah, RD pines for him a bit, but concedes that Castro is doing what needs to be done at shortstop, and it wouldn't do anyone any good to bring up Bartlett to sit him on the bench.

Michael Ryan -- Don't miss him whatsoever. When Ryan's on your roster, then you're not really a playoff team.

Corky (Corky) Miller -- Miss him as much as RD can miss a guy who didn't get a hit last season.

J.C. Romero -- Really miss the JC of '03, don't miss the JC of '04 and '05. It's too bad that, every now and again, JC didn't realize that he wasn't the smartest guy in the room.

Joe Mays -- Don't miss him. Just watched the Bitch Sox' Konerko take him deep a few minutes ago and RD is trying to figure out who's taking responsibility in the Royals' front office for signing the guy.

Terry Mulholland -- Kinda miss him, just because it was cool to have a guy who hit 83 on the gun when he was throwing the patooey outta the ball. Good hair and diet.

Al Newman -- Really miss him. RD's still bummed that Newmie and Gardy couldn't work things out, but that's the way stuff goes sometimes. Bad hair and diet.

And from days gone by...

Henry Blanco -- Sorta miss him for the role he filled in '04 when The Chairman couldn't play. But in the big poicture he's a .200 hitter with a greta glove. I'd miss Mike Redmond more.

Doug Mientkiewicz -- Miss him so much. Dang, he should be playing first base so that JustIncredible could be languishing in the minors awaiting his chance. Yup, a .280, slap hitting first baseman. Just what every team needs, don'cha think? Trading him to Boston probably ruined his shot at being a first-ballot Hall of Famer.

Corey Koskie -- Miss him enough that I'd love to see him on the bench, backing up at third, JustIncredible at first, getting some licks as a DH and breaking chairs at opportune times.

Torii Hunter -- Really mi... Oh, wait, he's still here.

Anyone else wanna pick an ex-Twin or three and tell Dewey Missum what'cha think?

Lewny for Lew

Someone slipped this Strib clip under Batgirl's door at her "spiritual retreat" and she had to post it, merely to thank Lew Ford for being who he is and keeping this whole blog alive singlehandedly.

Q&A with Lew Ford:

Now excuse BG, she has a "meeting."

Ladies and Gentleman, the Paper of Record

AL Central Preview: Loaded With Strong Pitchers, Twins Are Capable of Run at World Series Champions
http://www.amherst.edu/~jbroich

Oopsie

Liriano Arrested on Drunk Driving Charge.

Hold Me

Now, my dears, I don't know how to tell you this. I'm so sorry to be the one to break it to you. Are you sitting down? Really? Good. Do you have a box of Kleenex? And some Ambiorix? You do? Well, then--there's no choice but to be out with it. Kris and Anna: Kaput.

I'm sorry. Are you okay? I know, I know, if those two kids can't work it out, what chance do schmucks like us have in this messed-up world, huh?

To help ease your pain, a few items:

From Deadspin:

From McSweeneys: Steroids: The Musical

And finally:

BatBusiness: Batgirl is closing in on a place to meet to watch the game on Tuesday and will post as soon as possible, though she is still taking suggestions of a good centrally located place. Why Batgirl, you ask. What's wrong with the Bulldog? We've enjoyed many lovely games at the Bulldog. Well, I'll tell you. The Bulldog owner won't have the volume on for anything but Vikings games.

But Batgirl, you say. Surely you told them you'd be bringing two to four dozen people into their fine establishment, didn't you? And surely that would be incentive enough to be a little flexible, n'est-ce pas? And I say, Oui! Oui! I did! I did tell them about all the customers and all the eating and the drinking and the money being exchanged for goods and services. And they said we don't care, we hate you Batgirl, and your stupid ass face.

So, there you go.

BatMedia Round-Up: One More Week Edition

Wally Pipped? No, Trevor Plouffed.

El Presidente for the '08 campaign.

On Idiots Write About Sports, Phillip Michaels runs the MLB teamsthrough Babelfish. The results may shock you.

Carlos Silva: Silenced! (Scroll down.)

And finally, Aaron Gleeman gets some mad props.

EDIT .

BatMedia Round-Up: Former Twin Edition

EDIT: The Kirby Puckett memorial will be replayed on FSN at 2am Monday morning.

Batgirl has been remiss in not posting this earlier. Who is the real AJ Pierzynski?

Jacque Jones:

Mientkiewicz Gets Comfortable (swiped shamelessly from Aaron, who has a few things to say about it. The wonder is they managed to cut down his interview into a newspaper length-piece.

And Dougie has a few things to say about Joe Mays.

Guzie Injured. (Don't worry, BallWonk, we've seen how well he bounces back from this sort of thing.) And as Guzie goes, so goes Rivas.

Oh, Canada

Apparently, the idea of playing for his home country in the WBC has got the good Doctor his groove back. Batgirl recommends the Twins change their uniforms to maple leaves, stat.

There was no question before Justin Morneau left for the World Baseball Classic that he spent a lot of time working to improve his offense.

That extra bit of preparation seems to have paid off, at least for Canada, as Morneau went 3-for-5 at the plate on Wednesday in the country's win against Team USA. He hit two doubles, drove a run in and scored two runs himself.

That the performance came against the United States wasn't a shock to Gardenhire, who knew that Morneau was fired up to play against the neighboring country.

"We won't ever live that one down," Gardenhire said of the U.S. loss. "That's for sure."

It's Our Turn: Climb on our Backs, Kirby.

Kirby Puckett Suffers Stroke.

Update, Sunday night

Monday Morning: Puck in Critical Condition

Monday night: Puckett to Be Removed from Life Support

Kirby Puckett Dead at 45.

Oh, This Bodes Well...

A scrub squad of Twins were three hit by the Concordia College Golden Bears yesterda, which is almost as embarrassing as being three hit by the Royals.

Twins have hands full with Concordia, again:

The Twins owed their victory to two unearned runs, both coming on missed fly balls by Concordia's fielders.

The Twins finished with three hits. That's no misprint. Concordia had two.

"Our goal was not to get anybody killed," Gardenhire said. "Those were our first swings [in a spring contest]."

Morneau's first at-bat came with two aboard in the first inning, and Jacob Schmidt, a freshman from Oakdale, looked as if he was in trouble.

But in a sight all-too familiar for Twins fans, Schmidt got Morneau to lunge at a changeup and ground into an inning-ending double play.

The Concordia bench, and about 250 fans, erupted.

"Everything changed after that," Schmidt said "We knew we could do it."

Spring Training Media Round-Up

Shannon Stewart says "He's going to be a good fit," Stewart says--even though he doesn't fit in his trousers.

Meanwhile, Batista tells us the man upstairs brought him here, and he doesn't mean Terry Ryan.

MLB.com asks Who's Number Two?

John Brattain of the Hardball Times has a very interesting perspective on the Twins efforts to get out of their lease in Leverage for Dummies.

It Seems We've Stood And Talked Like This Before

Item: Reusse:Twins Are Hearing C-word Again.

BatRant:You have got to be bleepin' blargin' kidding Batgirl. This is where we are? The team has won three division titles in the past four years and we're still talking about this? Have we learned nothing? And Tim Pawlenty, who provided the leadership of a kumquat during this whole stadium proposal is the one who mentioned it? That's right. A kumquat. You can quote me.

If you look at the article carefully, it seems that the only ones really talking about this are Reusse and Timmy. So, what's up with that?

Also, could somebody please define "they are baseball's two most underperforming markets?" What is true about that statement and what is just truthiness?

Look, there's no doubt the state has sat on its kumquaty ass-bat in getting the Twins a stadium . There's also no doubt that the Twins sacrificed a heckuva--that's right, I said heck, and I'm not afraid to say it again--heckuva lot of good will in the community with the various threats to move the team and the contraction debacle. Trying to kill the team for cash just isn't the best way to make friends, and the Twins as an organization have done very little to regain the goodwill of the community after it. (The Twins as a team signed Johan Santana, who is Batgirl's official Goodwill Ambassador, and he should probably come over to Batgirl's house for his "swearing in ceremony." ) So, here: YOU, Twins, recognize all the goodwill you lost and come up with some way to get it back and YOU, state leadership, shut up and grow a pair. Cities, communities, and states should invest in themselves. Darn it.

Yes, darn it, I say.

Viva Venezuela!

On the road to kicking world butt in the WBC, Team Venezuela pulls out an exciting last minute victory in the Caribbean series, spurred on by the clutch hitting of a familiar (Mango) face. King Kaufman of Salon.com writes:

The craziest play that ever ended a major league World Series, I think, was in 1926, when Babe Ruth, carrying the tying run with two outs and Bob Meusel batting in the bottom of the ninth, got thrown out trying to steal second.

That had nothing on the way the Caribbean Series ended. Venezuela, the host team, was down to the Dominicans 4-3 in the bottom of the ninth, but Gonzalez, the new Red Sox shortstop, drove in the tying run with a single off Jorge Sosa, who works for the Atlanta Braves.

Henry Blanco, a Chicago Cub, then lifted a pop fly behind third. Out went Los Anahangeles Angels prospect Erick Aybar, toting the glove that got him labeled the best defensive infielder in the Angels' system by Baseball America last off-season.

Aybar went back and toward the line, stopped, turned around and looked at left fielder Napoleon Calzado, a Baltimore Orioles prospect, and then had the ball bonk him on top of the head. Jose Canseco lives!

Aybar had lost it in the lights. The ball, I mean. Not his head. Gonzalez scored, Venezuela won its first Caribbean Series since 1989, and suddenly I'd like to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony.

Surprise, No Surprise

ESPN's Jerry Crasnick picks the Twins to surprise in '06.

So why are the Twins dangerous? In a word, pitching. They've got Johan Santana, Brad Radke and Carlos Silva at the front end of the rotation, Joe Nathan at the back end of the bullpen, and enough arms in between to be competitive almost every night provided they catch the ball up to typical Twins standards.

In spring training they'll take a long look at rookies Scott Baker and Francisco Liriano, who has been labeled a young Santana. When the Brewers were shopping Overbay in November, Melvin tried to pry loose Liriano or Baker from the Twins only to meet with stone-cold resistance.

"He has great stuff," Melvin said of Liriano. "He has the ability to be a Dontrelle Willis."

Meanwhile, a judge freed the Twins of their obligation to play in the Dome in '07. BG hopes this lights a fire under everyone's buttocks, but it still makes her profoundly uncomfortable.

EDIT South Side Annie sends this old interview with Carl Pohlad from just before the contraction debate. And this is why Batgirl's so hard on Carl. He was a great owner for many years, but he tried to kill the team. It's just hard to get over that.

Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Go Back in the Water...

This off-season just gets weirder and weirder. Twins agree to terms with Ruben Sierra on a Minor League contract.

"Hey, uh, Boo?"
"Yeah?"
"You know how I hit that big homer off you in the ALDS?"
"Yeah, I remember that pretty good."
"I'm sorry. That wasn't nice."

Love Means Never Having to Say You're Sorry.

Dude, You Know How I Punched You? That Was Totally My Bad.

WBC: National Menace?

Dude, It's Just Not Going To Work Unless You Do Something About the Ass-Bats.

BatMiscellany 2: The Two Miscellanies

Joe Mauer, Sex Symbol. That girl in the photo is almost as excited as Batgirl on the day of a Johan Santana start.

In more Chairman news, Cities97 talked to him yesterday, and BG thinks his voice has finally stopped cracking. It's so sweet when they grow up. Here's the link.

Here's a pretty hanky-inducing article about the Caravan.

KW, erstwhile BatBack-up blogger and proprietor of Mid Majority, a legendary college basketball blog, will be on 'CCO Friday night at 11:10 pm to talk hoops.

And there's another new Twins blog: Case in the Face.

And, finally, Goober sends another game to pass the time 'til pitchers and catchers report. It helps you practice your swing too (Tony Batista, if you're reading this, take note.) Whack the Penguin.

The Jeff Reardon Story

This article from the Strib on the Jeff Reardon tragedy is a must read. Also, from better times a flashback article With the addition of Reardon, Twins bullpen is complete.

Moving Toward the Light

Spring Training Radio schedule announced.

Thursday, March 2 is the first game. So close now, my dears. We can make it. To pass the time until then, Goober sends this link to a little game along, with his best wishes:

Red Square

It's in Twins colors, too!

Bat Miscellany: The Fellowship of the Miscellany

At CBS Sportsline, Gardy talks about looking up in the Central Division. The whole article's worth a read, but Batgirl particularly enjoyed this quote:

Hey, what's this stuff about us not making any big moves, Gardenhire demanded, noting that the Twins made a significant announcement of their own around the time Thome joined the defending world champions: They revealed a new vest that they'll wear as an alternate jersey this summer.

And speaking of the sartorial abominations, you can protest the pixie vests at Twins Fest this year, when Dr. Morneau and Young Bart model them for the fans. Batgirl expects signs and some civil disobedience (nonviolent, please). Stay strong, stay resolute, and we shall get through this, together.

And finally, a generous soul from WCCO sends these pictures from the Twins Caravan's stop inside the home of the Caravan Contest winners. Next year, please let Batgirl win. And bring the Jackal in his leather jacket.

Mad Hot Sudoku

Joe Mauer's not the only one male modeling during the off-season. Donnalove sends this picture of the Jackal:

Damn, Jackal. If that jacket were any hotter it would be Johan Santana. I'm glad to see a little sartorial style around here. If only the Jackal had been around to give celebs dressing advice pre-Golden Globes, Gwyneth might not have worn an oversized doily and Drew Barrymore might have put on a bra. If he's not next to Michael Kors and Nina Garcia judging the next Project Runway, Batgirl's going to be crushed.

Also, Imprvyz sends this tidbit from an MLB.com article about the Twins Caravan:

Thanks to a broken coffee mug that punctured one of the front tires of the Twins' bus, the caravan was delayed for 45 minutes on Tuesday morning. Those traveling on the northwest leg of this year's tour -- manager Ron Gardenhire, pitching coach Rick Anderson, outfielder Lew Ford, shortstop Jason Bartlett and WCCO Radio's John Gordon -- were forced into a change of plans but made the most of the downtime.

As the bus had its tire replaced, the group sat inside the teacher's lounge of Detroit Lakes Middle School and found plenty of entertainment between talking baseball and filling out crossword and Sudoku puzzles.

"Nothing like doing Sudoku puzzles, huh?" said Ford with a smile.

Koskos III: The Revenge of Koskos

Corey Koskie to Milwaukee Brewers.

Some Notes on the Nature of Truth

"Even though the Toronto Blue Jays have offered Corey Koskie back to the Twins at a discount price, the trade talks Wednesday were officially pronounced dead."

-Strib

The poker match between J.P. Ricciardi and Terry Ryan, general manager of the Minnesota Twins, is moving at a snail's pace..."I've talked to the Twins (about Koskie) a couple of times but there's not much going on right now," Ricciardi said yesterday. "I wouldn't say the talks are dead but they're going real slow."

-The Toronto Sun

TRUTH AND BEAUTY A Play By Batgirl

A man and a woman sit at as bus stop. The woman reads a newspaper that has a pleasing, highly readable font with enormous graphics to make the whole news reading experience less taxing. The man fiddles with his iPod. He can't get it to work. His son said it would be so easy, he said it would change his life, he said even the basest moron can use an iPod, but the man can't understand it. It does not belong in the same world as he, it belongs in this new universe of hip hop and high speed and digital everything and he does not understand it, not any of it, and as he tries to bring up his menu, he feels, suddenly, the twinge of his own mortality. The world has passed him by, and he is nothing, now, just an artifact, a sorry remnant of a forgotten world. He sighs and lowers the infernal contraption, the sleek plastic memento mori, and stares at the ground. Then, suddenly, he espies something growing from a crack in the concrete slabs in front of him. He stands up.

Man: (gasping) Look at this beautiful flower!

Woman: (looking up) That is not a flower.

Man: Not a flower? Of course it's a flower! Here, in this wasteland of the city, a bit of beauty sprouts. (The man bends down.) I don't know how it could have survived here on this sidewalk. How no one's stepped on it! This flower is a miracle. This flower is a survivor. This flower gives us all hope.

Woman: That is not a flower.

Man: Not a flower? Of course it is! It is a flower of the genus Cordelus species Koskosa. Delicate, graceful, balding. A sweet odor. Thrives in cold weather. Rare. Likes ice fishing. Highly breakable.

Woman: That is not a flower.

Man: A flower, it is! The seed-bearing part of a plant. Here, the corolla, here the calyx. Here, the stamen, here, the pistil! A whole reproductive system in one, just waiting for the merry bee to buzz along and be seduced by its sweet, sweet nectar. A flower! Art and science married to produce one beguiling whole. You can have your computers, your gadgets, your whozits and whatfors, I say there is no technology on Earth greater than that used to make this noble wisp. A flower!

Woman: That is not a flower.

Man: Argh! (straightening) For heaven's sake! If it's not a flower, what is it?

Woman: (standing up, smiling pleasantly) It is a gun.

She bends down, picks up the flower, points it at him and shoots. The man screams and falls to the ground. Blood seeps everywhere.

The woman sticks the flower back between the cracks in the pavement and stomps on it. Tony Batista walks onto the stage, gives a low bow in the Japanese style, then enfolds the woman in his arms and kisses her. With tongue.

Curtain.

Koskos II: The Return of Koskos?

I know this has been batted around for awhile, but it feels strange to Batgirl, sort of like when your boyfriend breaks up with you and moves to Toronto and you're crushed, just crushed, but slowly, with some therapy and a lot of alcohol, you learn to move on, and while you can't really find anyone who makes you feel like he made you feel, you live with the emptiness, even though the guy you found to replace him doesn't quite have the same "pop in his bat," and finally you totally heal and you think back on that old boyfriend with fondness, only slightly tinged with melancholy--but it is a beautiful melancholy, for it is better, as the poets say, to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all, and a rose by any other name is a rose all the same, and all that jazz, and then he calls you and says his company is forcing a transfer back, so maybe you should get back together, after all--and while you spent so much time dreaming for this moment, now that it is here you feel yourself doubt; you wonder if what you had can really come back, what with the water under the bridge and the passing of time and the coming and going of Bret Boone. Can you go home again? Was there ever a home? Was it just a lie--a beautiful lie? Or is happiness there for us, just beyond the rainbow, full of maple leaves and sunshine and clutch homeruns, and perhaps a few injuries here and there, and a lot of blinking--oh, yes, a lot of blinking, and that blinking is in morse code and it sends out a message to us all--I am Cordel Koskos. I am here to say you can go home again. It is all right now, it is all going to be all right.

The Fall of Jeff Reardon

This is NOT the kind of news BG intended to interrupt her holiday respite for, but:

Former Twins great arrested on robbery charges.

Jeff Reardon, one of the top relief pitchers in major league baseball history, was charged with a jewelry store robbery and held pending a bond hearing Tuesday.

The 50-year-old Reardon, who ranks sixth in career saves, walked into Hamilton Jewelers at the Gardens Mall on Monday and handed an employee a note saying he had a gun and the store was being robbed, according to Palm Beach Gardens police.

Oh, About That Big News...

Welcome to the Twins, Rondell White.

Jacque Jones, Meet Wrigley Field

From mlb.com:

The Cubs announced Tuesday they have signed free agent Jacque Jones to a three-year, $16 million deal. Jones is expected to fill the vacant right field spot and join new center fielder Juan Pierre, acquired in a trade from Florida, and rookie left fielder Matt Murton. It would be a completely revamped outfield from the one that started Opening Day 2005 which included Todd Hollandsworth, Corey Patterson and Jeromy Burnitz.

"We like a lot of things about Jacque," Cubs general manager Jim Hendry said Tuesday in announcing the deal. "He's a very versatile guy. We were very intent on trying to get a left-handed hitter. He's very athletic, has some pop in his bat, an outstanding throwing arm. He's a versatile player and had a lot of upside in him."

Not to mention a Rain-Man-like knowledge of the rules of baseball.

EDIT: this article from the Strib discusses the Twins right field situation.

Fare Thee Well, Li'l Sweetcheeks, Redux

Jacque Jones has officially turned down the Twins offer of arbitration. Reports have it that three teams are after him, including the Royals and the Cubs.

Jones's departure leaves some payroll room, but the is dubious over whether it will help.

With the Twins no longer facing the possibility of having to pay Jones next season, the team can turn its attention back to negotiating with a veteran DH such as Mike Piazza and Frank Thomas. General manager Terry Ryan had put talks on hold after offering arbitration to Jones on Dec. 7....

...The Twins' payroll stands at an estimated $57 million to $59 million (not factoring in incentive bonuses). This includes the $4 million to $4.2 million the team will have to pay arbitration-eligible pitcher Kyle Lohse next season, provided he isn't traded. The Twins will tender a contract to Lohse today, the deadline for teams to do that. Indications are that Ryan has the leeway to push the payroll to slightly over $60 million, and he said there still is room to add a player.

But the Twins could bypass trying to sign a veteran DH, considering that they signed free-agent power-hitting third baseman Tony Batista last week and most players on the market are aging and/or injury-prone. Batista, however, has not played in the majors since 2004, and Ryan said last week he wasn't finished trying to upgrade an offense that was the worst in the American League last season.

Meanwhile, A.J's got a three-year deal with the Bitch Sox. Please check out the link for a good round-up of all of the controversial calls he was involved in over the postseason. (Poor Josh Paul, who was on the wrong side of one of AJ's gambits, has been condemned to the devil. I mean the Devil Rays. Which is far worse.)

Doug Mientkiewicz, Meet Pixie Vest

Every time a ball is hit from Grudzielanek to Mientkiewicz, an angel gets his wings.

It will be nice to see the sticky guy a jillion times this year, and at least he'll never have to worry about catching a World Series ball again.

Welcome to the Twins...

Tony Batista

Or shall I say, konichi-wa!

EDIT More from the Strib:

"I don't know if we had any alternatives at the third-base spot," Ryan said. "He's a good person, he's been very durable. He's hit the ball over the fence and has driven in runs."

The Twins have not had a player hit at least 30 homers since 1987.

Batista might provide power, but he also has some head-scratching traits. His career on-base percentage is .298. And he doesn't have a lot of range at third, although he has good hands and a good arm.

"He's got the most unique set of stats," Ryan said. "He keeps driving in runs and keeps hitting the ball over the fence, but there are some things that don't equate. It's not ideal, but you're getting a tradeoff here."

The Twins remain in the hunt for a primary designated hitter. They have shown interest in Mike Piazza and Frank Thomas. Even though Jacque Jones' agent has indicated that Jones will reject the Twins' offer of arbitration and sever ties with the club, Ryan is waiting to be told that directly. As long as Jones still has a chance to be on the payroll, Ryan will wait before pursuing free-agent deals.

Mount Crushmore 4-Ever

Or, at the very least, it's been forever since we've had a Mount Crushmore. As ESPN.com tells us, no Twin has hit 30 homers since our beautiful '87. You almost have to try to do that. What do you think--do you think we can get someone to 30 before the 20-year anniversary of Mount Crushmore? Most of our DH candidates seem to have their 30-homer years behind them, and our massive number of plucky light hitting utility infielders will be lucky to hit 30 total. Can the Chairman do it (assuming he's not intentionally walked 465 times next year)? Can the Doctor get it together?

Fare Thee Well, Li'l Sweetcheeks

Jacque Jones has declined arbitration. His agent says he has multiyear offers, and the Twins can't match that. I know he never once put his on the ball when swinging, but I'm going to miss the guy.

One thing about Jacque--besides his smile, which melts Batgirl's heart-- is he had a marvelous tendency to be the guy to hit the ninth inning homerun (or, in the case of the Garcia v. Santana epic Battle of Pitching Hotness, eighth inning dingers. ) There are probably three or four games we owe to a timely Jacque dinger (someone can, and I'm sure will, come up with the right number on this).

Batgirl's been preparing to lose Jacque for two years now--she just hopes the Twins have. Last year we didn't do anything to make up for the loss of Corey's bat, now we're down two of our RBI leaders. Perhaps we can sign some plucky light-hitting utility infielder prospect to make up for it? Because we need more of those.

Jacque rescues Batgirl from her hole.

You Can Take the Boy Out of Saint Paul....

Batgirl was remiss in not posting article from the PiPress about Joe Mauer's new status as a fashion plate. As you may recall, Mauer did a Perry Ellis modeling gig in Puerto Rico earlier this fall.

"I was kind of hoping it didn't get into the paper,'' said Mauer, the Twins' low-key catcher from St. Paul. "I'm sure some of the guys will let me know about it this spring.''

Too late. In fact, Mauer's first national endorsement deal outside shoes and baseball gear already has been a source of much glee and kidding at various Mauer households from St. Paul to Fort Myers, Fla.

"You think we were going to let that one go by?'' said his mother, Teresa.

"Every once in awhile (brothers) Jake or Bill give me a call and give it to me a little bit,'' Mauer said. "Usually mom and dad are first.''

By Thanksgiving, grandpa "Big Jake'' Mauer showed up in a Perry Ellis shirt. "He was looking all sharp,'' Joe Mauer said. "That was pretty funny.''

Mauer, the former No. 1 overall draft pick who spent most of his 2004 rookie season on the disabled list, decided early on to take the endorsement trail slowly. When the offer came a few months ago for the Perry Ellis shoot, it was hard to turn down. "It involved a plane ticket to Puerto Rico. That was pretty appealing,'' he said. "And Perry Ellis is a nice brand of clothes, too.''...

....He said he even liked the styles, from business casual to beachwear. "Except for this one sweater,'' he said. "It was kind of tight-fitting with bright colors. It would draw a lot of attention I think. That's not my style.''

Mauer said he spent part of the shoot hoping the photos with the bright sweater would end up on a back page. "Then the guy shooting said he liked it and said, 'This might be the cover,' "

He's just like AJ, if you substitute "wife beater shirt" for "Perry Ellis" and "chicks I met doing Jello shots" for "brothers."

Bret Boone: Menace to Society

Courtesy of

Boone rolled his golf cart Monday while playing on the Wynn’s $500-a-round high-roller golf course. Later, he created a scene in the bar at the Wynn’s Country Club Grill. Security was called when Boone, 36, got testy with Wynn staffers after they asked him to remove his feet from the bar in an area where patrons were dining.

“Make me!” replied Boone, among other choice words. When Boone fell off his bar stool and hit the floor, friends removed him from the bar before security arrived.

Hot Hot J.C. for Prospect Action

From MLB.com

The Minnesota Twins announced today that they have acquired infielder Alexi Casilla from the Los Angeles Angels in exchange for lefthanded pitcher J.C. Romero.

Casilla, 21, began last season at Arkansas (Double-A, Texas League) and played in just seven games before being promoted to Salt Lake (Triple-A, Pacific Coast League) on April 30. After 13 games he was transferred to Cedar Rapids (Class A, Midwest League) on May 16 where spent the remainder of the season. He batted .325 (100-for-308) with 62 runs scored, 11 doubles, three triples, three homers, 17 RBIs and 47 stolen bases in 78 games for Cedar Rapids. He had a .392 on-base percentage and was fourth in the Midwest League in stolen bases.

Signed by the Angels as a nondrafted free agent in 2003, Casilla has a career Minor League batting average of .297 (206-for-694) with 129 runs scored, 18 doubles, 11 triples, three homers, 49 RBIs and 103 stolen bases in 189 games. He has 74 walks, but just 68 strikeouts and has a career .375 on-base percentage. In 2004, Casilla led the Arizona Rookie League in strikeouts/total plate appearances (1/18.60) and was second in stolen bases (24).

Casilla, who plays 2B/ss, had a breakout '05, in which he was the Midwest League's Player of the Month and had a 22-game hitting streak. In '04 he was one of Baseball Americas top 20 Arizona League prospects. Things are crowded for the Angels in middle infield (and not just with utility players either). It's a curious trade, given the signing of Castillo and the organization's faith in Jason Bartlett. Perhaps he is Castillo's eventual replacement. As for J.C., I'm sorry its all we could get for him; I hoped he'd be a piece in a bigger deal. We're slowly running out of relievers to trade.

Now, where's my DH?

Texas Two-Step

From the Strib:

The Twins spent late Tuesday and early Wednesday talking with the Texas Rangers about a deal for third baseman Hank Blalock during Major League Baseball's winter meetings.

The Twins would give up pitching in return, perhaps lefthander J.C. Romero, as part of a deal. The Twins are trying to hold on to righthander Kyle Lohse, so they might include righthander Scott Baker in the deal. There also are some indications that the deal could be expanded to include outfielder Kevin Mench and/or a third team.

The Twins also are believed to be discussing a three-way deal with Milwaukee and Toronto. The Twins likely would supply Milwaukee with pitching, the Brewers would send Lyle Overbay to Toronto and the Blue Jays would send the Twins a hitter, possibly Shea Hillenbrand.

The Baker/Lohse thing sounds a little fishy to Batgirl, but then again Batgirl is a vegetarian and has never liked fish.

Hurts So Good?

The Strib discusses the Twins on-again interest in Darth Thomas, and the article closes with a good summation of what's the table so far for the Twins:

Ryan is optimistic he'll find a third baseman and a designated hitter, either through a trade or free agency. But it might not come until after the winter meetings. He was expected to meet with the Texas Rangers late Tuesday night, perhaps to revisit talks about third baseman Hank Blalock. He spoke with the agents for outfielder-DH Rondell White. The club also had contact with the agent for DH-catcher Mike Piazza.

Baltimore has expressed interest in righthander Kyle Lohse, but the Orioles might not have the hitter the Twins need and would have to bring in a third team to make it work. The Twins have had a conversation with the Red Sox about third baseman Mike Lowell, but talks ended when the Red Sox asked for Juan Rincon.

That high-pitched guinea-pig-being-tortured noise was Batgirl's insane laughter at that last item. Rincon for Lowell? My ass. We don't need to trade one of the league's best set-up men for someone who hits .236 with 8 homers; we have plenty of guys who can do that already.

The Loneliness of the Small Market Fan

No one knew there were hot hot Bill Mueller sweepstakes, but apparently the Twins bought a bad ticket. This cancels out one of LaVelle E. Neal the III of the Strib's Five Scenarios for the Twins. Meanwhile, the PiPress says . Because, as someone said in the comments yesterday, when you have too many utility infielders, its best to move one to DH.

So....cold.

Post-Castillo Media Round-Up

Jason Williams of the discusses , arguing, essentially, the rotation might not be solid without him next year but we might not be able to afford the hitter we need if we don't trade him. He's got a point--while Liriano is, of course, Santana 2: Electric Boogaloo, his September call-up was rocky and he may not quite be ready to start in the bigs. Williams advocates keeping Lohse, signing Bill Mueller, and getting Dr. Morneau to reach his potential. The latter is something we can all get behind.

For what its worth, Charley Walters says Frank Thomas isn't coming to the Twins. Batgirl expects him next week.

From the Tacoma News-Tribune, an interesting article about the character factor in free agents. Should the Mariners pursue Raffy "Miggy Did It" Palmeiro and Kenny "Anger Management" Rogers? How much should character factor in building a team? How do you treat players with great numbers who have been cast out of their own clubhouses for gross character problems?

Cleveland upgrades their pitching staff with that guy who looks like Frasier Krane.

And finally, el diablo sends this site, along with his undying love: Bert Belongs. It's an extremely cool Bert for HOF site. Check out how Bert stacks up against other pitching greats!

And, extra-finally, there's a new Twins blog at !

Edit: Oh yes, and AJ Involved in Pro Wrestling Brawl. Damn, I miss him.

Welcome to the Twins...

Luis Castillo.

p.s. His Stats

It's a good start. Now, let's get Batgirl a DH.

BatMiscellany IV: A New Hope

The saga of Dougie's Baseball continues: now that the Sox have had it for a year, they want to keep it. EDIT: In the comments, Bubblemint links to this article on the whereabouts of the World Series balls from 1990- to the present. (Hint: Mostly, with the guy who caught the darned thing.)

Meanwhile, the Twins are allegedly pursuing Luis Castillo. EDIT and more from the Strib. Also, according to the same article, they're looking at Darth Thomas, to which Batgirl begs them to stay away from the Dark Side. As the old saying goes, "We need a pitcher, not a belly itcher..." and "We need a hitter, not an injury-prone attitude problem on the career decline."

Oh, and the Twins want to give Cuddy a new position.

SI's Rumors page says that the Royals have offered Li'l Sweetcheeks a sweet four year deal, sourcing the PiPress. The PiPress also said that the Cards were interested in JJ, because Missouri hearts Jacque Jones. (Or at least Jacque Jones's agent hearts Missouri...)

And finally, Juan "Boo" Rincon is auctioning off items to help buy baseball equipment for kids in Venezuela. If that helps produce future Juan Rincon or El Presidente, I say no bid is too high.

But Will the Sportswriters There Get His Name Right?

From Sunday Super Shooter Charley Walters:

Free-agent Twins outfielder Jacques Jones, who was paid $5 million by Minnesota last season, could end up with a $20 million, three-year offer from the St. Louis Cardinals soon.

You can't blame Charley, really. Jacque's only been with the team for, what, six years?

Jim Thome: Bitch Sock

Well, here I compose my nice Thanksgiving message and close down for a few days, and then something like this happens.

Taking One For The Team

In the comments to yesterday's post, Batlings have begun a hot and purely unsubstantiated Hank Blalock-to-Twins rumor. There are rumors that Hankles is going to Florida, though there are more rumors that the Fish would then turn him around and trade him to someone else. [Not anymore. --ed.]His salary is not unworkable; what we need is something to trade. Batlings have generally shown an unwillingness to lose our hot young startling [STARTLING: A young starting pitcher. -ed.] pitching, so let's get creative here. Remember, this might hurt a bit. I have seasons 1-4 of the X-Files on DVD and I'm willing to trade them for Hank Blalock. (I'm not trading my complete set of Buffy DVDs though, except for maybe David Ortiz. And even then, I'd have to think about it.)

BatRumors and Skepticism

From the PiPress:

Word within baseball circles is that the Twins are trying to trade with the Florida Marlins for third baseman Mike Lowell.

The Twins, though, want the Marlins to pick up a good part of the $16 million that Lowell, 31, is guaranteed for the next two years. The Twins are expected to offer pitching (Kyle Lohse, J.C. Romero and/or Scott Baker) and could make a deal by the second week in December. The 6-foot-3, 210-pound Lowell is the Marlins' highest-salaried player. Retaining Lohse would cost the Twins about $4 million for next season.

Former St. Paul Saints infielder Kevin Millar of the Red Sox is a free-agent possibility for the Twins. The Twins have cooled on free-agent Boston Red Sox third baseman Bill Mueller, in whom they had an interest.

Lowell is also supposed to be going to Texas with Josh Beckett, and I don't think the Rangers are going to need anyone to pick up part of his salary. Nor does it seem like the Marlins would want to; according to one paper they're one the verge of a fire sale.

He Saved a Chick From Drowning, But Can He Save the Twins?

Hmmmm. Any truth to this one, or is he just making it up? From the NY Daily News:

Twins GM Terry Ryan insisted rumors of Torii Hunter being on the trading block are unfounded. "I'm looking to add offense, not subtract it," Ryan said. In that regard, look for him to sign Nomar Garciaparra to play shortstop.

More Korean Baseball Cartoons

Choi Hoon is back with his Korean Baseball cartoons, including an end of the year Twins round-up. Dear readers, what do you think the panels say?

Note: BG has expurgated and relaid out the cartoon for space reasons. Here is the original.

Oh, and the poor Doctor. Way harsh.

BatMiscellany III: The Return of BatMiscellany

Joe Mauer:

Jacque Jones:Plan B for San Diego?

Johan Santana: Robbed! (Robbed, I say!)

Chicks: the GMs of the future? (Ridiculous. Chicks don't like baseball.)

Philly Paper Calls Sid Giant Windbag

Well, not really. But they're not taking the rumored Thome conversations very seriously.

Batgirl has also had conversations with people involved in the Oakland organization about trading Eric Chavez for Brent Abernathy and Chris Heinz. In this deal, the A's would have to pay part of Chavez's salary and also give Batgirl a pony. Batgirl will not mention how the A's half of the conversation went.

BatMiscellany II: BatMiscellany Strikes Back

According to the Strib, Reggie Jackson wants to buy the Twins. Jackson lives in Sin City and it's hard to imagine he wouldn't want to move any team he acquires there. While the prospect of Joe Mauer in Las Vegas could provide an entire season's worth of comedy, maybe he should focus on buying some other girl's team. Stay away, Reggie Jackson. In the spirit of Batgirl's pundit idol, Stephen Colbert, Batgirl is putting Reggie Jackson ON NOTICE.

(Edit It's funny how this story emerges right now, isn't it? If one were a skeptical person, one might call this more blackmail on behalf of the organization for the stadium bill. But maybe one isn't skeptical. That's one's own business. )

In non-Reggie-Jackson-likes-to-torture-puppies news, the NY Post seems to think that the Yankees are going to . Cano seems to be off-limits, and other scuttlebutt has it that he's not enough for the Twins to pull the trigger on that trade. (Good.) Again, Batgirl doesn't see the point in trading Torii for offense. After the probable loss of Jacque (and even Big LeRoy) we're already in a run-producing hole even from last year's pathetic showing. Losing a 25 homer 80 RBI guy to get a 30/100 guy isn't going to cut it. Not to mention the devastating blow to HQ (hotness quotient).

Also, Eric from the sadly extinct and very sassy Baseball Boys has a new baseball blog. Wheee! Check it out at Routine Grounders.

BatMiscellany

Voting has started for the This Year in Baseball Awards. You can give the Vice President your support as closer of the year.

Al over at Bleed Cubbie Blue has a nice ode to Met Stadium.

According to Sid, the Twins have indeed contacted the Phils about Jim Thome. TR is going to win Batgirl's Sweet Talker of the Year Award if he pulls this off

EDIT: As Twins Geek pointed out in the comments, Sid was merely relating that the Philadephia Inquirer reported that the Twins inquired about Thome, but the Geek can't find any such article in the Inquirer and neither can BG. If anyone can pull it up (possibly from another newspaper) let BG know.

Further EDIT Today, Sid says the Twins have confirmed the talks.

. Meanwhile, no one on the Twins' front office is talking to Jacque, sweet or otherwise.

Oops.

Looks like Matty Lawton's been dipping into Batkitty #1's stash.

But Those Four Months Were Gold

Torii Hunter is so good he doesn't have have to play the whole season to win the Gold Glove. He packs more defense in in four months than most men do in six. In your face, most men.

Getting It Started In Here: 2

In the Strib, LaVelle runs down some of what he sees as the trade and signing options for the Twins. The list looks purely speculative (are the Phils really going to eat half of Jim Thome's salary to trade him to little ol' us?) and already out of date (The Cubbies picked up the option on Todd Walker last week.) but it's interesting. As for Guzie, I think he's kidding.

Free To Be Paul Konerko or Shigetoshi Hasegawai

Let's get it started, let's get it started in here. Here is a list of potential free agents from ESPN.com. Take your pick. BG will start making calls.

Wallace Stevens and Keats in a Baseball Column? Sign BG Up.

Pulled from the comments. This, from the Chicago Tribune deserves to be read. Yes, it celebrates the Sox victory, but it also lovingly describes the glory of baseball.

"Baseball is played in the summer but ends in the autumn, when the light starts to fail and kids are called inside early, taken reluctantly from their games in vacant lots and dead-end streets. The moments are precious because they perish. The joy is special because it's temporary. 'Death is the mother of beauty,' wrote Wallace Stevens. What makes today so amazing--the first full day after the Sox victory--is that it is unique in the history of the world. And will remain so. Cherish it, because it is moving steadily out of your reach."

EDIT And here, thanks to BatBandwagoner, is the NYTimes article from the game Kirby Puckett singlehandedly won for us in the '91 World Series, another gorgeous piece of baseball writing.

NOTHING was happening, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing but increasing tension. The zeros on the scoreboard last night in the Metrodome were dropping inning after inning after inning, as if a row of hens were working overtime. It appeared that the best and concluding moments of this baseball season -- maybe the best of any baseball season -- might last forever.

This was the seventh game of the World Series, and, after three, four, five, six, seven innings, nobody could score. People tried: The Minnesota Twins got a runner to third in the third inning; the Atlanta Braves did likewise in the fifth. But nothing happened. The pitchers, Jack Morris of the Twins and John Smoltz of the Braves, were matching sets of excellence, bookends of bravado.

It was preposterous. It couldn't get more dramatic. It did.

In the eighth, both teams loaded the bases with one out, but the Twins turned a double play to end the Braves' threat. In the bottom of the inning, the Braves did precisely the same thing to the Twins, behind Mike Stanton, who had replaced Smoltz.

It went into the ninth inning, 0-0. That is, 16 zeros. Nothing had happened, and it just kept on happening. And into the 10th: zero, of course, to zero. The longest Game 7 with no score in the history of the World Series.

And there it ended. Dan Gladden hit a broken-bat double, and there was a sacrifice bunt and two intentional walks, and then with the bases loaded and a pulled-in outfield, Gene Larkin, a seldom-used infielder, stepped up to pinch-hit. He was facing Alejandro Pena, now on the mound for the Braves. The noisy home crowd of 55,000 was on its feet and creating a snowstorm by waving its white homer hankies. And Larkin responded. He looped a fly ball over the outstretched glove of left fielder Brian Hunter, for a single to score the lone run of the game.

Suddenly it was over. Suddenly the Twins had won. But the Braves did not lose. They just didn't win the World Series, is all.

Sometimes the gods are just. Sometimes even they, taking time from their flutes and lyres and various dalliances, will determine that we, too, down below, could use a bit more pleasure, especially in these times of gloomy national recession and despairing world affairs and the football season. And so they, along with Kirby Puckett, in the guise of a mere mortal, conspired to give us one more game of baseball.

Not just any game, of course, but a Seventh Game of the World Series. And not just any World Series, either. But one that has gone from the dramatic to the melodramatic, from suspenseful theater to the old Saturday afternoon serial thriller.

Four of the first six games between the Braves and the Twins had been decided by one run, and three had been determined only in the home half of the final inning, to break up a tie game -- one concluding in the ninth inning and one in the 12th, with plays at the plate, and, on Saturday night, in the 11th, with Puckett's game-ending home run.

But we needed this game, Game 7, and that's the simple truth. It was only fitting and proper. It was all so unlikely, all so upside-down, but this seems to restore the cosmic balance: Two teams that finished last in their divisions the year before win the pennants. Each team knowing in its heart that it cannot lose, that the fates have ordained that this is their season.

Each team understanding that it has come this far, that it has done it by coming from behind not only during the season, but in game after game, and thus overcoming all the odds fashioned by Las Vegas and Olympus.

Each team has had its improbable heroes: Mark Lemke, brought in for defensive purposes, hits a trio of triples, and is prominent in winning Games 3, 4 and 5; Scott Leius, who was only iffy on making the team in spring training, homers to win Game 2; and Jerry Willard, who had left baseball for a season a few years ago because he was going nowhere, is called in to pinch-hit and hits a sacrifice fly to win Game 4. And finally Larkin.

It just had to come down to the wire, to a photo finish.

The Twins went up two games to none, and then the Braves came back to take a 3-2 lead, and then the Twins tied it up, three games each.

The dream season would end on a dream: Game 7 of the World Series. "Every kid has dreamed about this," said Jack Morris on Saturday night. "When I was a kid, my brother and I used to play whiffle ball and I pretended that I was Bob Gibson and he was Mickey Mantle."

But since this is real life, we know that the gods can be cruel, and, using us for their sport, may turn dreams into nightmares.

Ask Charlie Liebrandt, who got knocked out of Game 1, and then in Game 6 was brought back in relief to start the home half of the 11th inning. He faced one batter, Mr. Puckett, and threw a total of four pitches. Two were balls and two were strikes, including the last, which ended up in the left center field bleachers.

After the game, a large group of reporters gathered around Charlie Liebrandt's locker. After a long period in the trainer's room and the shower, with most of his teammates gone, Liebrandt, lean, grim, a cup of beer in his hand, and his eyes looking only straight ahead, parted the crowd around his locker. "Nothing tonight, guys," he said to the newsy assemblage.

There was nothing tonight, guys.

Except, of course, for the memory, and the dream, and the nightmare.

And there was the tingling anticipation that all this set up: Game 7. It had to be. And better than anyone could have imagined.

As the scoreboard, in its way, had been reminding us: Oh, oh, oh yes.

VaVaVaVrooom?

From MLB.com:

The Minnesota Twins announced today that they have named Joe Vavra the club's hitting coach.

Vavra, 45, spent the last four seasons as the Twins' Minor League Field Coordinator. In that capacity, he was responsible for evaluating minor league players and staff, coordinating and participating in on-field instruction, developing organization policies throughout the system and setting up and overseeing the daily workout schedule during spring training, the regular season and the instructional league. The Twins were named Organization of the Year by Baseball America in two (2002 and 2004) of his four seasons.

EDIT Torii, I love you, you are the purest specimen of manliness ever to walk the earth, but you're beginning to

Gee, Maybe It Will Be Sheff

Rumors are flying that the Yanks and the Red Sox are very interested in the services of Mr. Torii K. Hunter. While BG can fathom a couple Red Sox trades, who on earth do the Yankees think they're going to give to us for Torii? They say Cano is off-limits (and isn't he craptastic defensively anyway?) and the rest of their roster makes, minimum, 80 mil a year.

EDIT: And in other news, Dougie really needs to learn that silence is golden. I can't imagine who he and AJ ever have a conversation, doesn't one of them have to be not talking at any given time?

FURTHER EDIT: BG found this comment from Frightwig to be stunning in its insight:

I imagine Doug and A.J. as a pair of Furbies, contentedly babbling away at each other. Or maybe Dougie does most of the talking, while A.J. punctuates his thoughts with the occasional "BOO-YAA!" and "Fuck, yeah!"

Discuss.

America's Sweetheart?

Every postseason, a national hero is born--someone whose character inspires us, teaches us something about ourselves, challenges us to be our best selves. Judging by the media coverage the last few days, that hero has already been annointed.

From MLB.com Pierzynski Catches Praise, Ire

From the Chicago Tribune Man in the Middle: Trouble Seems to Follow AK Pierzynski. But the Sox and their fans have grown to love him.

EDIT And from the Strib: Patrick Reusse: AJ Brings White Sox a Winning Edge

Still, there was something lost on the day Pierzynski departed, and it's a quality that has been in view through October -- all the way to tonight's opening game of the World Series.

"The Twins became too nice when they traded A.J.," Doug Mientkiewicz said. "We had an edge to the way we played with A.J. You could see it in the Twins this season. There was no edge to that team."

Molitor declines Twins job

"I spent a lot of time thinking about it," Molitor, 49, told the Star Tribune for a report in its Tuesday editions. "I decided to allow myself more flexibility in my personal time with my family and other issues. I took a lot of time and went back and forth, trying to go through the schedule and try to make it work. Then I started thinking about things I wanted to get done."

Read more at ESPN: http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=2194604

SidBits

BG's close personal friend Sid Hartman has a few choice tidbits in his column today. BG can't actually find the link in the "improved" Strib, but here are said tidbits:

Paul Molitor will replace Al Newman on the Twins coaching staff if negotiations for a contract can be worked out. Scott Ullger would then become the third base coach and Molitor would become the hitting coach...My good friend Ron Simon represents Molitor and can be a very difficult negotiator...Visiting with Pohlad recently I got the impression he might raise the salary budget some, but only if the right players were available to help the team score more runs. There's no doubt Pohlad would like one more World Series crown....Ryan said that there's a possibility Matt LeCroy, who was released, could be back with the Twins depending on what players are added to the roster.

Monkey See Monkey Do

It seems our AJ was involved in a controversial play once again, but really, what's a little catcher's interference among friends? BG did not see the game and missed these "bad calls." How bad were they?

From the Strib: Bad Calls, Bad Play Hurt LA

Oh, Good

This is Batgirl's very first Viking-related post, but she was totally relieved to see this headline in the morning's Strib:

Tice Will Crack Down on Tardiness, Rule Breakers

Next time you guys have a big sex party and totally screw Batgirl's hopes for Legovision Park, BE ON TIME.

EDIT: Goober asks that BG remind everyone that the Twins are no stranger to sex parties. Kris Benson: What Might Have Been.

AJ, Keep on Reaching for Those...Stars?

Also, please see this choice tidbit from an article on Batgirl bad boy boyfriend AJ and his baserunning ploy last night in the The Washington Post:

There was a text message on [AJ'S] cell phone. It was Doug Mientkiewicz, his teammate when both were with the Minnesota Twins, who famously caught the last out of the Boston Red Sox' World Series sweep, then kept the ball.

"Even when you strike out u cause problems," came the message.

Pierzynski chuckled. Then came another: "Go keep the base, you'll make bank off that photo."

Thanks to Shoeless Joe for the heads-up, and Eileen for the picture.

Nomar: Tall and Sort of Funny Looking Superhero

From ESPN:

BOSTON (Oct. 11) - Former Red Sox shortstop Nomar Garciaparra rescued two women who had fallen into Boston Harbor late last week, his uncle and a witness told the Boston Herald.

Garciaparra, traded to the Chicago Cubs on July 31, 2004, was with his
uncle in his Charlestown condominium at about 10PM ET Friday when they
heard a scream and a splash, said the uncle, Victor Garciaparra.

As soon as the All-Star shortstop and two-time American League batting
champ ran out the door to help the woman, her friend also fell in, hitting
her head on the pier, said Victor Garciaparra, who oversees his nephew's
business and charitable ventures.

Victor Garciaparra jumped from the balcony to the water 20 feet below.

"I swam towards them and by the time I reached them, Nomar was already
there holding the girls up," he told the newspaper. "But he couldn't get
them up without help."

The Week In Review

The Twins are taking a bulldozer to their 40-man roster, clearing space for some minor leaguers who will need protection on the 40-man and perhaps some acquisitions. Rivas, Mays, LeCroy, Abernathy, Michael Ryan, Jason Tyner, and Glenn Williams were all removed from the roster. According to the Twins website, and the Strib LeCroy plans to try out free agency, and the club hopes to invite Tyner, Williams, and Abernathy to spring training. With LeCroy gone, the Twins need another righthanded bat more than ever, which raises the question--is Chili Davis still available?

EDIT: Last night Batgirl dreamt that she was watching a Reds game and Chili Davis stepped up to the plate. She was mighty surprised to see him still playing and a little embarrassed that she'd posted the above. But he looked hot.

Good-Bye to Big Crawdaddy and Joe Mays.

From the PiPress:

The Twins outrighted the contracts of designated hitter Matthew LeCroy, outfielder Jason Tyner and infielder Glenn Williams to Class AAA Rochester and have declined their 2006 option on right-handed pitcher Joe Mays, the Twins announced Friday.

Mays was certainly expected, but he's a classy guy and BG hopes he has a monster year wherever he ends up, preferably the national league. LeRoy was probably gone, too, but BG's sure going to miss his dancing shoes, not to mention his running.

Can something fun happen now?

EDIT: For an excellent discussion of the 40-man roster, please see Twins Killings.

EDIT: a little help on outrighting from Will Young.

A player being outrighted means that he has cleared waivers and is being removed from the 40-man roster (the reason all these guys cleared the roster is because no team wants to clog their roster that this point of the year when they have to add prospects in a month). Each player can be outrighted once without his permission (unless he has at least five years of MLB service time). However, Jason Tyner and Glenn Williams assuredly have already been outrighted at least once by their previous organizations. On the second attempt, the player can refuse the assignment (they are being assigned to Rochester), and opt for free agency within 72 hours. These players cannot return to the majors unless they are re-added to a 40-man roster of any team.

I Told You the Offseason Sucks.

Al Newman leaves for Diamondbacks:

Third base coach Al Newman will leave the Twins to become an advance scout with the Arizona Diamondbacks, ending a four-year stint that included some communication problems with other members of the coaching staff.

The move took place a week after Newman met with General Manager Terry Ryan, during which Ryan brought up some concerns.

"I chose to go somewhere because it was apparent that there were difficulties here," Newman said. "If there were some difficulties here, I wished they would have addressed them before it came to this."

This is just...terrible. I spit at this news. Seeing guys round third base is never going to be the same. Who is going to slap players' buttocks with such enthusiasm? BG quite simply loves Al Newman, and she's going to miss him like crazy.

Now, can we win next year so everything isn't so bleepin' blargin' awful?

Dude! That is NOT COOL!

This year, a close personal friend of Batgirl's described Ozzie Guillen as classy in a national publication. Indeed, all the stupid trash talking and bitching seemed to have subsided this year, and Guillen gave the distinct impression he wouldn't allow it. But Batgirl wonders what her close personal friend thought when she saw this picture:

That's Guillen gesturing to some Cleveland fans on Sunday. The Sox website refers to it as a "joke," but BG is not entirely sure it's that funny. Sure, Ozzie's probably heard it up to his curly locks from those same fans, but the thing about being a professional is you're not supposed to taunt back. And if BG were among those fans, she would have a distinct desire to kick him in the nads, but as regular readers know, BG has anger management issues. And tae kwon do training.

EDIT: It seems from some of our friendly neighborhood Sox fans that Ozzie was clowning around with the Cleveland mascot, who had fake mooned him. One hopes Joe Buck was apoplectic at the fake mooning.

Just When You Thought You'd Seen Everything

Picture and headline courtesy of TwinsGoddess

Chewbacca throws out the first pitch at Fenway. A word of advice: Let the wookie win.

Sweetcheeks

The Strib is filled with talk of trading Torii Hunter, the Twins de facto captain, today:

Is Torii on the Way Out?

Jim Souhan:Don't Even Think About It

A few months ago, Batgirl thought the idea of trading Torii was ludicrous; he's the team's marquee player. During the clubhouse celebration after the Twins clinched last year, Terry Ryan spent most of it clenching Torii to him and whispering to him lovingly--it wasn't hard to figure out his message: You're my guy. They use him to market the team and he puts butts in seats and gets the Twins on Baseball Tonight. It doesn't seem so ludicrous now; he's been gone for two months and the team is grimly plodding along without him, there's clearly been conflict between Torii and some of the new players, and it seems he might be miserable next year if they do lose JJ.

Nonethless, BG says trading Torii would be asinine. Yes, she's biased--Torii touched Batgirl in a way she'd never been touched before. But after a dismal and discouraging year, losing the grinning, shiny-domed face of the team would be a kick in the stomach, a move entirely based on payroll, another sign that Pohlad cares nothing for the team itself and only for his pocketbook--and Batgirl, for one, would be livid and would lose some of her enthusiasm for the team. Unless we can trade Torii for David Ortiz, there's no way we could make up for what we've lost--are there really two hitters at 5 million a piece that are going to both fill Torii's vacuum and help make the team better on top of that? We need to add RBIs, and a lot of them. We don't need to lose another 75-RBI guy (and on the Twins, that's a lot). We need a few veterans on this team--losing Koskie, Batgirl thinks, was the card that caused our delicate house to collapse. We need guys that leap over walls to make catches. As Souhan says--there are some things more important than math, whether it be .OPS or that all-consuming all-important payroll. Baseball isn't just numbers, it's an emotional game--the Tigers, for instance, have plenty of hitters but no team, and they will languish under .500 again.

We need hitters, that is clear, and we're going to have to make some sacrifices. But this one doesn't make sense, either practically or, more important, symbolically.

Trade Hunter and you'll have one discouraged, disheartened Batgirl.

Please discuss, but remember this is an emotional issue and please stay respectful.

BG Thought He'd Be More Of An Ashlee Man

From the

Before many Twins home games, the clubhouse blares with sounds of reggaeton, rap with a Latin twist. But many of the Twins listen to their own music collections on iPods, the personal audio players that have become hugely popular in recent years.

"If you watch before the game, there will be 15 guys in here with iPods on," catcher Mike Redmond said. "I guess that's the new trend"...

..."I've got mostly country music. I've got some rap. I've got some Top 40 stuff. I like pretty much anything country. Tim McGraw. I've got Jessica Simpson. I've got Tupac. I like a lot of different stuff. But if I was going to buy a CD or something, it'd probably be a country CD."

Kyle SMASH!

Kyle Lohse might have started his last game for the Twins.The right-hander could have sealed his fate with the organization when he dented manager Ron Gardenhire's Metrodome office door, apparently with a bat, after an early departure from Tuesday night's start...

Lohse, who has had a strained relationship with the on-field and front-office staffs the past three years, was infuriated about being pulled from Tuesday's game against the Texas Rangers after allowing five runs in two innings. Soon after leaving the game, he went into the clubhouse and damaged Gardenhire's metal door, the manager said.

Lohse also broke the doorknob and dented the door on the clubhouse workers' locker room adjacent to Gardenhire's office. Later Tuesday, Lohse told reporters that Gardenhire and his coaching staff didn't "stand behind me and say, 'We've got your back.'

Last year, BG was not happy with Lohse, her erstwhile pitching boyfriend, for blaming everyone but himself for his struggles, but this year he seemed to have really matured, sacrificing pitches (and ego) as the coaching staff asked him to, to the benefit of his performance, and handling his periodic struggles with grace. But slamming a bat around the clubhouse: not cool. Saying they don't have your back when they stood by you through all those struggles: also not cool. Damaging yourself physically through your own tantrums, also not cool. It's okay to be emotional, but a) no smashing things b) you gotta know when to come back with your tail between your legs and say you're sorry. And and c) try not to hurt your finger next time.

You want to know who is cool? Joe Mays, Joe Mays is cool. BG heard him on the radio and he was just so graceful. He said he doesn't want to be in the bullpen but he's been terrible and he shouldn't be in the ro' if he's going to pitch like that. Also, he didn't smash anything. Joe Mays has earned BG's lifelong respect for the way he's handled his struggles this season. Also, nice job out of the bullpen yesterday, dude.

Mmmmmmmm...Liriano

From the Strib:

Liriano, a lefthander, was called up to the majors by the Twins on Friday, bringing with him a fastball in the mid-90s and an arsenal similar to Johan Santana's...

Liriano, 21, was 3-5 with a 3.64 ERA in 13 starts at Class AA New Britain. He had 26 walks and 92 strikeouts in 762/3 innings. That earned him a promotion to Class AAA Rochester.

At Rochester, Liriano was 9-2 with a 1.76 ERA in 14 starts, with 24 walks and 112 strikeouts in 91 innings. Combined, that's a 12-7 record, 2.63 ERA with 50 walks and 204 strikeouts in 1672/3 innings -- which is why he's considered one of the best pitching prospects in the game. In addition to his fastball, Liriano throws a slider and a changeup.

"[General Manager] Terry Ryan told me he was very good," manager Ron Gardenhire said. "Terry doesn't throw out 'very good' very often."

Hurricane Relief

The Twins will be auctioning off several items and packages this weekend to help with hurricane relief. Please see the Twins website for details.

Also, the American Red Cross is taking donations here. Or else please see Minnesota Helps. And for all the batdoggies and kitties in the affected areas, please visit the ASPCA.

Welcome to the Bigs...

Jason Tyner and Francisco Liriano (a.k.a Santana 2: Electric Boogaloo, as dubbed by Batling Torhu.)

Nice to see you.

Caption This

Readers, what on earth is going on with Bobby Kielty?

SI Insults Metrodome. Batgirl Outraged!

On Wednesday, Sports Illustrated published a Fan Value Index asking which ballpark gives fans the "most bang for their buck." Using a complicated formula, they determined that the Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome "may be the worst place to watch a baseball game in America."

Now, really. Batgirl is tired of all these big city east coast fancy dan media elite coming in and harshing on the HumpDome. Sure, it's an assheap, but it's OUR assheap. There must be worse places to watch a baseball game—prison, a cesspool, the floor of a poultry processing facility, levels five through nine of hell, the south side of Chicago.

Readers, can you think of others?

Buerhle: Rangers CHEAT!

From ESPN.

Chicago White Sox left-hander Mark Buehrle called the Texas Rangers cheaters on Tuesday, claiming that the team signals pitches to batters through a high-tech light system in center field.

Buehrle suggested Monday night that the Rangers knew what he was throwing during Chicago's 7-5 loss, and he repeated the accusation before Tuesday's doubleheader.

"I've heard rumors, so it's not just me saying this," Buehrle said. "I've heard it from tons of people. It's not just me saying this. ... Something's going on because they hit so good at home. The way they hit here, you'd have to raise an eyebrow to figure something's going on. Look at the stats. I'm not just making this up."

Mark, honey, if you pay attention to the sequence of the lights, you'll see they're really saying they come in peace.

Link courtesy of Al from Bleeds Cubbie Blue

A Milk Miracle: Dairy, Dairy Good.

You may have read the story of the Marlins batboy suspended six games for trying to drink a gallon of milk on a dare. As someone who is lactose-intolerant, Batgirl was delighted that the Marlins were taking this brave stance against dairy. In this age of looking the other way as players abuse their bodies with performance-enhancing drugs, it gratified Batgirl to see a baseball team really crack down against milk, which, as we all know, does a body good.

But, in a new twist to the story, the Fort Myers Miracle has taken a softer approach to dealing with the boy, choosing, not to treat him as a criminal, but to help him as he struggles to overcome milk-abuse.

From ESPN.com:

In addition, the Fort Myers Miracle, the Minnesota Twins' Single-A affiliate in the Florida State League, have offered him an honorary batboy position during their game Monday night against the Tampa Yankees.

"Similar to a rehab stint, we want to help this kid stay on top of his game," Miracle GM Steve Gliner said. "Instead of crying over spilt milk, we decided to offer him the honorary post."

All kids 14 and under will receive a pint of milk upon entering the stadium. The Miracle will also have a cow at the front gates and literature will be passed out on the importance of drinking milk. Empty milk cartons will be placed around the ballpark, so fans can donate money to the out-of-work batboy.

Batgirl would like to thank the Miracle for showing her that milk-abusers are people, too, and with a little compassion they, too, can become milk-free.

Waiver Wire Follies

Yes, we claimed Alfonso Soriano off waivers, but it does not look like a deal is going to happen. Both the Minneapolis and Texas papers seem to think it was a "blocking" move--to make sure no other team could get Soriano. The clubs have until the end of the day today to work out a trade if one is to be made. Here is the article from MLB.com. For more discussion, see Twins Geek.

Please note: neither J.C. Romero nor Kyle Lohse cleared waivers and they cannot be traded. Joe Mays did clear waivers, but, as the Geek points out, it is unlikely Texas would want him given his contract status.

The Past is a Lie, Memory Has No Return

From the Strib Sunday in Sid Hartman's column:

Twins General Manager Terry Ryan and minor league instructor Paul Molitor were in New Britain, Conn., when the Rock Cats' John Thomas knocked an opponent with a good blow to the jaw when the baserunner ran into Thomas at home plate.

From the Strib Monday in the Twins' Notebook:

Class AA New Britain outfielder James Tomlin finished serving a three-game suspension Sunday after starting a bench-clearing incident Thursday at Harrisburg, Pa.

With Ryan in attendance, Tomlin delivered a forearm to the head of Harrisburg catcher John Wilson, sparking the incident. Both Tomlin and Wilson were suspended.

Who is right? Who is wrong? Can we ever really know? Can we be certain about anything that happened in the past? Do our recollections deceive us, and if they do, is anything really knowable? Or are we doomed to to wander endlessly in a fog of uncertainty?

The truth is out there, somewhere, my darlings. Find out what really happened and win a job as Star Tribune factchecker!

Flights of Angels, Double Duty

From the Chicago Tribune:

He was 6 years old when the Cubs last won the World Series. And he was 15 when the White Sox last captured it all.

That should help long-suffering Chicago baseball fans put into perspective the remarkable life span of Theodore Roosevelt "Double Duty" Radcliffe, believed to have been the oldest living former Negro leagues baseball player. He succumbed to cancer at his South Side home Thursday at the age of 103.

He was an all-star catcher and pitcher in the Negro leagues for half a century, including a stint with the Chicago American Giants in 1934, 1941-43 and again in 1949-50. He played in Negro leagues All-Star games in front of 50,000 people at the old Comiskey Park. He also played in an exhibition game at Wrigley Field in 1945, the year the Cubs went on to win the National League pennant.

"I played against Andy Pafko and all of them," Radcliffe said two years ago. "Some of them were better than others, you know that. The boy who played third base . . . what was his name? Stan Hack? He was good. And Andy Pafko was a good ballplayer."

Radcliffe, who played for more than 30 Negro leagues teams in 36 years, is estimated to have had more than 4,000 hits and 400 home runs while batting .303, according to biographer Kyle P. McNary. He also won about 500 games and had 4,000 strikeouts. He later became a manager.

The article tells a marvelous story. Here, too, is the obit from ESPN.

Fear and Loathing in the AL Central

A close personal friend of Batgirl's has an essay on Salon.com about coping with the Sox's domination of the AL Central.

(If you are not a Salon subscriber, you will have to watch an ad to read the whole article.)

Oh, For Cute.

From CBS Sportsline:

Nine-month-old Cole Nathan, right, son of Minnesota Twins pitcher Joe Nathan, enjoys a laugh with 13-month old Isabella LeCroy as her dad, Twins' Matthew LeCroy, holds them both during a Twins family game prior to the game against the Boston Red Sox, Sunday, Aug. 7, 2005 in Minneapolis.

Thanks to Eric for the link.

It Was Beautiful, For a Moment

From MLB.com:

Just like old times: Johan Santana made a startling announcement in the clubhouse before Friday's game.

"Ladies and gentleman, we have a new player," Santana said. "We made a trade."

In walked Red Sox slugger David Ortiz, wearing Jacque Jones' No. 11 jersey. Ortiz played with the Twins from 1997-2002 and was a clubhouse favorite before joining Boston in 2003. He was batting .298 with 25 home runs and 88 RBIs entering play Friday.

"Change the lineup," Gardenhire joked.

BatKitty #1 speaks

Many of you no doubt saw on TV or read in the papers Wednesday morning that BatKitty #1 tested positive under the MLB's new drug policy. Late Thursday night the AP quoted a statement from BatKitty:

"First of all, I want to make clear that I have never intentionally used performance-enhancing substances, never. Ever. Period.

I am sure you will ask how I tested positive for a banned substance. As I look back, I don't have a specific answer to give.

As you might imagine, I don’t arrange my own meals. I am fed by Batgirl or by another member of Team Batgirl. I can only say that I trusted Batgirl to provide me with food that is acceptable under Major League Baseball’s new drug policy, and leave it at that.

I take my role as BatKitty #1 very seriously. Everything I have accomplished is the result of hard work and dedication to being the best possible Kitty I can be."

Steroid watch: BatKitty #1

Steroid watch: Mariners' Ryan Franklin

"It could have been worse, but not much," RD said, resignedly -- UPDATE WITH BOOne's RELEASE

From the Strib's Joe Christensen:

Twins center fielder Torii Hunter has a broken left ankle and no apparent tendon damage, but he could still miss the rest of the season, test results showed today.

Hunter, who injured the ankle trying to make a first inning catch Friday at Fenway Park, underwent an MRI exam and CT scan of his left foot and ankle Monday.

The good news, according to the team's announcement, was that the results didn't show any evidence of a tendon tear. But it did show a small non-displaced fracture of the talus, or ankle, bone.

Hunter is expected to be on crutches for three to four weeks. Surgery does not appear necessary, but the team gave no timetable for his return.

Hunter, 30, has hit .269 with 14 home runs and 56 RBI this season. He went on the 15-day disabled list after Friday's game. Lew Ford has taken his place in center field.

Boone released

Later Monday afternoon, the Twins called an end to the Bret Boone experiment. Boone, who hit .170 during his stint with the Twins, was cut loose. Taking his place on the roster will be shortstop Jason Bartlett, who started the season as the Twins' everyday shortstop. He was called up from Class AAA Rochester.

Palmeiro?

Trade Deadline Passes

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Burnett Media Round-Up

A close friend of BG's has an in-depth analysis of the Marlins demands for an AJ Burnett trade on ESPN.com's Page 2.

And in other Page 2 news, Jim Caple had a terrific piece yesterday on old skool bats which included this fascinating tidbit:

Bret Boone has been known to keep more than 120 bats by his lockers, dividing them into hot and cold piles. Boone's bats are all generally the same model but he's convinced some feel good and some don't, and even the ones that feel good today might not feel good tomorrow. That's why he has Louisville Slugger on speed dial, frequently calling the company in the middle of the night for another order.

Uh, Really? Are You Sure?

Latest trade scuttlebutt has the Twins involved in a three way with Boston and Florida, getting Mueller for Mays and Romero. That seems a mite excessive to Batgirl. Here's the article from the Boston Globe. (Thanks to Carrie IC for the heads-up)

EDIT Here's more from the Boston Herald. Are the Twins trying to get Mueller and Millar? Please note that one article says the Twins are not willing to part with Lohse but rather Mays, and another says they'd rather deal Lohse, so, you know, take them for what they're worth.

Changes a-Coming?

From the Strib:

The Red Sox have called the Twins looking for pitching. Boston is believed to be interested in lefthander J.C. Romero, who could help stabilize a bullpen that had a 5.51 ERA entering Monday -- the second-highest in the American League.

The Twins, of course, are looking for hitting, and the Red Sox might be willing to deal veteran third baseman Bill Mueller, who is batting .277 with four homers, 36 RBI and a .379 on-base percentage.
Mueller was the 2003 AL batting champion when he hit .326 with 19 homers and 85 RBI. Those numbers fell to .283, 12 and 57 last year. He is making $2.5 million and will be a free agent after the season...

And it looks like Scott Baker will be back with us soon:

With a doubleheader at Detroit coming up Saturday, the Twins will call up righthander Scott Baker from Class AAA Rochester to pitch in one of the games. Baker on Sunday held Durham to one run on two hits over eight innings, improving to 3-6 and lowering his ERA to 3.01...

To make room for Baker, the Twins will send a position player to Rochester.

Who do you think that position player might be? BG has some theories.

Also, if you haven't seen the papers on Gardy's umpire rant, please do. Here's Reusse's column

There were numerous graphic posterior references in Gardenhire's tirade -- always a problem for a daily newspaper, particularly for one that's never been more committed to family values.

and the :

"He's an (expletive),'' Gardenhire said. "Hunter Wendelstedt's a big (expletive expletive). He can kiss my (rear)."

Looks like blogging didn't help Gardy calm down.

Rivas Sent Down

From the Strib:

Luis Rivas, who debuted with the Twins in 2000 and was their starting second baseman for three division championships, was optioned to Class AAA Rochester on Saturday to make room for infielder Michael Cuddyer, who will be activated from the 15-day disabled list today...

..."Somebody had to go down," Twins manager Ron Gardenhire said. "I'm sure Luis isn't very happy. He's been here in the big leagues for a long time."He didn't play well early in the year. He had a back injury. He hasn't gotten many at-bats."He needs to go down and play. We don't want to lose him out of this organization."

When Rivas first joined the team, the organization felt it had a long-term answer at second base.Rivas played very well defensively and showed signs of being a functional offensive player. But, for whatever reason, Rivas has regressed in recent years. He doesn't cover as much ground as he once did and doesn't get on base enough to do what he does best: steal bases.

Rivas softly said, "It's just the way everything is," as he packed and left the clubhouse.

Rivas hasn't been able to contribute in some time, and this was certainly the roster move that makes the most sense--but you know what? BG just feels bad for the guy.

Good luck, Luis.

Au Revoir, Phil Roof

As has been reported earlier, the wife of Rochester Red Wings manager Phil Roof has cancer. This week, Roof bid good-bye to baseball to take care of her.

Here's the article:

It seemed that Phil Roof should have been anywhere but standing on the mound Tuesday afternoon at Raley Field, throwing batting practice to men more than half his age. The sun over northern California was high and hot and if anyone was looking for a respite from a cloud or two, it was not to be found as temperatures pushed their way toward 100 degrees. And, despite the buckets of perspiration that had Roof drenched from head to toe, he never let up, lobbing pitch after pitch to the International League squad in preparation for Wednesday's Triple-A All-Star Game.

Most 64-year-olds wouldn't want to be in Roof's position, either on the mound or facing what he has waiting for him when he returns to Kentucky this week after the All-Star festivities have ended. Roof, a baseball lifer, will peel off his uniform for the final time after Wednesday's contest, retiring from the game that he has served so well for more than four decades.

Boone Media Round-Up

Oh, man, there hasn't been this much of a to-do around Twinsland since the Twins front office cast their eyes at Anna--I mean Kris--Benson. The Twins went out and got themselves a real live professional baseball player, welcoming him with open arms into their Happy Haven for Light Hitting Second Baseman. But this is no Bruno for Tommy Herr (spit)--obviously the risk in a trade is what you give up, and in Terry Ryan's infinite wisdom we seem to have acquired Bret Boone for a dented batting helmet and a bag of Big League Chew. It's more 'acceptable risk' than 'blockbuster deal', but we're Minnesotans--that's how we run our lives. Anyway, BG stopped doubting Ryan after she loudly complained, I can't believe we gave up Bobby Kielty!

The Strib lays out the terms:

It's a low-risk move for the Twins. Seattle has agreed to pick up the remainder of Boone's $9.2 million salary this season, around $4.6 million, The Twins will send the Mariners a low-level minor league player to be named later. The Mariners didn't have any other leads, so they took the Twins' deal rather than get nothing at all. So the Twins aren't giving up much while they hope Boone will thrive in a playoff chase and rediscover the form that led to seven consecutive seasons of at least 19 homers and 63 RBI from 1998 to 2004. Boone's 252 career homers are the sixth most ever by a second baseman.

Meanwhile, Pat Reusse reveals that Bret Boone actually invented the Boyfriend of the Day:

Boone was known in Seattle for wearing T-shirts that paid tribute to his greatness -- presumably in jest. The most notorious came in 2001, when he had a T-shirt from Nike's "Chicks dig the long ball" advertising campaign. "I wore it every day, and put a piece of tape over 'the long ball,' " Boone said. "I would write in the name of the player who I thought was the hero from the night before. The other guys waited to find out who was going to get the name on the tape.

"If no one was worthy, I would put my own name on the tape: 'Chicks dig Boone.' It was a lot of fun."

As for BG's fellow Twins bloggers, reactions are ranging from ambivalence to uncertainty. Here's a few samples:

Twins Geek: Hmm. Might work.

Question 3: Will Boone turn back into a stud? (i.e. Should I get excited about this trade?)

This is (literally) the million dollar question. You definitely should be excited, because it looks like the Twins just got something for nothing. Or at least nothing more than being attractive to an aging veteran.

But your excitement should probably be tempered a bit if you heard Terry Ryan in any of his interviews this weekend. Ryan was NOT optimistic in acquiring Boone, and claimed that he would only acquire him if Boone became a free agent. Which either means that he was playing things very close to the vest, or that he didn’t feel like Boone was likely to rejuvenate his career here. I would bet on the latter, and I would be that Ryan is probably right.

Aaron Gleeman: Ah, why the hell not?

With all of that said, trading for Boone carries very little risk as long as the PTBNL is no one significant. If all the Twins are sending to Seattle is a live Single-A arm or perhaps a Triple-A spare part -- and I have enough faith in Terry Ryan to believe that's the case until proven otherwise -- this amounts to little more than claiming a player off waivers for the second half.

Frightwig: Eh.

This smells an awful lot like Chicago picking up Roberto Alomar last year--and didn't we snicker at Kenny Williams and those miserable bastards then?

Yes.

Infield at Third Base Line: Ah, heck, I dunno...

Has he sucked because his team sucked?

Maybe. A lot of people (including the Twins front office, which ain't exactly stocked with morons), seem to think the excitement of a pennant race will bring out the best in him.

Is he a better option at second than a healthy Nick Punto?

Probably not. But second isn't Punto's only position, and we do have that glaring vacancy at third.

Is he a better option than Rivas?

Probably. Even if he hits for a Rivas-like average, he's got way more power, and that means something to this team. It means runs.

The Bleacher Bums: Oh boy.

Oh boy.

Welcome to the Twins, Mr. Boone

From MLB.com:

The Minnesota Twins announced today that they have acquired second baseman Bret Boone and cash from the Seattle Mariners in exchange for a player to be named later.

Boone, 36, was batting .231 (63-273) with 30 runs, 15 doubles, three triples, seven homers and 34 rbi in 74 games for the Mariners this season. He had a .299 on-base percentage and a .385 slugging percentage before being designated for assignment by the Mariners on July 3.

Here's a link to his career stats.

More from the Seattle Times:

Bret Boone, designated for assignment eight days ago, was traded this morning to the Minnesota Twins, according to a source at the All-Star Game in Detroit.

The move, which may bring the Seattle Mariners very little in return, if anything, was said to have been completed just hours before Seattle officials were to place the 36-year-old second baseman on irrevocable waivers that would officially have severed his ties to the Mariners and made him a free agent.

Here's the blurb from the PiPress:

Terms of the deal were not immediately known, but Seattle is thought to be paying the remaining $4.6 million on Boone's contract -- minus the pro-rated major-league minimum ($316,000) that Boone’s new club would be required to pay.

More to come. Many thanks to T-Mac for the heads up, and to the good folk at The Dickie Thon Fan Forum for the leads.

Bat This Bear Clean-Up!

The Bearfriend of the Day

T.C. Bear has won the All Star Game Mascot Home Run Derby. Congratulations, Mr. Bear. Now suit up. Your team needs you.

Naked Batting Practice, The Return

From the Strib:

What did Torii Hunter do after arguably the Twins' worst game of the year? Grab a bat and helmet -- and head for the shower.
The outfielder, with encouragement from catcher Mike Redmond, stripped down to his socks, put on the helmet, grabbed the bat and walked into the shower. It was his attempt to liven up a dead-silent clubhouse Thursday night after an 8-5 loss to Kansas City put the Twins 11 games behind the Chicago White Sox in the American League Central.
"Guys were in here acting like their dog died," Hunter said.
So he went into the shower, swinging a bat and making teammates scramble. Still lacking clothes, he then marched down to the coaches room to ask for extra batting practice.
"They said no," Hunter said. "What's wrong with that? That may be the way I do my routine. I don't know what's going on here. When you ask for flips, you should be able to get more BP. If I want to go in there naked, does it matter?

Vote Torii!

The President and Veep are in the All Star Game, but what about the Secretary of Defense? You can still vote for Torii in the Final Vote charade.

While you're at it, if you'd like to vote for President Santana for the ESPY's best MLB player, go here.

I Knew He Played a Mean Guitar, But...

A screen shot of the Strib's All Star poll:

Happy 100th Batversary, Moonlight Graham

Today is the 100th anniversary of Moonlight Graham's one game in the majors. As anyone who's seen Field of Dreams knows (and if you haven't, why the heck not?) Graham never got to bat, he retired from baseball, became a doctor in Chisholm, and turned into Burt Lancaster. According to this wonderful article, this one time Hollywood wasn't that far off.

Thanks to Jason T. for sending the article

Dougie's Down! Jose Offerman's Up!

And I don't even know what year it is anymore. Doug Mientkiewicz tore his hamstring in the on deck circle yesterday (Who does he think he is, Corey Koskie?) and is going on the DL. The Mets have called up one Jose Offerman to take his place on the roster. Story here.

Says manager Willie Randolph, "Pull a muscle in the on-deck circle, how do you do that?"

(Thanks to Torhu and The Commish for the heads-up.)

Morning Reading

It's about time. Korea has outlawed cabbage in baseball caps. Also, Batling Pander has the edge on Gardy's motivational speech techniques in his June Twin Blues (This won't work on Explorer.) And the webzine McSweeney's tells us Baseball Knowlege Will Not Help You Pick Up Girls. Clearly, this guy has never read Batgirl.

(Link stolen from Brad Zellar)

EDIT: You must read this piece from USA Today (Thanks to MK for the heads up) Father's Drug Addiction is Driving Torii Hunter Away.

YankMedia Round-Up

Now, Batgirl's not quite ready to write the obituary of the New York Yankees just yet, but if she were she'd have plenty of background material. Two very long, and extremely interesting dissections of the origins of the Yankees' current woes have appeared in the last couple of days. Both present a desperate and out of touch owner, and a frustrated and worn out organization.

In an article titled , the New York Post dissects the structural and ideological flaws in the organization.

At ESPN.com, Buster Olney publishes an epilogue to his book, The Last Night of the Yankee Dynasty, which traces the continual downfall of the team since the World Series of 2001.

Fascinating reading.

Juan Rincon Watch

I didn't do it, says Juan.

FREE TIFFEE!

Terry Tiffee, how we have missed you and your totally hot lefthanded bat off the bench. Welcome to the bigs.

Here's the story.

Bat Media Round-Up

Jim Souhan's column on the Juan Rincon situation is truly excellent. Go read it.

And, oh yeah, first hurdle cleared in the ballpark bill. The Hennepin County Commissioners passed it by a 4-3 vote--sadly, it was down gender lines. Don't these women know that chicks can like baseball, too?

In a non Bat Media note: Thanks to the generosity of a Batling, BG has tickets available to Thursday's noon game. If anyone is interested, please e-mail Batgirl.

Juan on Juan.

"I want to take this time to thank the Twins organization, the fans and the general public for all of the support they have offered me while dealing with this situation.

"Baseball is my life and I was devastated after becoming aware that I tested positive for a violation of Major League Baseball's Joint Drug Prevention and Treatment Program. The details are confidential and I have asked the Player's Association to challenge the suspension.

"What I can share with you today is that I would never knowingly compromise my position within Major League Baseball or jeopardize my relationship with the Minnesota Twins organization or the relationships that I enjoy with my teammates.

"I will make no further comments, or answer any questions, until the process plays out in its entirety. However, I will add that I look forward to returning to the field to continue pitching to the best of my ability to help the Twins organization win its fourth consecutive division title."

Oh, Dear

Juan Rincon has tested positive for drug use, and Batgirl has no sass. She hopes dearly it is an error. Here's the article.

DJ Spins the Blues

Be sure to check out Warning Track Power. Brad Zellar's got a nice story on the Twins DJ and some of the players' song choices....

Bitch Sox Columnist Bitches.

With every baseball season comes some Chicago writer writing some incredibly asinine column about the Twins. Batgirl was shocked that we made it nearly three weeks into the season without one, but finally Daily Southtown writer Paul Lawewski obliges. Batgirl tried to annotate it, she really did, but after a while it got so inane there was no point. There's no point in getting mad, though, except at an educational system which would allow someone to think something like this is a really good written argument. Tragic, really.

Aw, crap.

Justin Morneau Placed on DL.

BatMedia Round-Up

Lots of Twins stuff in ESPN Page 2's Hot/Not. Apparently the Twins are the hot bandwagon team, but, you know, we knew that.

Meanwhile, BatFavorite Brad Zellar has put his blogging stakes down at the Rake, and there is much rejoicing all across the land. Batgirl is glad to see he's taking on the hard-hitting issues:

I must say, I'm quite looking forward to the exciting, season-long sideburn war between Juan Rincon and Joe Mauer. Be careful with those razors, fellas, and may the most virile man win.

Check it out: Warning Track Power.

Meanwhile, it seems now everyone's pitying the Bitch Sox now, which is sort of sweet. Both the New York Times and the Strib wrote this week on life as one of those other Sox. Oh, the humanity!

Jayson Stark: Genius

ESPN sage Jayson Stark picks the Twins to win it all:

What they've built, says one American League scout, is a system that has turned them into "the Patriots of baseball."

Think about it.

The team is always bigger than any individual.

The payroll is always modest.

They're the best in the business defensively.

And the system works -- relentlessly plugging talent into whatever holes are vacated by the players who move on every year.

Sound familiar?

Jim Souhan, too, is full of happy tingly feelings while Patrick Reusse picks Cleveland. But don't be so hard on him. That's what he does. We have a spiel. Batgirl tells stories and has contests and the like. Patrick Reusse, well, picks Cleveland.

Michael Restovich, Free At Last.

And a Devil Ray.

(Thanks to Stacy for the heads-up.)

Strike!

No, silly, not that kind. The bowling kind! Apparently Gardy gets a lot of them; see, our Fearless Leader grabs life by the horns by hitting the lanes. All Batgirl wants to know is, does he have an embroidered shirt?

From :

Ron Gardenhire never hit .300. But he has bowled it.

And though he's not sure what his lifetime bowling average is, he knows what his lifetime batting average is: .232. The bowling average, he guesses, is probably higher.

"I can pretty much guarantee it," the Minnesota Twins' manager said. "They're not too far apart."

If Gardenhire wasn't one of the most consistent winners in baseball, he might be one of the more consistent winners on the professional bowlers tour. He surely would be one of the happier guys on the bowling tour.

"I love bowling. I've bowled all my life," he said. "I grew up in a small town, [and] I used to go bowling all the time."

Flights of Angels, Bob Casey

Legendary Twins PA announcer Bob Casey died this weekend, and the great silence is felt all over TwinsLand. Here is the story from the Strib.

Batgirl will print the comments from this entry and send them to the Casey family.

Bad Andy sent Batgirl an e-mail this morning about Casey that she found quite lovely:

He's one of the things that makes a Twins game a Twins game.

"No throwing anything or anybody onto the playing field."

"Noooooooooooooooo smoking in the Metrodome! If you must smoke, go outside or QUIT!" (or "go to Wisconsin" or "go to a casino" or one of his other great variations.)

There was the night in 2001 when the fans in left field held their own little Chuck Knoblauch Appreciation Night and he shouted, "If this continues, the Twins may have to forfeit the game. Now QUIT THIS!"

And of course, "Now batting for the Twins, number 34 the center fielder,
KIRBYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY PUCKETT!" It's easy to forget how popular Kirby was before his fall from grace, but back in the day that call of Casey's was music to any Twins fans ears.

I was looking forward to a future opening day - perhaps in 2006 - when he would be able to say, "Now, here's the starting lineup for your WORLD CHAMPION Minnesota Twins!"

Blogging the Central

Please click over to All-Baseball to see an AL Central round-up written by bloggers of various teams, including yours truly, Batgirl--and leave your comments. Batgirl, naturally, predicts the Twins will win it all, including the Stanley Cup and the Superbowl. Adorably, one blogger predicts that Cleveland will win the Central. That's so cute.

BatMedia Round-Up

Batgirl enjoyed this of a certain story Batgirl's intrepid reporter Art broke a few days ago:

Fans duck for cover as a shattered bat flies into the crowd on a single by Minnesota Twins (news) designated hitter Michael Restovich (news) in the fourth inning against the Florida Marlins (news) in Fort Myers, Fla., Monday March 14, 2005. No one was seriously injured in the incident. (AP Photo/Charles Krupa)

Meanwhile, in the comments Yankee Fan points our eye to this story from ESPN

Coming off knee surgery and caught up in baseball's steroids scandal, Barry Bonds said he may not play at all this season -- despite standing on the doorstep of the sport's most hallowed record.

The San Francisco Giants slugger also said he was physically and mentally "done," and blamed the media for at least part of his troubles.

"I'm tired of my kids crying. You wanted me to jump off a bridge, I finally did," Bonds told reporters Tuesday, shortly after returning to training camp. "You finally brought me and my family down. ... So now go pick a different person."

That's right. Barry Bonds is going to take his steroids and go home. So there.

Meanwhile, it seems the biggest story from the steroid hearings, beyond putting the fear of God (if God is an anti-trust exemption) in Selig and learning that Dennis Kucinich speaks espanol muy excellente, is the massive PR hit taken by Mark McGwire and his comically engorged head. I mean, all he did was say, "The past is a lie that memory has no return." No, wait, that's Gabriel Garcia Marquez. But anyway, his performance didn't go over very well with, you know, anyone as Newsweek reports. And SI columnist Stephen Canella opines that McGwire is a lunkhead, Jose Canseco may not be such a boob after all, and—gasp!--baseball needs new leadership.

The message of the day was that Congress doesn't trust baseball to clean up its own act, and Waxman brought the hammer down near the end of the hearing when he suggested Selig and Fehr should step down. Selig tried valiantly to portray himself as a steroids hard-liner -- he trumpeted his harsher minor-league policy and quietly accused the players' union of stonewalling his attempts to institute stricter penalties in the 2002 labor agreement. The strategy backfired. Selig, never the most authoritative figure to begin with, was made to look like a weak negotiator who was castrated in the collective bargaining process. (It might help if he made sure subpoenaed documents were free of "drafting errors" before handing them over.) In a room full of power brokers, Congress did little to hide its contempt for someone who didn't fight very hard for what he thought was right.

Can Selig and Fehr mop up the steroid fallout to Congress' liking? I doubt it, especially since the commissioner's sellout of the union Thursday isn't likely to put Fehr in a compromising mood. McGwire tried to close the book on The Steroid Era by reminding us again and again that he's retired. This story may not end until Selig and Fehr do the same.

The players are, of course, responsible for what they inject in their own butts, but Selig and Fehr are utterly complicit in the freakish swelling of every cranium in the game. Because the rewards for superstardom are so great, it was incumbant on Major League Baseball to take firm and clear measures to keep ballplayers from artificially inducing greatness. Instead, Fehr fought valiantly to protect the right of players to ingest this crap while Selig happily sat back and watched all the Pepsi commercials those same guys were starring in. As a result they both deserve to be shriveled like one of Jason Giambi's testicles.

Could It Be...Twins?

Doug and Jodi are pregnant! Doug and Jodi are pregnant! Oh, and Doug's totally fine now, about everything, and he's sorry, and everything just got blown out of proportion, and that whole Red Sox ball thing was just a big misunderstanding, and Gardy's great, and Dr. Morneau's great, and the Twins are great, and Minnesota fans are just the BEST. And Doug and Jodi are PREGNANT!

From the Strib:

"The one thing I really miss most," he had just finished saying, "is the Minnesota fans. They treated me better than the kind of player I was, and that doesn't happen too often."

Mientkiewicz doesn't want any bridges burned. The Mets hold a $3.75 million option on his contract for next year, and if they don't pick it up, he'll be looking for work.

The Twins always will be high on his list.

"Hopefully someday," he said, "when I'm 40, and they want me to back up Morneau playing defense, I can go back and do it. ... They know they've got a fan in New York.

BatMedia Round-Up

Everything sort of pales in comparison to naked batting practice (and yes, I will be talking about that all year) but here are some non-naked news of note.

First, ESPN.com's Jayson Stark thinks Johan Santana is awesome, and he's written a whole article about it. As mmmarkiep says in the comments, it's nice to read about a player who gets high on life, man.

Meanwhile, SI.com rounds up the team. They don't actually say anything we don't know, and they make too much of The Knee, but they sum up the team's success thusly:

So hard not to come away from a day with this team and not think: "No wonder they win. Good guys, serious about their jobs, very good work ethic, no turds in the clubhouse."

Batgirl prefers the word "dookie" to "turd," but whatever.

Doug Mientkiewicz is now starting for a major media market, and has the press to prove it. The NYT says that defense is underated and so is Dougie Defense. Dougie is to be a calming influence on the Mets infield, though Batgirl assumes they don't mean socially.

Finally,speaking of Dougie, last season the Fab Five shot a special show for Batgirl with Doug, Queer Eye for the Twins Guy. Emboldened by that ratings success, they've decided to take on the Red Sox. (Batgirl notes that the length of her hair has never been specified in a book contract, but she credits her agent.)

Three Words: Naked. Batting. Practice.

:

It started May 25, 2003, in Cincinnati near the end of a long and losing road trip. The Marlins had just fired their manager, had a 21-29 record and appeared headed for another nowhere season.

After a team meeting, in a somber, sleepy clubhouse the morning of an early afternoon game, Redmond headed for the indoor batting cages with his bat, wearing nothing but turf shoes, socks and batting gloves.

Twins infielder Andy Fox, a Marlins teammate then, looked up in disbelief as Redmond headed for the clubhouse door that opened into the cages.

"Are you serious?" Fox asked.

"Yeah."

And the door shut behind him.

Redmond proceeded to hit soft tosses against a screen as teammates took notice, one by one, until laughter could be heard from one end of the clubhouse to the other.

"No one could really hit after that," Fox said.

Until the game. The Marlins scored early and beat the Reds 6-2, with Redmond collecting two hits.

"And the next thing I knew, I was doing it seven or eight straight days," Redmond said.

"That's a long time to be hitting naked," Fox said.

But the Marlins kept winning, so Redmond kept the clothes off his body and his eye on the ball. They won six in a row. Then during another cold streak in August, he did it again in Pittsburgh, and the Marlins went 20-8 the rest of the season to clinch the National League wild-card playoff spot.

Let the caption contest begin.

BatMedia Round-Up

Spring is turning into a Bad Deal for the Real Deal, according to this Strib article. Seems like the Real Deal, who has been pitching like ass-crap all spring, has lost his confidence. Mostly. He's still able to give quotes like, "I worked my tail off in the offseason, getting my arm all ready to go," he said, "and I come here and can't find the arm slot. It's frustrating...Real Deal has got to be himself."

Batgirl can't understand someone referring to himself in the third person like that.

Speaking of sucking, Grant Balfour/NoBalls is continuing his annual process of irritating the @#$% out of the coaching staff. He's injured again. Kind of. I mean, he might be okay. He might not. But you never know about these things. It can be so hard to tell. So stop pressurizing him, eh mate?

Meanwhile, the Job-like trials of Doctor Morneau continues, as is seems
he has developed a cyst on his appendectomy scar. Pretty soon, the good doctor will be able to operate on himself.

In more general news, the New York Times reports that the National League is now turf free.

And the hyperbole of the day award goes to Stanley Brand, lawyer for the commissioner's office, who vows to fight the congressional subpoenas of baseball's merry band of 'roid ragers--NOT in order to avoid getting a spotlight shown on MLB's complicity in allowing these players to do permanent damage to themselves, but in order to protect this country's sacred institutions.

"The audacity, the legal audacity of subpoenaing someone who's been a grand jury witness before there's been a trial in the case in California is just an absolutely excessive and unprecedented misuse of congressional power," Brand said.

"Not even the Iran-contra committee attempted to do that, and when it did, it tainted irreparably the prosecutions that came out of that investigation. Now, if that's what Congress wants to do to advance what it says is the public interest in combating a very serious problem that baseball has confronted, then, in my judgment, they've torn loose from their legislative moorings and they're marauding in an area of the law that has very serious consequences for the judicial system."

Batgirl thinks The Real Deal could learn something from this guy.

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Batgirl rends her garments.

FORT MYERS, FLA. -- Twins catcher Joe Mauer was scratched from Monday's exhibition game against Tampa Bay because of what team officials described as mild soreness and swelling in his surgically repaired left knee.

Mauer's discomfort surfaced after only seven innings of catching over two spring training games.

The soreness and swelling flared up in the knee during drills Sunday. The Twins maintain the discomfort is not a major concern.

Mauer was limited to 35 games as a rookie last season after undergoing knee surgery in April, then experienced pain and soreness after his return that finally ended his season in mid-July.

"He's sore, that's what I've been informed," Twins General Manager Terry Ryan said. "It's not unexpected, but it's not something I wanted to hear."

Mauer will be sidelined for a couple of days before he tries any more activities, team officials said. Mauer will not have an MRI exam at this time.

Booberry and Chocula, Check!

A few entries ago, Insider told Batgirl that Joe Nathan wanted to know why he was vice president instead of president. Batgirl said to tell him to sign with the Twins again, and we could talk. Well, now, let's start talking.

From MLB.COM:

FORT MYERS, Fla. -- The Twins announced that they signed closer Joe Nathan to a two-year contract extension and setup reliever Juan Rincon to a new two-year contract on Friday. The club did not release terms of either deal. Nathan's contract extension carries a club option for the 2008 season.

As a first-year closer in 2004, the 30-year-old Nathan converted 44 of
47 save chances and was the Twins' lone representative at the All-Star
Game. He was 1-2 with a 1.62 ERA.

The 26-year-old Rincon was 11-6 with a 2.63 ERA in a team-high 77 games
last season, mainly setting up for Nathan.

You Didn't Get These Quotes from TK

Gardy clearly seems to be suffering from some kind of sunstroke down there, as evidenced by these quotes from LaVelle Three's Baseball Notebooks in the Strib:

Monday:

Rain affected the Twins workout plans for a second consecutive day, but pitchers were able to throw in the bullpen after the rain stopped. Wet fields forced the club to skip fielding drills and live batting practice.

But it allowed Twins manager Ron Gardenhire to get on a roll when talking about how he and workout coordinator Rick Stelmaszek handled Plan B.

"All we need actually is a retractable roof right now over our bullpen," he said. "If we had that, we'd be set up perfect out there. A retractable roof over the bullpen and maybe we could talk about an all-grass infield, not turf, grass infield. If we had that, we might be able to take ground balls. That's something we're thinking about."

A reporter suggested a tarp.

"That's what we're talking about," he continued. "I said that today -- put a blue tent over that thing and make it retractable and just roll it over. I don't spend the money. I know I could. I tell ya, there are things I could invent, and I'd be a millionaire. But I just like baseball. I don't want to be a millionaire. I just want to play baseball and go broke. Wait till I'm finished. You'll see me driving down the road with the first car that can actually fly -- no wheels. Glass wheels. It never needs tread. Cuts the road to pieces."

Today:

Over the years, the coaches have had to whistle at Luis Rivas to get his attention so they could signal defensive adjustments to him. The hope is that Rivas will be more attentive this season and move on his own.

When asked if he hopes he doesn't have to whistle for Rivas' attention this season, manager Ron Gardenhire revealed an interesting tidbit.

"I just hope that little guy who sits on his shoulder listens more than he did," Gardenhire said. "That was Nanu. We saw Luis talking to him all the time on the field. All the time. That's a true story. We'd look at Luis, and he'd be talking. And we just knew that Nanu was sitting there. Wasn't it Nanu?"

No. Gardenhire meant to say The Great Gazoo from the old "Flintstones" cartoon, the green alien who would appear at times to talk to Fred and Barney.

Meanwhile, in an article on mlb.com about the fortunes of Michael Ryan, Gardy proved that he likes to make his funk the P. Funk:

When a reporter asked him what Ryan's role would be this season, Twins manager Ron Gardenhire was listening to the classic George Clinton song, "Atomic Dog," play from his laptop computer.

"He needs to let the dog out in this camp," Gardenhire said. "If he's going to make this team, we need to see some dog in you.

Chairman, Sweetcheeks, Doctor Morneau...

More on the prospective ' 05 line-up from the Strib:

Here's the lineup Gardenhire has in mind: 1. Stewart, 2. Mauer, 3. Hunter, 4. Morneau, 5. Lew Ford, 6. Jacque Jones, 7. Michael Cuddyer, 8. a shortstop, 9. Luis Rivas.

"If we have all these guys in the lineup -- Morneau, Mauer, Hunter, Jones, Cuddyer, Lew Ford and Shannon -- we can have some fun," Gardenhire said.

Two things stand out about this batting order. One, Gardenhire prefers left-right balance. Two. Mauer and Hunter aren't prototypical hitters for the spots they're in.

Many guessed that Mauer would bat third and Morneau fourth, but Gardenhire wants to guard against opposing managers being able to use left-handed specialists late in games.

"The lineup sets up easy like that with some good hitters and some pretty good balance all the way through," Gardenhire said. "Any other way it looks like I'm bunching lefties up. I give the opposing manager an opportunity to bring someone in like [Chicago's] Damaso Marte and eat you up for an inning and a half. Innings are big toward the end. You don't want to give away an inning. And if you put the pressure on the other manager like they do on us to bring in one guy left-right-left out or right-left-right out, it makes a little difference. Make them make moves."

And, in the GET OVER IT department, Batgirl's intern sends this choice bit from the Chicago Tribune:

Many observers feel the Sox lost their swagger last season when Minnesota Twins outfielder Torii Hunter bowled over catcher Jamie Burke at home plate in a crucial series and the Sox failed to respond.

"In the Torii Hunter situation, if someone comes and does something like that, it can actually pump your team up," said Burke, who again is fighting for a roster spot. "We kind of went into a slide after that and they went on a roll. Maybe we should show guys after something like that that we are not backing down and come right at 'em.

"Being tougher means not backing down from anyone, to go out after things as hard as you can. When you need to break up a double play or something, go in there and do your job. It's not going out there and trying to cause fights."

...The White Sox acquired catcher A. J. Pierzynski at least in part to accentuate the toughness factor.

"I just think [Guillen] wants us to do the little things better and he wants us to play the game right," said Pierzynski, the former Giant and Twin. "We should take pride in what we do and play as hard as we can. … Be accountable and stand up and defend each other in this room. The winning from there takes over."

Sox catchers are expected to reflect the overall attitude of the team.

Batgirl thinks that instead of focusing so much energy on that one moment, the Bitch Sox should instead try to figure out why they're blaming their whole collapse on one single damned play. As Dr. Phil says, maybe, instead, they should look in the mirror.

How Hot Is This?

From the Strib:

Kicking around potential lineups on Saturday, manager Ron Gardenhire said he might go with Shannon Stewart, Mauer, Torii Hunter, Morneau, Lew Ford, Jacque Jones, Michael Cuddyer, the shortstop (perhaps switch-hitter Nick Punto) and Luis Rivas.

No Moss

Batgirl was very intrigued by this Jim Souhan column in the Strib, in which Souhan discusses what the fate of a player like Randy Moss might be in the Twins clubhouse. According to Torii Hunter, he and one Mr. Jones would take care of that kind of 'tude very quickly.

"A lot of big-name guys, they go to another organization, then they find guys who are problems like that, so they put up a wall and act the same way," Hunter said. "We don't let that happen here. We keep talking to you until you start smiling and having fun. And if you don't, then we might have to fight.

"If you think you're bigger than the team, then you shouldn't be here. And they [the Twins] see that, and get rid of guys like that."

Careful drafting, minor league grooming and clubhouse vigilance -- not to mention payroll restrictions that prevent the pursuit of players like Sosa -- usually keeps problem players from the Twins' clubhouse.

Batgirl has every faith that this is true, but the Twins have always been very successful keeping jerks out of the clubhouse--they just can't afford it. And Batgirl wonders if the problems some of the former Twins have been having out in the world are due to this lack of mitigating influences. At least the Bitch Sox should be able to keep A.J. in check.

BatMedia Round-Up

SI's John Donovan picks the Twins to Four Peat this year, thanks to the big signing of one Mr. Johan Santana:

In the American League Central, payrolls are prim and proper and owners are skinflint-types reminiscent of the good old days. That's where the Twins are the champions, tops among the tightwads, first-class frugals.

...The sudden largesse is probably needed for the Twins to stay atop the division. The Indians are in the fourth year of a five-year rebuilding program and just missed the .500 mark last season after an exciting summer. The White Sox revamped a team that won 83 games in '04. They could challenge again. The Tigers are comers and they, too, broke open the checkbook, most notably with a $75 million deal to get former White Sox outfielder Magglio Ordonez. Only the struggling Royals seem out of chances in this division.

Meanwhile, AP sings the praises of our own LeRoy. Despite the fact that there's no actual position for him on the team, he's not going anywhere.

He began last spring as the full-time designated hitter, but a pulled muscle on the right side of his rib cage suffered in the first week of the season kept him out for a month. That opened the door at DH for Lew Ford - or Shannon Stewart if Ford was filling in for him in left field. Veteran Jose Offerman also got 33 starts at designated hitter.

Now LeCroy will find himself giving Justin Morneau breaks at first, Ford at DH and perhaps Mauer - on occasion - at catcher. He knows his role is in relief, and as a leader.

"I think he's done very well for himself," Gardenhire said. "On the bench, you started seeing it. He was getting himself ready and other guys ready. I kind of look at it like that now. Guys look up to him. That's pretty neat. It's not every day you have guys looking up to you."

BatMedia Round-Up

Oh, the papers are so filled with good quotes and delightful tidbits, it's hard for Batgirl to contain herself. Like this:

The coaching staff was all over designated hitter Matthew LeCroy on Tuesday.

During batting practice, LeCroy popped up a pitch, causing bench coach Steve Liddle to quip, "It's really hard for Matty to concentrate with that concession stand so close."

Then, when a reporter jokingly suggested that LeCroy bat leadoff, Gardenhire said: "It takes three singles and a homer to score him. If he scores from first in the first inning, he's done. I have to take him out."

Poor LeRoy, if people aren't careful, they're going to give him a complex.
And then, there's the shocking revelation that Little Nicky Punto has somehow injured himself:

Nick Punto has a back strain, creating doubts that he will be ready to battle for the starting shortstop's job when position players begin official workouts on Saturday.

Punto told club officials he felt something while swinging a bat Monday during a voluntary workout on a back field at the Lee County Sports Complex.

...Now his back strain is causing concern about his durability at such a demanding position.

"That's going to be the issue, if he can stay healthy long enough to play," Gardenhire said. "He plays hard. Unfortunately for us, he's gotten hurt the last year. Now he's starting off in spring with a little tweak. Hopefully we can get him back on the field. We'll have answers sooner than later."

Honestly. It must be hard enough to go through that without Gardy calling him a "little tweak."

Meanwhile, just as the two major newspapers run stories about how our pitching staff is, like totally set, every single member of the bullpen injures himself...:

Relievers Jesse Crain and Terry Mulholland have joined other ailing players in camp.

Crain strained his right hamstring Tuesday during a fielding drill and is considered day to day.

"He made a kind of an unusual reach for the ball and when he did, he tweaked his hammy," Twins manager Ron Gardenhire said.

Mulholland, slowed by bronchitis, didn't work out Tuesday but is expected to be out a couple of days.

If you're keeping track, that makes three projected relievers who are sputtering out of the gate at camp. The third is Grant Balfour, who has a sore right forearm.

other than that, though, Terence John Mulholland in the twilight of his life

Terry Mulholland may be the oldest player in camp, but his pitching elbow doesn't look the part.

"I can feel a difference,'' said Mulholland, the left-hander who pitched last season with occasional discomfort in the elbow before having the joint surgically "cleaned out'' in November. "It moves normal now. No Rice Krispies or clicks or anything like that in there. And my extension is pretty much normal.''

"Lad, It's 'My Knee Feels Great, Eh?'"

From the Strib:

Catcher Joe Mauer was being interviewed on Wednesday when former Twin Corey Koskie walked over to listen to his answers.

"I've been working with him on improving his interviewing," said Koskie, who signed with Toronto during the offseason. "I'm trying to get him off the Doug Mientkiewicz program."

Then, Koskie turned to Mauer and said: "And the next time you get a game ball, give it back."

That referred to Mientkiewicz keeping the ball used for the final out of last year's World Series, angering Red Sox officials and fans.

Koskie has a home in Fort Myers and worked out at the Twins' complex before heading to Dunedin, Fla., to report to Blue Jays camp. Former Twins A.J. Pierzynski, Dustan Mohr and Brian Buchanan also worked out at the Lee County Sports Complex during the week.

No, we never get tired of making really dumb Canada jokes. Also, check out this Cool Strib Multimedia Thingy where Jim Souhan interviews LaVelle E. Neal, who is fresh off the plane to Ft. Meyers. Neal believes this will be the best Twins line-up in years and is very optimistic about the entire starting ro' as well, because "Lohse can't possibly have a worse year than he did last year."

And, in other Canadian news, playing the role of Job this offseason was one Justin Morneau:

Manager Ron Gardenhire said that since last season ended, Morneau had appendicitis, chicken pox and a lung infection that led to pneumonia.

"He's been sicker than a dog all winter long," Gardenhire said. "He's got to be behind. There's no doubt in my mind."

The club wanted to fly Morneau into camp over the weekend, but he was too sick to travel. Not good for someone expected to start at first base and hit at least 30 homers.

"He's had a heck of a winter," Gardenhire said. "We have to see how he is."

History suggests that Morneau should consider freezing himself in November and thawing out in February. A viral infection during the 2002 offseason caused him to lose 20 pounds. He then suffered a broken toe just before camp in 2003, causing Gardenhire to nickname him "Mour-toe."

It seems the good Doctor could use a good doctor.

(Thank you! I'll be here all week!)

Vote for Chairman

In ESPN: The Magazine's baseball notebook section, Peter Gammons lists "the five biggest ifs this spring," and number one is Mr. Mauer.

"If Joe Mauer comes back to catch 140 games, he'll be the single most important addition to any team," says one AL GM. "He may be the best catcher in the game." The 21-year-old Mauer caught only 32 games for the Twins because of knee problems. There's been speculation he might not be able to catch again. "That's not what we, he or the doctors believe," says GM Terry Ryan. In his 107 ABs, Mauer had a .939 OPS and batted .308. Give Mauer and 1B Justin Morneau 1,200 plate appearances instead of 434, and the pitching-rich Twins may have the firepower to get to the Series.

(Thanks to the Commish for typing this out.)

Spring Training Comes Every Time This Year

Oh, my sweet darlings. Finally. Finally. Spring is here. Pitchers and catchers report (Are there four more glorious words in the language) Sunday, and the dark times will be past. Batgirl can barely contain herself. And the local media are actually running Twins stories! Yes, it's true. Like this preview, from the Strib

Gardenhire's take on Mays' pitching program, deemed to be a bit too accelerated by Twins coaches: "I know he's champing at the bit. I told him if he goes down there before we start this thing, and he gets hit with a ball throwing batting practice to hitters, that [pitching coach Rick Anderson] and I will take him into this office, put him over this desk and beat the snot out of him."

Or also check out the Strib for this Q&A with Gardy himself, who discourses on the state of various Joes, the great sucking sound in his infield, and the emotional tyranny of numbering your starters. Or handy guides to the Spring Training schedule (first game, March 3 against your World Series champion Boston Red Sox), the starting ro', offseason moves, and something rather obscurely called "Spring Questions," which are not actually questions to be asked of Spring, but rather, questions to be answered in Spring Training.

Or you can check on the PiPress for...well, nothing yet. Maybe they'll post something tomorrow. That'd be nice.

{EDIT} Chastened by Batgirl, the PiPress is up with a story.....

But There's a Waterfall!

el diablo sends article from Yahoo! about the Kansas City stadium kerfuffle. It seems intrepid Kansas Cityopolitans wanted a new stadium in downtown KC, but ownership said no even though the people of KC were more than happy to pay for the darned thing. Or as the article says:

Now, we take a look at Kansas City's attempt for a downtown stadium.

1. Sports owner says he's perfectly content in his current stadium.

2. Citizens scream and kick and shout, "You will have a stadium downtown, like it or not," and "You will take this money when we raise it, buster."

3. Owner plainly says he's satisfied where he is and he absolutely will not move team.

4. City angrily gives in and does not build new stadium.

What can you say? I cannot think of a single situation where a city wanted to build a new stadium and the sports owner did not. Not one.

But hey, you have to admire Kansas City for originality.

Batgirl would like to hear from some of her readers Down Under (down under Iowa that is...) on this issue. The author's thesis is that Kauffman Stadium is simply too nice; that if they wanted a new ballpark, the good people of KC should have built a real shithole, like the Dome.

Batgirl has a solution though: why don't they raise the money and build us a new park? That way, everyone wins.

Also, He Has a Sweet Bike

Batgirl's Valentine Eric Neel shouts out to Dougie Baseball as, duh, The Best Defensive First Baseman. Maybe now that he's playing for one of those fancy east coast teams, he'll get one of them pretty Gold Gloves all the kids want these days.

On Aug. 16, 2004, first baseman Doug Mientkiewicz started a game for the Red Sox against Toronto. He played seven innings in the field, had four total chances, made two putouts, registered two assists and participated in one double play.

Oh, by the way, he was playing second base at the time.

The man has skills.

Girls like boyfriends with skills.

Best. Valentine. Ever

This just in. Details as they come. From KFAN:

The FAN has learned the Twins and Johan Santana have agreed to a four-year deal. Terms of the contract are unknown at this time. The deal was confirmed by Santana's agent's office. Santana's representative is Peter Greenberg out of New York. Santana and the Twins were set for an arbitration hearing tomorrow.

Thanks to Sdave for the heads up!

EDIT: Here are some details from the Strib:

The truth is Santana is on the verge of signing the richest contract in team history: four years for about $40 million. And his $13.25 million salary in 2008 would be the highest single-season salary in team history. The deal could be finalized as soon as today.

The deal is contingent on Santana passing a physical.

Santana, 25, will receive around $5.5 million this season, $9 million in 2006, $12 million in 2007 and then $13.25 million in 2008. Officials on both sides are reluctant to reveal exact details until Santana passes his physical.

"I'm happy that we've finally got something done," Santana said in Fort Myers, where he is having a home built. "We worked hard on it, and it works out for everybody. I'll be a Twin for four more years."

Be Mine

Jim Souhan send a big valentine to Terry Ryan in Sunday's Strib:

Can the Twins continue to win this way? "If we do what we're supposed to do, I don't see why it can't work," Ryan said. "If we stay relatively healthy and do our work in the draft and international scouting and make some decent trades when the need or occasion arises, we should be able to sustain."

Look around town, and you see what overspending costs.

The Wolves are imploding because they put their faith in unreliable free agents. The Vikings made their most unreliable player their highest-paid player, and now they might trade him. The Wild play (or not) in a league that overspent its way to ruin.

Look around baseball and you see GMs abusing their checkbooks and overpaid stars abusing steroids.

The Twins? From a spartan office decorated with the names of players he can't afford, Ryan keeps finding Nathans and Silvas at the bottom of his big board, giving fans reason to believe.

Souhan's got a point. After El Presidente and Sweetcheeks, TR might just be the most popular guy associated with the Twins. Batgirl has no idea how long he's under contract for, but she hopes it's a very very very long time. Unless of course he's interested in a career change...TR for Senate, '08?

Lohse Finally Wins One!

From the :

Pitcher Kyle Lohse defeated the Twins Friday in baseball's first arbitration hearing of the year.

Lohse, eligible for arbitration for the first time in his career, will make $2.4 million this year after earning $395,000 in 2004. The Twins had offered the right-hander $2.15 million, but arbitrators Christine Knowlton, Robert Bailey and Elliott Shriftman decided in favor of Lohse, 26, one day after a hearing in Tampa, Fla.

"It feels good," said Lohse, 9-13 with a 5.34 earned-run average in 34 starts last season. "You feel justified about going in with the number that we did."

Jason Giambi is Totally Sorry

For lots of things. He's sorry for the distractions. For everything he put his team through. And his family. And the fans, oh yes, he's sorry for the fans. The steriods though? Not so much.

From the :

Jason Giambi apologized to the New York Yankees. He apologized to his teammates. He apologized to fans. He never said why he was apologizing. And not only did he never say whether he used steroids, he never even mentioned the word.

Giambi came to Yankee Stadium to make his first public comments since it was reported in December that he'd told a federal grand jury in 2003 that he took steroids for at least three seasons.

"When I went into that grand jury, I told the truth," he said.

But that's about as far as he went, despite a lot of prodding.

"I know the fans might want more, but at this present time because of all the legal matters, I can't get into specifics," he said. "Someday, hopefully, I will be able to."

If you ask Batgirl, she thinks he should apologize for using "hopefully" in such a matter. What kind of an example is he setting for America's youth?

Peter Gammons Shouts Out

BG's home PG lays out the Central:

The Twins already have what the industry considers the best organization in baseball, and despite losing three-quarters of the infield that started the 2004 season, they may be better than the team that won 92 games last year. The Indians have rebuilt their system and vision to the point where they got to within a game of being .500 last season, and this year could well jump into serious contention. Only the Royals, who must build with their young pitchers, will report to spring training next week knowing that the playoffs are more than just a shot away.

...The Twins easily won the division in 2004 because of their pitching, which had Cy Young-winner Johan Santana. They led the league in ERA. Their starters' 4.08 ERA was 0.69 better than anyone else in the division, and the bullpen, anchored by All-Star Joe Nathan, was 32-24 with a 3.93 ERA that was 0.38 better than any divisional rival. If, at age 26, Kyle Lohse figures out how good his stuff is and reduces his 5.34 ERA and Joe Mays comes back from arm surgery – and all early indications are good – the staff will be deeper. It's possible that J.D. Durbin, he of the golden arm, will be given every opportunity to make the bullpen and learn the ways of the big leagues in that role before his time comes to start.

Even though they lost so much of their infield, Twins general manager Terry Ryan is convinced the offense will be better if Mauer – who one AL GM says is the best catcher in the league – is recovered from knee surgery. "We have every indication that he will be fine and able to catch regularly," Ryan said. Morneau and Mauer give them two big bats in the middle of the lineup, and if Jason Kubel hadn't torn up his knee in the Arizona Fall League, there might be three kids in the heart of the order. Michael Cuddyer finally will get his full-time shot at his natural position, third base. Nick Punto, Jason Bartlett and Juan Castro will compete at shortstop.

Jackal, Check!

More details on the Jackal deal from the Strib:

Twins righthander Carlos Silva has agreed to a two-year, 5.05 million contract, avoiding arbitration,

Silva was 14-8 with a 4.21 ERA last season. He will be paid $1.75 this season and $3.2 million in 2006. He can earn up to $100,000 in bonuses for pitching up to 210 innings.

The deal includes a club option for 2007 that could be worth between $4 million and $5.75 million, depending on how many innings he pitches over the two previous years. It becomes a mutual option if he is traded, pitches 205 innings in 2006 or 410 over the two years. There is a $100,000 buyout.

"Silva was rewarded for a successful first season as a starter," Twins General Manager Terry Ryan said. "He's 25, he's strong and he has upside. He should be more comfortable.

I'm the Arbitor, I Know the Score

From the Strib:

The Twins, unable to sign three pitchers, might have to spend the next week in Tampa, Fla., for arbitration hearings. The most notable of the trio is lefthander Johan Santana.

...Santana's arbitration hearing is scheduled for Feb. 15, one of three hearings the Twins have scheduled over the next week. Twins General Manager Terry Ryan, without getting specific about how far apart the sides are, said a deal could be worked out to avoid arbitration.

"We're trying to get something done," Ryan said. "I don't want you to think that D-day is coming. This is the stuff you go through to get something finalized."

Well, Duh

ESPN.com's Hot Stove Heaters continues, with Torii Sweetcheeks Hunter as Best Wallbanger.

The box office success of Spiderman and Spiderman 2 undoubtedly has the producers thinking about yet another sequel. Should Tobey Maguire be unavailable for the third installment in the franchise, they could do a lot worse than cast Torii Hunter in the lead role.

Hunter, after all, could do his own stunts. He could leap walls and scale fences. He could display startling athleticism and do things few others could.

In other words, he could do all the things that he already does as the center fielder for the Minnesota Twins.

I Prefer to Think of it as Batgirl Territory

The Twins are rolling out their new ad campaign; this is Twins Territory. Twins execs are hoping this will put people in the seats....What do you think?

From the Strib:

As TwinsFest, the team's Hot Stove carnival, begins tonight at the Dome, get ready to hear a lot about "Twins Territory."

It's an advertising agency created designation for a longstanding marketing region -- from Aberdeen to Zumbrota, from Bismarck to Burnsville -- in which the Twins have sold themselves and had their games broadcast since 1961.

But, recently, it's been a region that -- while regularly watching Twins games on television -- has shunned buying tickets to attend Twins games.

Twins surveys and anecdotal evidence reveals many reasons.

Busy families claim they don't have the time to carve out a summer's night for a game. Many customers abhor the Dome and on lovely days stay away.

There is a perceived hassle of downtown Minneapolis parking, even as light rail has arrived at the Dome's front door. Years of team management trashing the Dome -- while unsuccessfully lobbying for a new ballpark -- have come back to bite the team's ticket-selling efforts.

So now, "Our goal is to take people from being passive fans to be more active fans," said Charlie Callahan, vice president and creative director at Periscope, which was hired last fall to crank up the Twins' image-making volume.

The Twins Are Out There

Ah, Twins Fest is growing near, and the Twins are gathering, gathering, coming closer and closer to Batgirl. The air at the Batquarters crackles with excitment, and the Batkitties have major static issues. Reports come in of Twins sightings from hither and thither--yes, yes! They are in Minnesota, now, the wagons are circling now, bringing our boys home.

Carlos Silva, for instance, has been recently seen in Albert Lea getting his español on with some immigrant and exchange students in Albert Lea.

Minutes later, the Twins bus pulled up in front of the school. Out stepped Silva, accompanied by Twins catcher Joe Mauer, former Twins outfielder Tony Oliva and TC, the team's mascot. Wearing his No. 52 jersey over his street clothes, Silva greeted the students, then stood back as Oliva, the old pro, delivered a speech in Spanish.

When Oliva finished, he repeated the message in English for the benefit of Kyung-a Lim, 15, a foreign exchange student from South Korea.

"Here in America, if you don't have a high school diploma, it's very hard for you to get a job," Oliva said. "You finish high school, you'll feel a lot better. Nobody can take it away from you. Learn something. This is a good opportunity for you."

When Oliva finished, he introduced Silva, who was greeted with applause.

"Not everybody gets the opportunity to study in the United States," Silva told the students. "Take advantage of those opportunities. If you let them go, it's going to be harder."

Then the players fielded questions. Mauer, who grew up in St. Paul, confessed to being better at math than Spanish, "but I learn a lot from Carlos and Johan," he said.

"Don't worry about it," Oliva chuckled. "Two years from now you're going to be perfect."

New father Matthew LeCory (Can't type his name right, might as well go with it.) has been recently seen charming the audience in Fergus Falls at a Twins Caravan stop with poopy diaper stories:

LeCroy told the crowd at Tuesday's Winter Caravan stop in Fergus Falls that he's learned to change diapers -- "even the nasty ones" -- and he's got a special trick for dealing with them. "They have this invention called wipes," he deadpanned, "and I'll use a whole box of 'em if I have to."

He'll get to repeat the fun -- times two -- next fall, as the LeCroys are scheduled to adopt a second child in October. But by that time, he'll be an old pro at the daddy thing.

"It's funny, because now I'm real comfortable with raising a child, but early on I had no idea what I was doing," LeCroy said. "Now that I do, it's a lot easier. It's just fun now to see them smile, and they're so innocent -- I love it."

I have heard from my Batsources that the caravan stops have been just mob scenes, though Batgirl can only assume most people were there to check on the status of Joe Mauer's knee. Can anyone report in? Was there actual walking? What about bending, did anyone see any bending?

BlogBall

Well, Batgirl was entirely remiss yesterday in not posting that the Twins signed one CJ Nitkowski, late of the Braves and the Yanks, to a minor league deal. The signing is interesting for a number of reasons, as beloved, if misguided, Batling Shoeless Joe writes in the comments:

Shoeless Joe came to Bat-Girl for witty and informative insight into the Twins' signing of lefty reliever CJ Nitkowski (of the Sheboygan Nitkowski, I believe, not the Appleton Nitkowskis). And there is nothing, nothing!

You should be concerned about this signing. Not you as a Twins fan. You as a blogger. Nitkowski has his own Web site - www.cjbaseball.com - and post content from time to time.

Please note - Mr. Nitkowski's web site is superior to Bat-Girl in at least one respect. It offers fans the existential choice of "Baseball" or "Christianity."

Forgive me Jesus, but I love baseball.

In other hard-to-spell news, the saga of Doug Mientkiewicz continues. Dougie Baseball, meet Mr. Met.

AND, speaking of Mets, Al Leiter has designed this adorable teddy bear to raise funds for Save the Children's Tsunami relief. Should no one buy it, the Mets plan to pay the stuffed bear $17 million to play the outfield next year.

That's Mister Brad Rad, To You

Mad props to Brad Rad in ESPN's Hot Stove Heaters series; he's Baseball's Best Control Pitcher. Man, two Twins players are recognized as the "best of?" They better be careful, soon we'll start expecting to be taken seriously.

Nike + Torii = luvvvvvvvvvvvvv

Who was that masked man?

Why, it's Torii Hunter as Venus Flytrap in the phat new Nike ads! That's mad props for our own little Sweetcheeks.

Watch it here.

Phil Rogers + Torii Hunter= luvvvv

Batgirl was remiss in not posting this ESPN.com story earlier, in which Phil Rogers calls Torii the most exciting baserunner in the game. Indeed, Torii seemed to have developed some rather preternatural instincts in the second half of last year--a far cry from the beginning of '03 when he'd forget to tag up all the time.

But, more importantly, what on earth is Phil Rogers doing? The Bitch Sox columnist has shown no love for the Twins in the past, yet this is the second article he's written for ESPN praising our boys of summer. What's going on here?

Adorkable

Wonder Woman draws Batgirl's attention to this article from MLB.com about some Twins Caravan follies. Lew Ford and Grant Balfour go ice fishing!

And here's a picture that Team Batgirl didn't even make up:

This is cooler than Doom 3!

It is amazing how far a little Lew Ford goes in brightening Batgirl's day.

Let's Arbitrate!

So, we'll be going to arbitration with 3/5 of our starting pitching. Batgirl thinks we should give the Jackal half a mil, Johan whatever he wants, and Lohse $6.75 an hour.

Can't We Just Bring Back Cordel?

BatRumor has it that the Twins have signed third baseman Eric Munson, though Batgirl's not entirely sure how much someone who was released by the Tigers can help the Twinkies. Let's hope Justin Morneau's got a nice big glove.

Please don't hit it to me, please don't hit to me, please don't...Damn.

Well, That's Hard to Spin

This anonymously-sourced story, about Batgirl's erstwhile boyfriend, appeared in the San Francisco Chronicle today.

One of those now-it-can-be-told stories the White Sox, A.J. Pierzynski's new employer, surely haven't heard: During a Giants exhibition game last spring, Pierzynski took a shot to his, shall we say, private parts. Trainer Stan Conte rushed to the scene, placed his hands on Pierzynski's shoulders in a reassuring way, and asked how it felt. "Like this," said Pierzynski, viciously delivering a knee to Conte's groin. It was a real test of professionalism for the enraged Conte, who vowed to ignore Pierzynski for the rest of the season until Conte realized how that would look. The incident went unreported because all of the beat writers happened to be doing in-game interviews in the clubhouse, but it was corroborated by a half-dozen eyewitnesses who could hardly believe their eyes. Said one source, as reliable as they come: "There is absolutely no doubt that it happened."

No doubt he was framed. The truth is out there.

Baseball Gets "Tough" on Steroids

As tough as a Mike Trombley fastball. Congratulations, guys!

From ESPN:

"I've been saying for some time that my goal for this industry is zero tolerance regarding steroids," commissioner Bud Selig said.

A first positive test would result in a penalty of 10 days, a second positive test in a 30-day ban, a third positive in a 60-day penalty, and a fourth positive test in a one-year ban -- all without pay. A player who tests positive a fifth time would be subject to discipline determined by the commissioner.

Lowball

Twins to El Presidente: We're going to offer you one meeeelllion dollars!!!!

From the :

The Twins have made their first offer to pitcher Johan Santana: $19.5 million for three years. Industry sources say it could take as much as $48 million over four years to sign the Cy Young Award winner to a multiyear deal.

The first year of the Twins' offer is for $4.5 million, significantly less than the left-hander could win in salary arbitration. While the Twins want to sign Santana, 25, to a three-year deal, Santana is seeking a two-year or four-year contract.

The Twins are expected to make a four-year offer as early as today.

Dougie's Baseball

Most of you caught wind of this before Batgirl (who made the mistake of being away from her computer for several hours, one which she'll never, ever, ever repeat).

From the Globe:

Doug Mientkiewicz has the ball. The Red Sox want it back. Stay tuned.

Certainly you know which ball we're talking about. By now you've seen the video a couple million times.

Edgar Renteria hits a hard hopper bound for center field. Keith Foulke raises his arms, snags the ball, then trots toward first base -- just to be safe. After seven or eight steps, Foulke underhands the ball to Mientkiewicz and the Red Sox win the World Series for the first time since 1918. It is the Boston sports equivalent of Neil Armstrong's walk on the moon. Small steps for Foulke. A giant leap for Red Sox Nation.

After the historic moment, there is a huge pile of happiness and hair on the Busch Stadium infield. Then there is a champagne-drenched celebration, a joyous plane ride home, a parade with a couple million people, and a World Series trophy tour that covers more ground than the combined campaigns of Kerry and Bush. Soxapalooza.

But no one ever asks about the ball. What happened to the baseball that ended 86 years of Red Sox frustration?

"I've got it," Mientkiewicz said from his Miami home Wednesday. "It's in a safety-deposit box with my Olympic gold medal [Sydney, 2000]. We had it authenticated by Major League Baseball the day after the World Series so no one can claim they have it. That's my retirement fund. A guy offered me 500 bucks for it, but I think it's worth more than that."

Batgirl's e-mail seemed to be running 8-1 against Dougie here, though Batgirl's not sure anyone's really entitled to that ball any more than the guy who catches it. If a fan catches a ball someone wants, some nice usher goes out and offers them signed bats and balls and jock straps and other such incentives. Boston doesn't need to go to the media; just pay Dougie for the ball so he can send his kids to Florida State, give Batgirl her cut, and we can all go back to hating the Yankees.

Oh, and Doug, honey, Batgirl loves you, she does. She adores you and your sticky helmet. But sometimes love is hard, and sometimes silence is golden.

ESPN.com Round-Up: Dutch Love, Fixing the HOF, and a Batgirl Snub!

Well, some people may not think Bert is Hall-worthy, but ESPN's Jim Caple, the sage who once dubbed the Twins "America's Team," sure does.:

Koufax or Blyleven? The question might seem strictly hypothetical, along the lines of "What if Oprah could fly?" But really, it gets to the heart of what makes a Hall of Fame career. Koufax's brief span of greatness was enough to get him into Cooperstown, but wasn't Blyleven's longevity also a type of greatness? Doesn't being that good for that long make you great? Or do you just become really, really good?

I don't know the answer. But I do know that the very fact that this is a difficult question is a big reason why I cast my Hall of Fame vote for Blyleven this week.

And what IF Oprah could fly?

(Thanks to Wonder Woman for the heads-up!)

In more ESPN linkage, the Sports Guy says the HOF is broken, and he's got a plan to fix it: tiers:

Here's the premise: In an ideal world, the Hall of Fame should be a place where someone could stroll in, spend weeks walking around, absorb everything about the game ... by the time they departed, they would know everything there is to know about professional baseball. Well, the way the place is presently constructed, all the Hall of Famers are sort of lumped together. It's like having a Hall of Fame for models and putting Cindy Crawford's plaque next to the girl who modeled as the "Before" picture in the original "Weight Watchers" ad.

So why couldn't we transform it into a five-level pyramid -- seriously, an actual pyramid, like a replica of the Luxor casino in Las Vegas -- where elected players are assigned to different levels.

Meanwhile, as YankeeFan points out in the comments, Page 2 makes a gross error in judgment by pronouncing some other blog as the hot must-read blog. (This other blog Curbed, is actually run by a FOBs, and Batgirl has incriminating photos.) Nor do they call Batgirl "America's Sweetheart." First the HOF snub, now this? What is the world coming to?

Oh, Really?

Gentle Readers,

Please go read this article from the Chicago Tribune, in which the writer postulates that if Kirby Puckett made the Hall of Fame, so should Albert Belle. Then come back here and tell Batgirl what you think.

Love,
Batgirl

Gardy Hired

through 2007.

Batgirl will meet any nay-sayers with numchucks at dawn. But I warn you, Batgirl's got numchuck skills.

Great Moments in Baseball History

The California, I mean Anaheim Angels, have been renamed once again. They are now the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, or LAAA. Batgirl wonders, could the name possibly be stupider? If so, how?

Paging Dr. Swing...

Somehow, we won the Central Division last year without actually being able to make contact with the ball EVER (with the exception of Chairman Mauer the three games he actually played, Dr. Morneau when he brought his boomie boomie stick to the games, and Cordel Koskos once he went medieval on a wooden seating apparatus). Batgirl likes to attribute our remarkable success to faith, hard work, and the presidential stylings of Johan Santana. Oh, and the fact that the Bitch Sox just blew. But anyway, it seems that the organization wants to see what it might be like if our guys learned to hit and has decided to call in some guys who know a thing or two about that.

From the :

Look for the Twins to temporarily unretire the No. 29 jersey of hall of famer Rod Carew this spring.

That's because Carew has accepted an invitation from general manager Terry Ryan and manager Ron Gardenhire to return to the field in uniform as a member of the club's instructional staff for a week during spring training in Fort Myers, Fla.

• Hall of famer Paul Molitor also has been invited to participate in on-field spring training, but the Twins still haven't heard whether the St. Paul native will accept.

Just as long as Carew remembers who taught him all his tricks...

What I Meant To Say Was...

Well, according to CBS Sports line, Jacque Jones will be a Twin in 2005. They are reporting it's a one year, $5 mil deal. Thanks to the good folk at the DTFC Minnesota Twins Fan Forum, Batgirl's first choice for up-to-the-minute-Twins-news, for the scoop.

Also receiving one year deals, according to the Strib, were LeCroy and Rivas (meaning Batgirl has another year of typing "LeCory" and then having to change it) and offers have been made to Silva, Romero, Lohse, and El Presidente.

Another Day, Another Destiny

And another day to keep pressing reload on ESPN.com. By the end of the day, we'll know whether or not we have any baseball players left besides utility infielders. From the Strib:

Having endured a Dec. 7 deadline requiring an offer of arbitration to free agents, Ryan now faces a second arbitration-related deadline. This time he is required to tender contracts by Monday at 11 p.m. to the team's seven arbitration-eligible players.

Those players -- Santana, Lohse, Jones, Rivas, Romero, Carlos Silva and Matthew LeCroy -- would become free agents if not offered arbitration.

Already down two position starters -- Cristian Guzman and Koskie departed via free agency -- from last season, the Twins could find their roster further depleted from the fallout accompanying Monday's decisions. Although the Twins can continue to negotiate with their players who are not tendered contracts, the reality is they will be difficult to sign on the free-agent market with the Twins' limited payroll.

Ryan said his goal is to have "the framework of an agreement" with each arbitration-eligible player. And if he hasn't reached that framework by late Monday?

"Then you've got a decision to make," Ryan said.

Jim Souhan's got a nice column on Torii "Last Man Standing" Hunter's reactions to the dismantling of the team that we all "got to know" and his future as a highly paid babysitter, plus he demonstrates his mastery of inflation:

"I think we still have young talent, but we don't have the talent to win a World Series," he said. "I think we can probably win the division. I'm not happy with that. I'm tired of losing in the first round. The only reason we lose in the first round is we don't have heart, we don't have players. Well, the way I'll put it is we don't have 'Ballers.' "

Meaning players combining heart and talent?

"Exactly," he said. "We're losing them instead of gaining them. If all of us could have stayed together, we would have eventually won that World Series. That's the business of baseball, and everybody hates that. We win in the season, and we lose in the offseason."...

...Pohlad and the math say Ryan can't keep everyone.

"I understand, but you've got to change with the times," Hunter said. "We should be going out and adding quality free agents, instead of losing good players. I know it's expensive, but, you know, movies used to cost a dime, and now they're like 12 bucks. You've got to change with the times."

A Christmas Miracle?

Not since Tiny Tim has there been a more heartwarming holiday story of triumph over adversity. Geriatric southpaw Terence John Mulholland has lived to pitch another year.

From the Strib:

The Minnesota Twins and 41-year-old lefty Terry Mulholland agreed to terms Thursday on a minor league contract with an invite to spring training.

Mulholland went 5-9 with a 5.18 ERA in 39 appearances for Minnesota last season, stabilizing the fifth spot in the rotation after several young candidates struggled. He went 4-5 with a 4.95 ERA in 15 starts, throwing six innings or more in eight of those outings.

Carl Pohlad, Big Cheapo

From the Strib:

It was believed that the club had enough money to keep Jones once Corey Koskie signed a three-year, $17 million deal with Toronto that includes a fourth-year option for $6.5 million if Koskie gets 1,200 at-bats over three seasons.

But a closer look reveals how tough it will be for Ryan to keep the payroll at around $55 million, a number ordered unchanged from last season by owner Carl Pohlad.

The Twins have seven players under contract (Brad Radke, Torii Hunter, Joe Mays, Shannon Stewart, Joe Nathan, Juan Castro and Mike Redmond) at around $34.15 million. Terry Mulholland, who is expected to sign shortly, could make around $750,000 next season, pushing the total to $34.9 million.

That leaves Ryan about $20 million to sign 17 players, including arbitration-eligible players Jones, Rivas, Johan Santana, Kyle Lohse, Carlos Silva, J.C. Romero, Matthew LeCroy and Augie Ojeda.

So consider: Jones could get $6 million through arbitration, and Santana, coming off a Cy Young season, also could get $6 million.

That would leave around $8 million to sign 15 players. And keep in mind that Lohse, Silva, Rivas and maybe Romero could make between $1 million and $1.7 million next season.

Jacque Itch

For all the talk of postseason dealings--whither Jacque Jones? The Strib has an update:

Jacque Jones was in the area on Thursday, but there's no truth to the rumor that he made a personal appeal to the Twins to not trade him.

Actually, Jones spent the day at Disneyland with his wife, Krista, and some relatives while Twins General Manager Terry Ryan was just a few miles away at the Marriott Hotel preparing for the start of Major League Baseball's annual winter meetings.

Don't think it hasn't crossed Jones' mind to ask Ryan about his future. Jones often has joked in recent years that he was going to be traded, but he is more worried now than ever.

Batgirl will say it right now, she'd miss Jacque like crazy. She's been told so many times that Jacque's going to be gone that she's come to accept it--and let's face it, we have more outfielders than Nick Punto has lifts. He's become both expensive and expendable--though Batgirl wonders if he may be slightly underrated. Pretty much if a guy hits a late-inning homer, it seems to be Jones, plus there was that whole Jacque-tober thing. Plus, you know, the smile. It makes Batgirl smile. And when Batgirl smiles, the world smiles.

Oh, and a little Logic 101 test: can anyone spot the flaw in Sid Hartman's argument here?

Twins owner Carl Pohlad has stepped in at times and signed players such as Kirby Puckett and Chuck Knoblauch. I believe that Pohlad could sit down with Koskie and sign him in just a few minutes. One other thing Koskie wants is a no-trade clause if he signs.

And on this subject, where are those geniuses in the media who used to call Pohlad "Mr. Cheapo?"

Not only did he approve the big contract for pitcher Brad Radke, some $18 million over two years, but he agreed to offer Koskie arbitration, something that could cost Pohlad a lot of money.

The Koskos Wheels Spin

From the Strib:

Third baseman Corey Koskie is willing to re-sign with the Twins for less than what he's being offered elsewhere, but a no-trade clause has to be tied to the deal.

Koskie and his agent, Pat Rooney, have informed the Twins of an offer from another team for as much as $16 million over three years. Koskie would not reveal the team.

Koskie would settle for two years from the Twins for between $9 million and $10 million. But, because he's leaving a bigger deal on the table, he would like a no-trade clause added.

His view: If the Twins struggle and fall out of contention, he could be dealt. Then the local discount he agreed to means nothing.

Thanks to Ehsayer for the heads up, eh!

Radke Signs! Arbitration for Corey!

From The Sporting News:

Twins resign Radke to two-year deal
Ken Rosenthal / TSN
Posted: 3 minutes ago                
       
The Twins have accomplished their biggest off-season objective, resigning right-hander Brad Radke to a two-year contract in the $18 million range, Sporting News has learned.

Radke, 32, attracted the interest of the Dodgers, Red Sox and several other clubs after finishing 11-8 with a 3.48 ERA last season. He will remain the Twins' No. 2 starter behind left-hander Johan Santana.

And the Strib/AP:

The Minnesota Twins agreed to a two-year contract with right-hander Brad Radke, and offered arbitration to third baseman Corey Koskie, left-hander Terry Mulholland and catcher Henry Blanco, the team announced late Tuesday.

Blanco has signed with the Cubs today, so I assume that's one big typo. [or not. more good strategy on TR's part... we get a draft pick out of the deal.]

And, for perhaps inexplicable reasons, Batgirl will be more than pleased to see Terence John back.

Props

Who is the greatest team in the WHOLE WORLD?
Okay, at least in the AL Central?
That's right, the Minnesota Twins, so says Batgirl and ESPN.com's Phil Rogers, who picks the Twins to four-peat next year:

Quickly, class.

Can you name the most dominant regular-season team in the American League?

From April through September, dominance comes in the form of divisional control. And no team, not the Yankees, not the Oakland Athletics, has controlled its own division any better in recent years than the Minnesota Twins.

That's right, the Twins, who had to survive a close encounter with contraction just to keep passing out uniforms every February in Fort Myers.

Zero Hour?

Batgirl, for one, will be pressing reload on her ESPN.Com all day...this is the last day to sign Koskos and Radke before they have to offer arbitration--which TR donwanna do. Here is some detail from the Strib:

And That, My Dear, is Understatement

Batgirl neglected to post article from the PiPress about the Twins' reactions to the steriod to-do, but, as Goober says, a lot of it is pretty priceless:

While the trend of steroid use in baseball is a fairly recent phenomenon spanning the past decade or so, by most accounts, it seems to have largely sidestepped the Twins' organization. Twins physician Dan Buss, who conducts player physicals during spring training, said he doesn't recall signs of use among players he examined during that span.

"Probably very few people (with the Twins) have been steroid users," he said. "In baseball, I don't think steroids, other than in a power-hitter role, are really an effective drug, and most people understand that. Historically, we haven't had a lot of power hitters."

And who knew Kyle Lohse was our rep now? Better than Lyle, that's for sure...

The Proof is in the Payroll

In the Batgirl-Will-Believe-It-When-She-Sees-It Department, a.k.a. Less-Talk-More-Koskie, a.k.a. Put-Up-Or-Shut-Up a.k.a. Put-Your-Radke-Where-Your-Mouth-Is, from Sid Hartman:

Ron Simon, the agent for Twins pitcher Brad Radke, is asking for a contract calling for $10 million a year, a price the Yankees won't pay if they are seriously interested in signing Radke as a free agent. They have other priorities. Meanwhile, Mariners officials claim they have not made an offer to third baseman Corey Koskie...

...On another subject, Bell said he never has seen Twins owner Carl Pohlad as determined to win another World Series. "Sure, finances are important to him, but he talks much less about finances these days and a lot more about how we can put a team together that can win a World Series," Bell said.

Baseball's Barry BALCO Christmas

Everybody's known baseball players were juiced for years now; hell, we've all known Giambi and Bonds were juiced, we all knew Big Mac was--we've just been waiting for the cream to hit the fan. Selig, for all his talk, has turned a blind eye, and there's a special place in hell reserved for Player's Association president Don Fehr who has defended valiantly his players' rights to destroy their bodies.They're all complicit, and every time one of their guys gets various cancers and parts of his body start falling off, they are at partial fault. And every time a kid orders some of this crap off the inter-tron, that place in hell gets a little less cozy.

If baseball won't do something about it, John McCain will, as he's told the NY Times:

As Major League Baseball's steroid scandal widened to include the sport's most prolific active home run hitter, Senate Commerce Committee Chairman John McCain (R-Ariz.) said yesterday that he will introduce legislation imposing drug testing standards on professional athletes if baseball players and owners do not adopt a stringent crackdown on steroids by January.

In the wake of the disclosure that San Francisco Giants slugger Barry Bonds used substances provided him by a trainer who has been indicted in a steroid distribution ring, McCain, in an interview, gave baseball until next month to adopt the more stringent drug testing requirements of minor league baseball or face federal action.

"Major league baseball players and owners should meet immediately to enact the standards that apply to the minor leagues, and if they don't, I will have to introduce legislation that says professional sports will have minimum standards for testing," McCain said after returning from a European trip late yesterday. "I'll give them until January, and then I'll introduce legislation."

This isn't going away. Giambi was just an appetizer (and by the way, does anyone think the Yankees would be trying to get out of his contract if he had hit 50 home runs last year? No? I thought not.) and Barry's the main course. Barry hurts, I think, more than the rest because he has given us a glimpse of the finest professional sports has to offer--true greatness. There is little doubt that Bonds would have been one of the best players of his era without the BALCO--but these substances have elevated him into one of the best players of all time. And it is a lie. A fraud. Smoke, mirrors, and "the clear." He pretends to show us something beautiful and rare, but he lies. Professional sports are supposed to be fun, a wonderful diversion--but they can come to mean so much more. And when we see Tiger Woods, Michael Jordan, possibly purse-carrying A-Rod--or even when we see Torii Hunter make a dazzling catch, Joe Mauer take a swing, Justin Morneau send one into the upper decks, BatMom strike out a lefty, President Santana do anything--we're reminded of humanity's capacity for greatness. True greatness inspires, excites, and enlivens--whereas false greatness breeds nothing but disappointment and cynicism. And it hurts baseball. And no one hurts baseball on Batgirl's watch, dammit.

Here's an excellent Thomas Boswell column from the Washington Post, so good, in fact, that Batgirl is putting up the whole thing:

Now we know how much of Barry Bonds was real and how much was fake. Half was a fraud.

Bonds's reputation has lived by his statistics. Now, let it die by them. Forever. Before Bonds hooked up with his old friend and alleged steroid merchant Greg Anderson in '98, he had 411 homers in 6,621 at-bats, one per 16.1 at-bats. The next two years, as he acquired and adjusted to a new body, he hit 83 in 835 at-bats, one per 10 at-bats.

In the past four seasons, from ages 37 to 40, as he has done the deeds and committed the offenses against his sport for which he will always be remembered, Bonds hit 209 home runs in 1,642 at bats -- one every 7.9 at-bats.

In those four years, Bonds won four straight National League most valuable player awards, two batting titles and set the all-time single-season records for home runs, slugging percentage, on-base percentage, walks and intentional walks.

All those records are now a steroid lie. Without Anderson's illicit help, there is no reason whatsoever to believe Bonds could have approached, much less broken, any of the all-time marks for which he lusted so much that he has now ruined his name.

Throw every record that Bonds has set in the past four years into the trash can that history reserves for cheats.
We need no asterisks or erasures. Word of mouth, from box seats to bleachers, from generation to generation, will suffice. Bonds's 21st-century deeds have been obliterated in the eyes of anyone who knows baseball. Nothing will ever bring them back.

Let Bonds keep his 411 homers and three MVPs before he linked his fate to Anderson in '98, though we can't be sure what he might have used to aid his play before that. At least we now know what he's willing to use: anything that's put into his hands.

Bonds still claims he didn't know what he was taking. If you read the grand jury transcripts in yesterday's San Francisco Chronicle and still believe Bonds, then look outside your door. A line of bridge and swampland salesmen may stretch to the horizon. In baseball at least, sticking to the Big Lie as a winning strategy just isn't what it used to be. Pete Rose devalued the market.

There is no reason Bonds should ever again be considered one of the top 10 hitters who ever lived. The true elite -- including Babe Ruth, Hank Aaron, Ted Williams and Willie Mays -- are back where they belong. If you seek current players to keep them company, start with Alex Rodriguez and his 381 home runs at age 29. At that juncture, Bonds had 222.

The career of the authentic Bonds was long and well defined, lasting 12 seasons until he was 35. After that point, almost all players decline in productivity. Without Anderson in his life in recent years, Bonds's production would probably have dwindled. We'd be grouping him now with other 500-homer hitters, such as Rafael Palmeiro (551) and Ken Griffey Jr. (501), who coped with age and injury all by themselves even as Bonds, the glory thief, stole their headlines.

The jaw-dropping irony of Bonds is not that he used steroids to improve himself or slow athletic aging, but that the particular cocktail Anderson handed him actually worked too well. While other cheaters merely prospered, he rose to the skies like a god. He became so great so suddenly and stayed so young so long that his lie became larger and easier to read than the 25 on his back. His deceit and its results were so obvious that other players such as Gary Sheffield and Jason Giambi flocked to him. Sheffield's tissue-thin defense is that he merely asked Anderson to give him what Barry gets and didn't know exactly what that was -- the "clear," the "cream" and a side order of "red beans." As for Giambi, he chose honesty over perjury before a grand jury and rolled over on himself. In time, by coming clean, Giambi may eventually wash some of the dirt off himself.

They call it a devil's bargain for a reason. Because when the price comes due, it's no bargain at all. There's just hell to pay. Other BALCOs in other cities may have their own lists of sinners. That's irrelevant. Society only jails the crooks it can catch.

Few in baseball loved Bonds, who has always resented the sport for the shabby way it treated his troubled father during his own career. Armchair psychologists can wonder whether Bonds's intense and tangled relationship with his alcoholic dad spurred him to make his late father's last years, riddled with catastrophic illnesses, into a kind of son's tribute tour at any cost.

That falls into the category of explanation, but not excuse. "To know all is to forgive all," it is said. Perhaps. Understanding Bonds has always been a full day's work. Still, his manner has ensured that few hearts within the game will break for him now.

Barry wears his demons on his sleeve and has used them as an excuse throughout his career to put his ambitions and ego, his personal pain and problems, ahead of anything else. So, he shouldn't be surprised if baseball now values its own good name above his shame and discounts much of what he has done by a factor of 25 pounds of muscle that he never earned.

The glory of Roger Maris's 61 home runs, which felt heavy to him in life, became a buoyant legacy to his family after his death. The disgrace of Bonds's 73 tainted home runs will become heavier with time until even fake muscles may not bear the weight. What will the future make of all Bonds's vainglorious finger-to-the-sky home plate celebrations as if heaven was on his side when it was more likely that hell had just called a holiday?

If Bonds plays next season, many fans will boo his 500-foot homers and cheer his intentional walks. As for a 715th home run to pass Ruth, much less a 756th to surpass Aaron, the thought of it is now almost too revolting to endure. If nothing else, maybe Bonds can find the decency to retire before he passes Aaron. Last season, he raised that possibility. Now we know why.

In time, Bonds will realize that both he and his sport would have been better off if his feats of the last four years had never happened. The longer he lives, the more his "unbreakable" records, protected by better drug testing, may seem like a curse. As he ages, he will wish, perhaps even pray, that he could extinguish them all. But they will never disappear from the game's history.

For Bonds, the number 73 will only loom larger. Even as, for the rest of us, it moves toward the horizon of memory and shrinks until it finally takes its place, remote but still distinct, next to that other sad number that never entirely fades: 1919.

Setting the All-Time Record for Perjury...

Well, the Chronicle has the scoop on Barry Bonds's grand jury testimony. Apparently, while Barry did use some of these banned substances, he thought it was flaxseed. And when BatMom smoked all that catnip after Thanksgiving dinner, she thought it was oregano.

It's been a very trying evening for Batgirl, I mean, there's so much bleepin' material in this article, what is one to excerpt? The part where Barry says he was doing blood and urine tests at BALCO because he "was interested in nutrition issues" and he had even employed a "'nutritionist from Stanford?'" Or when he says he started using the cream and the pills while he was distraught over the illness of his dad? Or when he tries valiantly to conceive of a world where the stories "I-didn't-know-what-my-trainer-was-giving-me" and "my-trainer-is-a-saint-who-would-never-give-me-steriods" can co-exist, nay, lead us to the shining ideal of Truth? Or even--Justice? Really, what is a Batgirl to do?

You should just go give the whole thing a read, and come back and tell us what YOUR favorite part is--but here's a choice bit. Batgirl and Sooz will be giving a dramatic reading of the testimony at Bryant Lake Bowl tonight:

The prosecutors queried Bonds about calendars -- taken in a raid on Anderson's home -- that contained his name and notes about performance-enhancing drugs. He replied, "I've never had a calendar with him, never had anything."

Bonds said he couldn't explain a calendar page with the name "Barry" on it, nor a note indicating an invoice of $450 for blood tests.

Likewise, Bonds said he couldn't translate a document that had the notation "! G !" along with "one box off season" and "two box season, $1,500."

The prosecutors thought it referred to Bonds' payments for boxes of human growth hormone, but Bonds said, "I don't know what G is."

Asked about a reference to a $450 payment for a bottle of the injectable steroid Depo-Testosterone, Bonds replied, "I have never seen this bottle or any bottle pertaining that says Depo-Testosterone." He also denied ever injecting himself with any drug.

Other documents suggested Bonds was using Clomid, the fertility drug that enhances the effect of testosterone; modafinil, an anti-narcolepsy drug used as a stimulant; and the steroid trenbolone.

"I've never heard of it," Bonds replied to questions about each drug.

Asked about the endurance-boosting agent known as EPO, Bonds said, "I couldn't even pronounce it."

Queried about insulin, which also can have a steroid-like effect, Bonds said, "Insulin? I'm not a diabetic."

Bonds also was quizzed about a document that said, "Barry 12-2-02, T, 1 cc G - pee."

A prosecutor asked, "Does that correspond to you getting, you know, growth hormones or testosterone or giving a urine test or anything of those things that you can recall from Mr. Anderson."

"T could mean anything," Bonds replied. "G could mean anything. And pee could probably mean anything."

Bonds said he had no knowledge of paperwork indicating that starting in 2001, BALCO had been screening his blood not just for nutritional deficiencies but for steroids.

"Do you know why BALCO would have been testing for your testosterone level?" he was asked.

"I have no idea," Bonds replied.

"Do you know why your testosterone level would have been -- according to the report -- higher than the level, the normal range indicated for males 29 to 49 years old?"

"I don't understand this piece of paper," Bonds replied.

Elevated testosterone levels can indicate steroid use, according to medical experts.

Testify!

Batgirl's intern has found some of Jason "Word Smith" Giambi's actual testimony, courtesy of The Chronicle

Giambi also described for the grand jury how he had injected the testosterone and human growth hormone, which he said Anderson told him he could provide if Giambi couldn't get it elsewhere.

The growth hormone was taken "subcutaneous ... so like you would pinch the fat on your stomach" and inject the substance just below the skin, Giambi testified.

Asked whether the same were true for testosterone, Giambi told the prosecutor that it called for a regular injection.

"So, you would put it in your arm?" Nedrow asked.

"No, you wouldn't," Giambi said. "You'd put it in your ass."

Giambi Admits to Juicing

Batgirl is shocked, SHOCKED!

From the NY Times:

SAN FRANCISCO (AP) -- New York Yankees slugger Jason Giambi injected himself with human growth hormone in 2003 and also used steroids for at least three seasons, according to his grand jury testimony that was reviewed by the San Francisco Chronicle.

The testimony given in December 2003 to the federal grand jury investigating BALCO contradicts Giambi's public proclamations that he never used performance-enhancing drugs.

Baseball probably could not punish Giambi. Penalties for illegal steroid use began in 2004.

Giambi described how he injected human growth hormone in his stomach, testosterone into his buttocks, rubbed an undetectable steroid knows as ``the cream'' on his body and placed drops of another, called ``the clear,'' under his tongue, the Chronicle reported Thursday.

Also, ewwwwww.

And Still Yet Mo' Money

From the

The Twins have increased their $20 million, three-year offer to pitcher Brad Radke by $1 million.

But insiders say the free-agent starting pitcher has two other offers worth at least $10 million more than the $21 million the Twins have offered.

By baseball rules, the Twins have until Tuesday to offer Radke, 32, salary arbitration. In arbitration, Radke, who was 11-8 with a 3.48 earned-run average in 34 starts and 220 innings, could win at least $10 million for next season. If the Twins don't offer arbitration, Radke wouldn't be allowed to re-sign with them until May 1, meaning they would lose him.

Without Radke, the Twins' starting rotation for 2005 probably would look like this: Johan Santana, Kyle Lohse, Carlos Silva, J.D. Durbin and Joe Mays, who will try to return with a rebuilt arm. The Twins would be expected to sign or trade for another starter with the money saved by not signing Radke.

Mo' Money for Rad Brad?

From the

The Twins, who initially offered free agent pitcher Brad Radke a two-year, $14 million contract, have made the veteran starter a three-year, $20 million offer.

The two sides remain far apart, though. Best bet is that if Radke signs with the Twins, it will be for three years and something in the $27 million range.

Adios, Mango Face

This hurts Batgirl almost as much as it hurts Donnalove, but as reported on Wednesday, it seems Mango Face is no more a Twin. It seems someone's agent's eyes were bigger than his batting average. From the Strib:

The Twins preferred to bring the strong-armed Blanco back. That became unrealistic after a series of events that baffled management.

The club picked up Blanco's 2005 option for $750,000, but Blanco took advantage of a clause in his contact that allowed him to opt for free agency once he passed 280 plate appearances.

The Twins figured Blanco just wanted a two-year deal, and offered him $900,000 a year. Blanco's agent came back with a request for $2.5 million, and the Twins recently agreed to that.

Then Milwaukee signed catcher Damian Miller for two years at $6.5 million with an option. Blanco's agent came back with a request for a two-year, $3 million deal. The Twins decided to sign Redmond.

Viva Castro!

From the Strib:

Infielder Juan Castro and the Minnesota Twins agreed Tuesday to a $2.05 million, two-year contract.

Castro, 32, hit .244 with 21 doubles, two triples, five homers, 26 RBIs in 299 at-bats over 111 games for Cincinnati last season. Castro started 35 at third base, 21 at shortstop, seven at second base and three at first base.

An eight-year veteran who is considered a strong fielder, Castro became attractive to the Twins when shortstop Cristian Guzman signed with Washington last week. Castro will fight for playing time at the position with Jason Bartlett, Nick Punto, Augie Ojeda and possibly Luis Rivas.

Batgirl's Pokey dreams die today.

BG to TR: Sign Koskos!

From the :

Even before they lost shortstop Cristian Guzman to the Washington franchise Tuesday, the Twins took the first step in an effort to prevent losing the entire left side of their infield, opening negotiations with free-agent third baseman Corey Koskie.

The Twins made what Koskie said he hopes is a starting-point offer early in the week. He wouldn't reveal details of the offer, but it is believed to be a multiyear deal. He made $4.5 million in 2004, the final year of a four-year, $10.5 million package.

Guzie an Expo...or a National...or Something

Just not a Twin.

From the Washington Post:

The Major League Baseball franchise scheduled to move to Washington next season made the first major splash of the free agent period today, signing third baseman Vinny Castilla and shortstop Cristian Guzman. In doing so, the former Montreal Expos quickly filled what general manager Jim Bowden had identified two of the team's glaring holes and, in Castilla, giving the club a power-hitting threat for the middle of the lineup.

Castilla, who played last year with the Colorado Rockies, signed a two-year deal worth $6.2 million, according to a source close to the negotiations. The move is the first significant deal of the offseason for Bowden, who was hired Nov. 2 on an interim basis.

Guzman, 26, has played his entire six-year career with the Minnesota Twins. He signed a four-year deal. Terms were not disclosed.

(Thanks to the Commish and Mongo for the heads-up. And to Skorch, for trying.)

The Guz-Stakes

We should have a better idea what the 2005 Twins will look like in the next couple of weeks--and we may know who is playing shortstop for us in a few days. Or who is not.

From the Strib:

Twins free-agent shortstop Cristian Guzman could sign with another team as soon as Wednesday, according to his agent, Stanley King.

King said Monday that Twins General Manager Terry Ryan wasn't very receptive when told what Guzman is being offered by other teams.

"He said he didn't think he would be able to make that kind of commitment," King said without discussing details.

Count Chocula, Jr!

From the PiPress:

• It's a boy: Cole James, born to Twins closer Joe Nathan and wife Lisa on Tuesday in Chandler, Ariz.

(This Random Baby From the Internet is Only a Simulation.)

JUSTICE FOR JOHAN

Ladies and Gentlemen, by a unanimous vote, your 2004 Cy Young Winner:

Santana/Nathan Voter Suppression Story Goes National!

From ESPN.com's Page 2:

What the heck was a Minneapolis election judge thinking when he asked a voter to remove a red, white and blue button inside a polling place on election day? The button, in support of Minnesota Twins' pitchers Johan Santana and Joe Nathan, read "Santana/Nathan, '04. Starting and Closing for America." (The voter refused to remove the button. After a discussion among a group of voting judges, he was allowed to continue to wear it.)

A. "Dude, we used to let people come in here with 'Jesse Ventura for Governor' buttons as a lark, and look at the slippery slope that created."

B. "Look, if those guys get elected, they won't be able to play for the Twins next year."

C. "Sorry, but those two aren't eligible in this election. They already lost in the primaries back in October." [WAY HARSH-BG]

D. "The voter told me Ron Gardenhire asked him to leave it on even when it started to fall apart and he had a new button ready to come in." [DITTO-BG]

E. "Everybody knows that Schilling/Foulke is the more balanced ticket."

F. "OK, that button can stay. But I'm drawing the line at the 'Gardenhire/Romero '04. Coming Out of the Bullpen to Retire Situational Lefties for America' button."

[Thanks to mike for the heads up!]

Golden Boy

The Gold Gloves have been announced and, to show there is some justice in the world, Mr. Torii Hunter has received another one.

This is Hunter's 4th Gold Glove. He's given away one to Jerry White, and another to--well, Batgirl can't remember, maybe Gardy?--but to whom will he give this one?

The AL awards:
Kenny Rogers, P
I-Rod, C
Darin Erstad, 1B
Bret Boone, 2B
Eric Chavez, 3B
Derek Jeter, SS (This is not a typo)
Ichiroooooo, OF
Vernon Wells, OF
Mr. Hunter, if you please. OF

SANTANA/NATHAN VOTER SUPRESSION?

From the Strib:

At Luther Memorial Church in north Minneapolis, a voter was asked by an election judge to remove the button he was wearing. He declined, setting off a quick discussion among a group of judges, several of whom came over to look at the red, white and blue button in question.

The button, in support of Minnesota Twins ace pitchers Johan Santana and Joe Nathan, read: "Santana/Nathan, '04. Starting and closing for America."

The judges' verdict: It could stay.

What Is Kyle Lohse Doing?

We learned from today's Strib that Kyle Lohse is heading to Japan:

Twins righthander Kyle Lohse last week was in the middle of his usual offseason chore -- teeing off on a golf course near his home in Scottsdale, Ariz. -- when he got the call.

"I went from thinking the season was over and getting ready to spend some time relaxing," he said, "to having someone call me and say, 'Can you get ready in a week?' "

Lohse said he could, and he was added to the team of Major League Baseball All-Stars that will tour Japan Nov. 5-14. He will leave today for Los Angeles, where the team will work out for a few days at Dodger Stadium before departing for Japan.

Now, clearly this is not true. This whole" All-Star" thing must be some kind of elaborate ruse to hide Lohse's true purposes. Where is he going and why?

Wonder Woman suggests he is enlisting the help of Mr. Miagi and practicing some zen exercises in not-sucking. What do you think?

A Key Endorsement!

From the Strib:

The Sporting News honored two people in the Twins organization Tuesday, naming Ron Gardenhire the co-winner of its American League Manager of the Year award and lefthander Johan Santana the AL Pitcher of the Year.

Gardenhire was recognized for winning 93 games in a season that began with doubts about whether the club had enough pitching to win a third consecutive Central Division title. He shared the award with Texas manager Buck Showalter, who unexpectedly had the Rangers challenging for the AL West title.

Trouble in Right Field?

From the Strib:

Twins outfield prospect Jason Kubel is expected to miss several months because of a left knee injury suffered Wednesday during an Arizona Fall League game.

Kubel will leave the Phoenix area today for his home state of California, where he will be examined next week at the Kerlan-Jobe Orthopedic Clinic in Los Angeles. Kubel's knee remained significantly swollen Friday -- and the true extent of the injury and recovery time won't be pinpointed until he has surgery -- but every indication is that Kubel will be sidelined for a long time.

"He has extensive ligament damage," Twins General Manager Terry Ryan said. "This is going to be a time-consuming rehab and therapy process. It is a serious injury, unfortunately for him."

It will be interesting to see what this means for the off-season. Will Lew Ford become our right fielder? Will Resto finally be delivered from AAA purgatory? Will the Twins make a greater effort to keep Jacque? Stay tuned...

Introducing Your 2005 Minnesota Twins...

(One of them anyway. Congratulations to Mango Face for getting his contract renewed. We're glad to see you're coming back!)

Pat Reusse: Optimistic About America

Pat Reusse for one, thinks the Yanks have a shot...in Game 5.

Manager Ron Gardenhire was a bit more feisty. First, he went into the clubhouse and told his players it was too quiet -- to turn up the music. This gave the TV crews taping postgame clubhouse interviews a chance to have X-rated hip hop as the background noise for sound bites.

Next, Gardenhire charged down the corridor to the interview room, where he said: "We got Johan going and we all know how good he's been. And then we have Radke going back to New York. We're packing our suitcases to finish this thing up in New York, where we started."

Two years ago, the Twins trailed Oakland 2-1 in the first round, then won behind Eric Milton (while pounding Tim Hudson) in Game 4, and Radke outpitched Mark Mulder to win Game 5.

"If we give him the chance, Radke will pitch great," first base coach Jerry White said. "That's him."

Santana is the man who will present Radke with that second chance against the Yankees. Three days rest? Santana will have thrown 93 pitches in a period of nine days when he takes the mound today.

That priceless left arm will be April fresh. He will have a nice sweat on his brow, and the feel for his changeup -- missing in cool New York on Tuesday -- will be there inside this warm, crowded Dome.

Wanna Cry?

Read this story about the family members of the Twins at Yankee Stadium.

(EDIT) And THEN read Jim Souhan's article about Jacque Jones's homer....

Yawn.

From the NY Post:

...Three days and three steamroll victories later, the Twins were just another grease stain on the Yankees' crowded playoff highway.

Which is precisely where the Twins will find themselves again, soon enough. The afterglow is gone. The reality is here, again. The Twins saw what a fully engaged Yankees team is capable of doing in Games 2 through 4 last year; they are about to see that again.

The Yankees would never, ever, ever say this, of course, but they had to be more than ecstatic to watch the Angels take care of business this weekend, sweeping the A's and earning the No. 2 seed in the AL playoffs. The Twins have a fine team. They have a terrific pitcher in likely Cy Young winner Johan Santana.

But the Yankees have a better team, in every way. They just swept the Twins, when the games were of critical importance to both teams' playoff futures — the Yanks hoping to hold off the Sox, the Twins wanting to secure the No. 2 seed, thereby bypassing the Yanks.

And, by the way, the Yankees made Santana look more human in the process than any team has since the middle of July.

The Angels? They represent everything the Twins wanted to be last October, because two short years ago they did what everyone believed was impossible: They won three straight postseason games from the Yankees, on the way to their first-ever World Series victory.

(Thanks to Nice Marmot)

EDIT:More class is shown by Mr. Joe Torre, as quoted by YankeeFan:

"I don't think they will be the same team," Joe Torre said of the AL Central-winning Twins, whom the Yankees swept three games from in The Bronx last week on their way to clinching their seventh straight AL East title. "It will be a whole different atmosphere and a different situation from last week. We needed to win and they didn't."

A Prophet for Our Time?

ESPN.Com Page 2's editor Michael Knisley, who is clearly some sort of freakish genius well ahead of his time, picks the Twins to win it all:

Knisley: ALDS: Twins over Yankees in 5; Red Sox over Angels in 4
NLDS: Cardinals over Dodgers in 4; Astros over Braves in 4
ALCS: Twins over Red Sox in 6
NLCS: Astros over Cardinals in 6
World Series: Twins over Astros in 6
World Series MVP: Torii Hunter, who hits .385 in the Series with an on-base percentage of .567 and has three outfield assists

Propers.

A nice article in USA Today about Gardy and the team:

Three years into his role as manager of a club that was not even sure of its existence the day he took the job, Gardenhire has proved adept at striking the proper balance.

With a revolving cast of players necessitated by tight budget restrictions of a team that was targeted for contraction after 2001, he has won 90 or more games in three consecutive seasons and is a strong candidate for AL manager-of-the-year honors.

"He is the face to the organization," says general manager Terry Ryan, who himself is a candidate for his second executive-of-the-year award for his success filling the holes left by budget-related offseason departures of three front-line pitchers and a starting catcher.

(Thanks to soccerfan for the heads up)

Dougie to Gardy: All Better!

From the :

BOSTON — Doug Mient-kiewicz wants to bury this thing with Ron Gardenhire.

And Mientkiewicz saw last Monday night as the perfect opportunity to start making amends with his former manager, whom the veteran first baseman has solely blamed for the Twins trading him to the Boston Red Sox as part of a four-team deal July 31.

Saying his anger has quelled in almost two months since leaving the only organization he had known in 9½ professional seasons, Mient-kiewicz sent Gardenhire a congratulatory e-mail hours after the Twins clinched their third consecutive American League Central Division championship with a victory over the Chicago White Sox at U.S. Cellular Field.

Mientkiewicz said he wrote: "What you've been able to do over there is unprecedented. Regardless of what you think of me as a person, I wanted to say congratulations. It's a hell of an accomplishment."

Boo Berry Robbed!

From the Strib:

Juan Rincon, 25, hasn't reached the millionaire status of more established major leaguers, but his $330,000 annual salary is still a fortune by Venezuela standards.

In an interview last week, Rincon told about being robbed last year by several men who forced his car to the side of the road and then recognized him.

They demanded cash, which he did not have.

He said he eventually talked them into accepting a check, which the robbers cashed the next morning at 8 a.m.

"The bank even called me to approve the transfer of the funds," Rincon said. "I said yes. What could I do? They knew who I was and where I lived."

Me, neither.

From Baseball Prospectus:

If Red Sox and Yankee partisans are bored with the "fait accompli" AL East and AL Wild Card races, then here's something for you to pay attention to. It's how the seeding plays out. More to the point, Yankee fans have a vested interest in seeing the Twins wind up with a better record than the A's. Sox fans, however, would do well to summon their karmic resolve for the opposite outcome.

This is because the idea of facing two doses of Johan Santana and, if necessary, two doses of Brad Radke in a five-game series is mighty unpalatable. As I've already written in this space, I think Santana and Radke form the best one-two punch in the game this season. Since the All-Star break, the Twins are 21-5 when Santana or Radke starts (13-0 when it's Santana) and 20-19 when anyone else is on the bump. Needless to say, the prospect of four games against "Radtana" should make the Yanks and Sox quake in their cleats. But someone's going to have to play them.

At this writing, the Twins are a game up on the A's, and here's how the remaining schedule plays out:

MIN: (4), (3), (3)CLE
OAK: (3), (4)SEA, (3)ANA

The schedule favors the Twins, who have two series against the hobbled and regressing Indians around a tilt with the--by then--auto-piloted Yankees. As for Oakland, after the recent sweep by Texas, they'll be fighting to stave off the Angels and surging Rangers, with two series against second-place Anaheim. The other consideration is that the Twins have already clinched the Central and will be more concerned with doling out rest and configuring the rotation than jockeying for playoff seeding. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if they'd prefer the lower seed, which would allow them to avoid facing Curt Schilling and Pedro Martinez twice each in the ALDS.

Still, given the schedule differences and the one-game lead for Minnesota, the A's will probably come in as the three seed (should they make it at all). That means another Yankees-A's ALDS and a potential epic round of pitching match-ups between the Sox and Twins. Can't freaking wait.

NOTE: For those upset and confused by the uncharacteristic linkage, let me add that this article was provided to Batgirl courtesy of Jeffstoned.

Well-Wishes!

From the same Daily Southtown article as the entry below:

On Tuesday night at U.S. Cellular Field, White Sox fans will be able to send their regards to injured sluggers Frank Thomas and Magglio Ordonez. Personal media centers will be stationed at the ballpark from 6-8 p.m. to record get-well wishes from fans.

Dearest Batlings, do you have any well-wishes for these poor souls?

Bitch Sox Bitch

From the Daily Southtown:

The White Sox still took a certain amount of comfort in bowing to the Minnesota Twins on Tuesday night.

Yes, the American League Central Division title has all but been conceded to Minnesota for a third consecutive season, as a 10-2 Twins victory the Metrodome just about put the final nail in the Sox coffin.

However, several Sox players said it hurts less knowing that while the Twins are going to the postseason for a third straight season, they also expect their rivals to have a short stay once the playoffs begin.

"I think they keep forgetting that we lost our two best players this year," one Sox player said. "We have Magglio (Ordonez) and Frank (Thomas), we're looking at a different story here.

"That's fine, let them do their talking and clapping and antics on the basepaths. Minnesota has two World Series banners, but not one came from this group of players. They forget that. I'll be glad to sit back and watch them go one and done (in the playoffs). Our season ends Oct. 3 or whatever it is. So they'll get an extra week in before they're done."

The whole article is worth reading. It all pretty much speaks for itself, but Batgirl would like to point out that they couldn't put us away when they did have Mags and Darth and we were in the sucking-time, and also we've lost our best hitters for much of the season as well. The difference is, we have depth. Which is part of being a winning team.

When people ask Batgirl why she loathes the Bitch Sox to the very core of her being, this, my dear, is why.

Thanks to mongo for the heads-up.

"Excuse Me, Haven't We Fragged Somewhere Before?"

From the Strib:

Gardenhire was eating dinner with his wife in an Anaheim restaurant Saturday night when he saw outfielder Lew Ford dining with two guys.

Gardenhire assumed they were former teammates, but Ford introduced them as "guys I met on the Internet."

Gardenhire quickly left.

Sunday, Gardenhire brought Ford into the coaches' room to explain. Ford said he met the guys playing the video game "Doom" on the Internet.

"Lew's always entertaining," Gardenhire said.

Team Batgirl, of course, knew it all along.

Justin Timberlake?

The Strib delves into the Twins' musical tastes. The results may surprise and disturb you:

We asked several famous folks at the Metrodome to name their dream double-bill for a concert in a ballpark:

"Incubus and Audioslave. Because everything they do doesn't sound the same. They have heavier stuff and more mellow stuff. They have variation."
Justin Morneau,Twins first baseman

"Eric B & Rakim. I like old-school music. And 2Pac. That's my dream. I don't like the music today."
Torii Hunter, Twins centerfielder

"I don't listen to much mainstream. I listen to some Christian. Mercy Me -- and Bon Jovi. Mix 'em up."
Lew Ford, Twins outfielder/designated hitter

"Stevie Wonder. He's my favorite what-do-you-call it? -- musician. Of the new age stuff, [Justin] Timberlake. I like the way he dances and entertains."
Matthew LeCroy, Twins catcher/designated hitter

"I'd have to say Mr. [Bernie] Williams of the Yankees, and bring back Count Basie with Sinatra. That's major league. Sinatra was my favorite of all time. Nobody brought America together like he did. I bought Bernie Williams' album. I was really surprised he was that good. Good rhythm, good tone. I do like that kind of music."
Bob Casey, Twins stadium announcer

"Willie Nelson and [the cast of the musical] 'Cats.' That's a good combination. And Mickey and Minnie, too. George Strait. Pure country. Him instead of Willie."
Bert Blyleven, Twins TV announcer

"You have to have the Rolling Stones. And Dylan. And Elton John. Only two? Give me all three and I'll take the rest of the year off."
Chris Berman, ESPN broadcaster

Shenanigans! (Eddie edition)

From MLB.com.

Beware of Eddie: Several Twins will be on high alert while at Safeco Field this week, knowing former teammate Eddie Guardado could be lurking with practical jokes. On the final day of the previous trip to Seattle, Guardado cut the toes out of players' dress socks and put itching powder in some coaches' pants.

Guardado is currently on the disabled list with a tired arm, meaning the reliever will have too much time on his hands for planning and executing.

"We're going to put lookouts all over. I'm hiring people," Gardenhire said. "I'm flying my son in -- he can watch my office."

Bitch Sox Miscellany:

Now, Batgirl knows there's a lot of baseball to be played yet, and she discounts neither the Bitch Sox nor Cleveland. But she enjoyed these two items:

From the Strib:

And first baseman Frank Thomas, apparently having missed the Twins' winning two consecutive division titles and having the second-best record in the league, said: "With the players we have now, if we all get healthy, we should run away with things, to be honest. ... The way Minnesota's playing, we could run away with the division."

Meanwhile, Twins Geek has this to say:

From the Transaction Wire: The Chicago White Sox acquired second baseman Roberto Alomar from the Arizona Diamondbacks for cash and a player to be named. Oh, this is just precious. Kenny, here's a little grilling tip for you: When the grill is smoking a lot, and the meat is black and crispy, or sort of looks like a large chunk of coal, it's done. Real, real done. At that point, it doesn't really matter whether you take it off the grill or not. And parading it in front of people to show you once had a juicy rib eye steak isn't going to enhance your reputation as a cook.

Dougie Baseball in Beantown

Nice, really long article about Dougie at the Boston Globe:

"He'll be a good fit for this clubhouse," Bellhorn said, "because he's kind of laid-back and goofs around."

No question about it.

"Hey, Snook," Ortiz shouted across the clubhouse, using the nickname derived from Mientkiewicz's passion for fishing. "Did you hear what I did to Corey [Koskie]?"

Off they went, with Ortiz recounting the practical joke he played last weekend in Minnesota on Koskie (in part, Ortiz rubbed eye black on the inside of Koskie's cap so when Koskie removed the cap during an interview a black ring appeared across his forehead), and Mientkiewicz filling in Ortiz on Koskie's latest prank (Koskie took a pair of scissors to his teammates's clothes, including the sleeves of Torii Hunter's suit).

Shenanigans!

From the :

Former Twin David Ortiz left a reminder of his visit with the Boston Red Sox over the weekend, in the form of an eye-black stripe around third baseman Corey Koskie's head and smudges on his face.

Ortiz, who vowed revenge on Koskie for a spring 2002 prank in which Koskie put peanut butter in Ortiz's shorts, spread the black gunk inside the band of Koskie's cap before he and the Red Sox departed Sunday. Koskie did early work on the field and at least one interview before discovering the mess.

Lew v. Dougie?

From the Strib:

A few people in the clubhouse confirmed Tuesday that Doug Mientkiewicz had arguments with Lew Ford and Justin Morneau during his final weeks as a Twin, and that Ford and Mientkiewicz had to be separated before their spat escalated. Ford declined to comment Tuesday, and Morneau and Mientkiewicz had a friendly chat Saturday after Mientkiewicz was traded to Boston.

Batgirl can't really even imagine that.

The Poll Results Are In...

Ladies and Gentlemen, meet the July AL Pitcher of the Month.

Please note:

Pitchers receiving votes included Santana's teammates, closer Joe Nathan (0.00 ERA, 7 saves) and Terry Mulholland (3-0, 2.96 ERA); Toronto's Josh Towers (4-0, 2.60 ERA); and Anaheim's John Lackey (4-1, 3.06). Nathan has not allowed a run since June 6.

Next Step: Wedgie?

With the tragic loss of Dougie and the seeming retirement of Corey Koskie's peanut-butter-in-undies-manuever, the BatCommunity has been worried that the Twins clubhouse would suffer a practical joke mega-slump. But apparently, the spirit of David Ortiz is still alive. From the Strib:

After Saturday's game, Morneau and Juan Rincon moved Mauer's locker to Mientkiewicz's old corner space, and put a couch there, as a playful jab to Mauer's inactivity.

Why Johan Should Be President

From the :

The Twins have been impressed by how Santana has scoffed at the Cy Young talk. Twins pitcher Terry Mulholland, a veteran of 18 big-league seasons and 10 teams, believes that Santana isn't affected by his billing as a rising star.

"He doesn't take himself too seriously," Mulholland said. "And I can say for a few guys who have won the award, they had no time to be bothered by anybody. He's having fun. He has a great saying every day: 'happy birthday.' He tells everybody happy birthday" when he walks into the clubhouse each day.

"If you think about it," Mulholland said, "when you wish somebody happy birthday, it makes them feel good — even if it's not their birthday."

Dougie is a Red Sock

Alert BatLings have found that our Dougie is part of a four-team deal that's sending Nomar to the Cubs. It looks like we're getting a prospect, specifically pitcher Justin Jones whom the Cubs drafted in the second round in 2002.

Right now, according to AP, the trade looks like this:
Cubs: Nomar from Sox plus minor league OF
Sox: Orlanda Cabrera from Expos, Dougie Defence
Expos: Alex Gonzalez, Francis Beltran, Brendan Harris from Cubs
Twins: Justin Jones

It would be nice if the Red Sox weren't actually in Minnesota and Dougie didn't have to go to a visting clubhouse tonight, but at least he and Ortiz get to be together.

We'll miss you, Sticky. Batgirl will be wearing her black armband in mourning.

As for Jones, BatLing Roy G Bivins has found this article about him from Bill Mitchell's Minor League Ramblings. He compares Jones to Jamie Moyer.

The Twins have called up Jesse Crain.

In related news, beloved but short-lived soap AS THE LINEUP TURNS has been cancelled.

Farewell, farewell.

For Whom the Bell Tolls

Well, as the hours tick away it seems more and more like Dougie will be staying a Twin, and the morning papers paint a rather dark picture of the first baseman's mental state.

From the :

Doug Mientkiewicz was back in the Twins' lineup Friday night. Yes, the final lineup the manager posted.

But it didn't help ease any of the anxiety the first baseman has expressed since being told a week ago he could be traded. And it didn't diminish the team's fears he would be hard to live with if he's not traded.

"It's hard to perform for someone who doesn't want you. That's the bottom line,'' Mientkiewicz said before going 3 for 3 and driving in both Twins runs in an 8-2 loss to Boston in the Metrodome.

"That's not true,'' Twins general manager Terry Ryan said. "He is wanted. It's just a matter of how things are going to play themselves out.''

And Patrick Reusse writes that Dougie and the whole First Wives Club are nothing but a big mess, not to mention that there's a wee tension with Mr. M. and Mr. Gardy:

Long before Friday's first pitch, a Twins veteran was sitting in civilian clothes in the home dugout, talking on a cell phone. When the conversation ended, he looked down the bench at a loitering reporter and said:

"Is Dougie stuck here now?"...

...On Monday morning, the Star Tribune published a story by baseball writer La Velle E. Neal III revealing that Mientkiewicz had been told he would be traded. Then, on Tuesday night, he was scratched from the lineup after initiating a brief pregame meeting with Gardenhire.

It was official: The manager had made a bad read of his high-strung first baseman. He was having a tough time handling the truth about where he stood now that slugger Justin Morneau had come to stay.

On Thursday night, Mientkiewicz further fueled the controversy during the radio interview. He took a variety of shots at Gardenhire, the nastiest of which came at the end of the interview when asked if he could "mend fences" with his manager.

"It's going to take a lot of conversations," Mientkiewicz said. "It's not going to be easy. If I can be a man, I hope someone else can be a man, too, and fess up."

And here, before last night's game, Dougie and Scotty Ullger exchange a nice snuggle. (Thanks to Batgirl's esteemed readership for the link.)

Mr. Met to Benson: Hey, Your Wife's Hot!

Well, that was fun, but all good things have to come to an end, and BensonQuest '04 is finally over. Kris Benson is now a Met. See the story on ESPN

Pittsburgh gets third baseman Ty Wigginton and right-handed pitching prospect Matt Peterson from the Mets and third baseman Jose Bautista from the Royals. Kansas City gets Mets catching prospect Justin Huber.

The three way deal with the Bitch Sox didn't work out because the Pirates didn't like any of the Bitch Sox prospects. Batgirl can't help but find that rather delightful.

As The Trade Winds Blow...

According to Batgirl's good friend Sid Hartman there's no imminent Dougie deal in the works, but things aren't so smurfy between Dougie and Gardy right now:

Twins General Manager Terry Ryan said he never told first baseman Doug Mientkiewicz he was going to be traded.

But Mientkiewicz and Twins manager Ron Gardenhire are not getting along, and it was Gardenhire who told Mientkiewicz he was going to be traded, not Ryan.

But Ryan is the boss. "I know what I said to him. I don't know who else and what else was said," Ryan said. "I know when I talked to Doug it wasn't that I was going to trade him. I don't know what anybody else told him, and it's probably none of my business. But I certainly know what I said to him."

Ryan realizes the current situation is not good, and he would like to make a trade. But he says he isn't close to a deal.

Meanwhile, if you can believe what you read in the papers, the Benson Quest is over for the Twins. So says the Tribune-Review:

One thing became clearer yesterday as Benson spent what figured to be his final day in the home clubhouse at PNC Park: It looks like he won't be joining the Minnesota Twins.

The Twins, who were considered the front-runners to trade for Benson, backed out yesterday afternoon when they decided not to part with any of their top prospects, particularly Class AAA outfielder Jason Kubel.

"We just couldn't bridge," Twins general manager Terry Ryan told KFAN.

Batgirl's pretty sure Ryan was totally willing to trade some top prospects (i.e. poor Michael "Let My People Go" Restovich) but just not the one the Pirates wanted. So the rumors now have him going to the Mets. According to Newsday:

In a deal that could be done as early as today, a source indicated last night that the Mets have refocused on Pirates righthander Kris Benson as their primary trade target, with Ty Wigginton and Double-A righthander Matt Peterson the bait. The Mets -- scrambling for pitching help as tomorrow's non-waivers trade deadline approaches -- have coveted Benson, 29, for the past month, but Pirates general manager Dave Littlefield had been trying to extract top prospects from at least three other teams, the Rangers, Twins and Angels.

Of course, other rumors have the Yanks looking at Benson, too, if Randy Johnson decides to break Geo. Steinbrenner's poor tender heart, and there's speculation that the Bitch Sox are going to help the Mets make this deal. Or so says ESPN (Thanks to loyal and generous reader FBM2K for the link):

ESPN's Peter Gammons reported Thursday night that the Mets and Pirates are in serious discussions about a deal that would send Benson to New York in exchange for third baseman Ty Wigginton, right-handed pitching prospect Matt Peterson and a minor leaguer, who likely would come from the White Sox, who apparently want to help the Mets beat the AL Central rival Twins to Benson.

While nothing has been finalized, sources tell Gammons that there is a good chance the deal could be completed before Saturday's trade deadline.

Hey, Did You Know the Trade Deadline's Coming Up?

Well, it's an off day here in Twinsland, though not for Terry Ryan, and certainly not for Batgirl--or, more aptly, her intern. For the benefit of all the BatLings, the indefatigable BatIntern has unleashed a progression of articles about the upcoming trade deadline that prove interesting, although certainly not elucidating. That would be far too much to expect. Soon, soon this will all be over and we can get back to talking about which Twins are hot.

Yesterday's Pittsburgh Post Gazette explains a little more about Benson and has this to say of his future:

While Benson posed in the team photo yesterday, a deal is certain, according to sources inside and outside the organization. The front-runner is the Minnesota Twins, but no names have been agreed upon yet. It will not be Doug Mientkiewicz, who, at 30, stands to make $3.6 million next year. The Texas Rangers could get it done if they change their mind and part with outfielder Laynce Nix.

According to sources inside the Rangers' organization, the deal for Nix would not include the "y" in Laynce.

In this morning's Post-Gazette, an article headlined Twins Still Leader in Benson Quest suggests, well, that Twins are still the leader in the Benson Quest. But do they want more than the Twins will give?

The Twins remain the front-runner in the Benson trade talks, but they have not signed off yet on the player the Pirates want -- outfielder Jason Kubel, a Class AAA center fielder who is hitting .351 with 21 doubles, 7 home runs and 41 RBIs in 58 games at Rochester and is considered ready to play at the major-league level. If the Twins agree, the trade likely would be completed quickly.

Yes, the Twins have a great farm system with tons of prospects, but we can't just go trading these guys willy-nilly. I mean, we're the Twins; players come up through the system, get to the bigs, suck for a little while, then get really good, then get really expensive, then we trade 'em and call up some more prospects. It's the Circle of Life, Carl Pohlad style.

Anyway, Ryan isn't some noodle-brained Bitch Sox owner. According to this Fox Sports/Sporting News Story, Ryan ain't going to sell the farm for some fancy fur coat. Actually, the coat's not even that fancy. It might be made out of squirrel or something. But it's cold in October. But still: farm vs. coat made of squirrel, I'll take the farm.

The Twins, trying to close a deal with the Pirates for righthander Kris Benson, are unlikely to part with the Pirates' top target, Class AAA outfielder Jason Kubel, according to sources with knowledge of the negotiations. Twins 1B Doug Mientkiewicz will not be included in the deal.

Twins general manager Terry Ryan is reluctant to part with Kubel, whom scouts say has a chance to be similar to A's CF Mark Kotsay, but with more power. The Twins would prefer to give up OF Michael Ryan or Class AAA OF Michael Restovich. The Pirates do not have interest in Restovich and would want a second player in the deal if the Twins would only trade Ryan and not Kubel.

In a major play for Benson Quest Coverage Supremacy, the competing Pittsburgh Tribune-Review totally scoops the Post-Gazette .

The Twins, armed with a bevy of young corner position players and outfielders, have been mentioned as an obvious trading partner for the Pirates. The latest name to surface is minor-league outfielder Michael Ryan, a local product who graduated from Indiana High School in 1996...

According to a source, the Pirates recently had Ryan take a physical so they could determine the soundness of his shoulder. In 27 games with the Twins last season, Ryan batted .393 with five homers and 13 RBI. He had 31 homers at Class AAA Edmonton in 2002.

And finally, (phew) the Providence Journal reports that the BoSox wanted to do a whole kinky three-way thing, but the deals are falling apart, which, alas, is only to be expected. Next thing you know, Dougie, Benson, and Youkilis will all be Yankees.

In another proposed deal, the Sox, who have been trying to obtain first baseman Doug Mientkiewicz from the Minnesota Twins, were said to be trying to work a trade for him through the Pittsburgh Pirates. The Pirates, who are eager to deal pitcher Kris Benson, have been talking to the Twins about a trade for Mientkiewicz and outfield prospect Michael Restovich. But not wanting to be saddled with Mientkiewicz's salary, the Pirates had spoken to the Sox about sending the first baseman to Boston for a package involving Kevin Youkilis.

Meanwhile, one of the things Batgirl loves about the Minnesota Twins is it's just one big happy family. One of her loyal and resourceful BatLings suggests you take a moment to get to know Kris Benson's slightly perverted wife.

Dougie Gone...

According to the Star Tribune Dougie has been told he will be traded. We don't know the details yet, but a very prescient Twins Geek has some pro facto theories.

Meanwhile, Batgirl finds herself very saddened by the loss of one of her favorite players. No matter his OPS or his IDS or LBJ, he is a team leader, a goofball, and just a consummate Twin. Batgirl would be sad to have any of those core players go, but Dougie Defence most of all. She feels, in truth, as if the heart of the team has been ripped out, and she fears that this will alter the personality of the Twins in a way which may hurt them for the rest of the season. For baseball, my darlings, is not just about stats--it is about alchemy and beauty, and that is why Batgirl loves it so.

She will be wearing a black armband all week in mourning.

Meanwhile, let's take a look back at some of our favorite Dougie moments this season.

BoSox Gone Wild!

Nobody loves a good bench-clearing brawl more than Batgirl, and one's TiVo remote may have been worn out watching it again and again last night. But Batigrl isn't quite sure how the whole thing started: First A-Rod got hit, then he swore a heckuva lot, then Jason Varitek tried to subdue him, then, judging by this picture, the catcher tried to get something out of A-Rod's eye.

Chill, Dude, I'm only trying to help!

Tom Powers Enrages Batgirl

PiPress columnist Tom Powers Minnesotans for not being good baseball fans.

We should stop kidding ourselves. Minneapolis and St. Paul should have a Class AAA team instead of the Twins. This is not major league territory.

Forget about building a new ballpark. The trendiness eventually will wear off. Then it won't matter if the team wins three pennants in a row because few will give a hoot. Just like they don't care now.

My guess is that the Twins franchise one day will wind up in Portland, Ore., where the veteran players will tell stories about gloomy days and sparse crowds in Minnesota. And such a move will be good for baseball, solidifying one more financially shaky team.

The whole article is worth a read for its fan-bashing and blindness. One thing everyone must know; Batgirl will never ever ever forgive Carl Pohlad for trying to contract her Twins. Something we just cannot get past. I know it was you, Carl. You broke my heart. You broke my heart!

Belly-itchers

From the Strib:

The Twins optioned righthander Matt Guerrier to Class AAA Rochester after Tuesday's 6-2 loss to the White Sox and activated infielder Nick Punto from the 15-day disabled list.

That makes Saturday's starting pitcher at Arizona a mystery.

"TBA," Twins manager Ron Gardenhire said.

Let's hear it, my BatLings. Who should pitch on Saturday? Give your nominations. Perhaps Dazzle could step in? Or Bert, see if he has his old curve? Or Brad Radke could put on a big mustache and pretend to be his own evil Twin?

Or maybe Spiderman!

Warning: Sass

From today's PiPress:

All-star notice: New York Yankees manager Joe Torre, the manager of the American League all-stars this season, said before Friday's Mets-Yankees rainout at Yankee Stadium that Twins closer Joe Nathan made a strong first impression on him when he watched Nathan pitch the ninth inning against Boston on television Thursday afternoon.

"He was lights out," Torre said. "He's got great stuff, for sure."

All-star stuff? "He's certainly a guy you have to look to," said Torre. "He got my attention."

It must be VERY trying for Joe Torre to have to pick one player from every team. He can't pick all Yankees! Truly, it's a great burden, and wholly unfair since only the Yankees are worthy of being All-Stars.

Greisy Out: Guerrier In

From the Strib:

The Twins sent righthander Seth Greisinger to Class AAA Rochester after Saturday's game and called up righthander Matt Guerrier from Rochester.

Guerrier is a spot-hitter who throws around 89-90 miles per hour. He has a curve, slider and change up in his repetoire. He's 3-6 with a 3.57 ERA.

"He's pitched well but has had some back luck," said outfielder Michael Restovich, who was with Guerrier at Rochester.

Guerrier has just 12 walks in 80 2/3 innings to go with 58 strikeouts.

For now Guerrier is scheduled to start on Saturday in Milwaukee, but if Carlos Silva needs an extra day because of his slightly pulled gluteus muscle, Guerrier could start on Thursday against Montreal.

Heh. Gluteus.

Batgirl Would Have Liked to Have Seen That, Redux

From the Strib:

The Twins will do anything to break a slump. Friday afternoon, during team stretching, the players formed a line, and Matthew LeCroy and Torii Hunter did "Soul Train" dances.

"They wanted Lew Ford to try," said hitting coach Scott Ullger, "but all he could do was square dance."

No, No, Gordon, They're EVIL!

The PiPress :

A little hocus-pocus by Kyle Lohse early, a little magic dust by Torii Hunter in the ninth inning and the Twins pulled a 3-2 victory over the Detroit Tigers out of a hat Friday night at the Metrodome.

2005?

On Sunday, Jim Souhan proposed a possible 2005 starting line-up. Team Batgirl likes it because it is chock full of boyfriends (though we would certainly miss the peppy Latin music the Dome plays every time a south-of-the-equator player comes to bat). What do you think? (And what, pray tell, do you think Souhan has done with Matthew "Big Boom" LeCroy? Is he on the BoSox now, too?)

If Jacque Jones isn't re-signed and Corey Koskie is, and the Twins are as comfortable with Cuddyer at second base as they say they are, their 2005 lineup could look something like this: Shannon Stewart, Doug Mientkiewicz, Hunter, Koskie, Cuddyer, Morneau, Restovich, Joe Mauer and Nick Punto or Jason Bartlett.

Stelly Alert!

Tom Powers of the PiPress has a great interview today with Rick Stelmaszek--prophet, philosopher, bullpen coach.

What goes on out there?

Life in the bullpen involves mostly trying to find a cure for boredom, as Twins coach Rick Stelmaszek knows only too well.

Q: I hear that the worst experience in baseball is having to use that bullpen toilet at Fenway Park.

A: It's improved there! Instead of just a hole in the ground with a toilet on top of it, they have running water. They put in a floor, also. But there are no lights.

Q: How do you use a toilet with no lights?

A: Very carefully.

Q: You're sort of trapped out there, too.

A: LaTroy Hawkins said to me one time, "I've got to go to the bathroom, but I can't go in there." What does he want me to do about it? It's between innings. In Boston, there's no way around. You've got to go across the field to get to the clubhouse. I tell him he better hurry up. There goes Hawkins, running across the field.

Q: We don't actually have a bullpen at the Metrodome.

A: No, not to speak of. Not an enclosed area. We can actually work off the (dugout) bench here.

Q: Which are the worst bullpens for the visiting team?

A: Chicago (U.S. Cellular Field), because it's close to a bar. A bar in the stands. That's a bad combination. There is nothing worse than drunks, about the sixth inning, trying to tell you what to do. At Baltimore, the people stand above you. We've had golf balls, rocks, beer, all kinds of stuff thrown in there. Why would you waste beer?

Q: Any good ones?

A: The one I like best is the one in Houston. The new park. You're kind of underneath, away from all the noise. It's kind of peaceful. You get a chance to just watch the game and do what you're supposed to do. And at Wrigley they're pretty friendly. They're right on top of you, but overall they're pretty good and friendly.

Q: What about Yankee Stadium?

A: New York isn't bad because a lot of time there aren't a lot of people in left field. And they are policed pretty good over there. You really don't get as much flak as you would think.

Q: Ever see anything really weird happen in a bullpen?

A: Nothing you could put in the paper.

Q: How do guys kill time when they are out in one of those remote bullpens, like the one in Kansas City?

A: You shoot the breeze. Sometimes guys play trivia. (Mike) Trombley was a good time-killer. He liked to talk and always had some type of trivia game going.

Q: Any disputes arise?

A: Oh, yeah, there'd be some heated arguments and everything else. "You're wrong! You're wrong!" There's nothing happening in the ballgame and you get a bunch of scurrying in the bullpen. All of a sudden the phone rings: "What's going on down there?"

Q: You have to keep law and order.

A: I'll tell you what: the one thing in the bullpen that really ticks me off... is when they flick those #$%% pumpkin seeds. They play closest to the line. We're getting our butts handed to us and I'm telling them, "Pay attention; you're going to be in the ballgame.' And they're playing closest to the line. I finally tell them, 'If you guys had as good control with your fastball as you do with your pumpkin seeds we wouldn't be in this mess to begin with."

— Tom Powers

Bullpen coach Rick Stelmaszek has been with the Twins since 1981. He has seen every bullpen from the "pillbox" at old Tiger Stadium to the fancier ones of the 21st century. We caught up with him during the Twins' most recent homestand and chatted about life in those baseball outposts.

Bitch Sox Recriminations!

Loyal and resourceful reader Sandee sent this wondrous article from the Chicago Sun Times.

Changes in wind for sockless Sox

May 16, 2004

BY TONI GINNETTI Staff Reporter
Pathetic. Embarrassing.

And time for changes.

Those were the words from White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen Saturday after watching a second consecutive meek and meager offensive effort against the Minnesota Twins lead to a 4-1 loss.

Worse, the feeble effort came against a pitcher, Seth Greisinger, who hadn't won a game since May 19, 2002, spent last season at Class AAA in the Detroit organization after having elbow surgery in 1999 and walked onto the U.S. Cellular Field mound carrying a 6.87 ERA.

"It's hard for people to come here and see day-in and day-out the same stuff,'' Guillen said, vowing changes in the lineup today. "If our hitters don't start changing, there will be some changes because I have to do the best I can to make the White Sox winners.''

The rival Twins are the ones who keep winning, notching their fifth consecutive victory overall and their seventh in a row against the Sox dating to last season. They are riding high in the AL Central, with a 14-6 record against division opponents and a three-game lead over the second-place Sox.

"It was a great baseball game again,'' Twins manager Ron Gardenhire said. "The pitchers for both sides were good.''

Greisinger (1-2) was the victor over Esteban Loaiza (4-3), who turned in one more solid performance (eight innings, six hits, three runs, five strikeouts, one walk) but took his third consecutive defeat.

"I'm feeling good about the way I'm throwing the ball and my velocity,' Loaiza said. "All I can do is try to throw strikes. You never know what's going to happen. Our starters and relievers are doing the best we can. They got more runs than we did, and we'll have to try to get one [today].''

If they don't, the Twins will leave town with a sweep of the teams' first three-game series.

"Loaiza threw the ball well --the best since he faced Tampa Bay [April 23],'' Guillen said. "You're not going to win games scoring one or two runs. We're not hitting to support the pitching staff.''

Loaiza was touched for two runs in the fifth before Torii Hunter hit the first of his two home runs in the sixth, the other coming in the ninth off Cliff Politte. It capped a 4-for-4 game for the Twins center fielder, who was hitting .125 (2-for-16) in his last five games.

The Sox can only hope their hitting fortunes will turn the same way after giving the crowd of 32,360 only a home run by Frank Thomas, his seventh, to celebrate.

"I knew [the pitch to Thomas] was a mistake,'' Greisinger said of his first-pitch cut fastball in the fourth inning. "It's a lot easier to forget about because it was a mistake pitch, and he did what he was supposed to do with it.''

Thomas' last two at-bats were strikeouts, including a called third strike to end the sixth that had him railing at umpire Fieldin Culbreth.

"I don't know if I fooled him as much as I got a pretty favorable call,'' said Greisinger, who allowed four hits before relievers J.C. Romero and Joe Nathan (12th save) finished the job. "It was a pretty big out considering what he did the previous at-bat.''

Guillen's patience clearly had run out watching the final two innings.

"The pitchers are doing their job, but we have bad at-bats,'' he said. "If you have a good at-bat and make an out, I can live with that. But swinging at bad pitches, not concentrating on what they're supposed to do or trying to do too much, I guess, or not doing nothing at all. It's pathetic.

"I know people get sick and tired of seeing the same thing. If we continue to swing the bats like that and wait for something to happen, we'll be in trouble. You will see.''

The coming changes to the lineup seem likely to at least put infielder Juan Uribe in action again. The utility infielder is the Sox' leading hitter at .352, seventh-best in the American League, but he didn't play in the first two games of the series.

"I'm not going to say anything now,'' Guillen said. "I'll have to think about what I'm going to do.

"If we didn't have the offense, it's a different matter. But we have people who can hit. We have players who can do some damage, and they're not doing it.

"It's time to maybe stop taking batting practice, stop swinging in the cage and do it in the game,'' Guillen said. "It's time to perform [in games].''

Batgirl Would Like to See That

From the Strib:

Later, Twins reliever Juan Rincon walked Frank Thomas on four pitches in the eighth before getting two strikeouts and a flyout to end the inning.

"I told him, 'You do that again, me and you are fighting on the mound,' " Gardenhire said.

Star Tribune Does Not Credit Batgirl

Here, courtesy of the Strib, is great info on the Johanninator's tricked out Explorer for sale on eBay, news that Batgirl broke (read: stole from Twins Geek) just two days before. Batgirl's favorite tidbit: he's replacing the 2003 vehicle with a Hummer, just like all the other Twinkies. Vroom! Vroom! Big car go fast!

And, where is the expose on the Giant Kitty?

HOT HOT Boyfriend-Wife on Boyfriend-Wife Action!

Batgirl is all a-quiver.... Twins wives Jodi Mientkiewicz and Lisa Pierzynski will be doing the announcing for part of the game today--which, of course, will be televised. Batgirl is a huge Jodi M fan and is extremely curious to see the woman who won AJ's heart. Will they Pipp Dick and Bert?

[EDIT: Or not. Anyone know what happened?]

MVP!

As regular readers may remember, a pea-brained ninny of a Chicago Sun Times Writer infuriated Batgirl last month by writing that he would not be voting for KG as MVP because KG simply wasn't very nice. Nice, to this writer, apparently is synonymous with giving interviews to said sportswriter. The Strib, in this wonderful character piece, seems to posit a different view. Batgirl's favorite tidbit: KG has nine dogs which live in a luxe kennel on his property. KG has put a large screen tv in the kennel so the doggies can "watch daddy."

Batgirl suggests said Chicago sportswriter read the article, and then she has an idea about where he can put his MVP vote.

Meanwhile, what will KG do once the playoffs are over? May Batgirl make a humble suggestion?

And Then We All Held Hands and Sang Kumbaya

MLB.com has an update on the fallout of that AJ story. I hope AJ's okay, but one can't help but wonder; is it really better if a guy says to a reporter that you're a cancer OFF the record?

... "We talked about it, got a lot of things out in the open -- I'm not going to tell you what we talked about; it's none of your business to be honest about it -- and if we were winning it wouldn't be an issue," Pierzynski said.

"They said some of the quotes they say were taken out of context or off the record," he added. "I think we came together as a team and it was good to get things out in the open and taken care of before it turns into a bigger issue than it already is."

Pierzynski, a 27-year-old acquired from Minnesota in the offseason, said if the controversy "gets us together as a team and more focused, that's fine," saying his teammates were supporting him.

"They are behind me and believe in me," said Pierzynski. "I take their word over a reporter's."

Manager Felipe Alou said he looked at the opening paragraph of the newspaper story, noted the team sources were anonymous and didn't read any more.

"I stopped there because I don't believe it was worth continuing," Alou said. "You talk to me about anonymous and I don't have a conversation with you. It's not healthy [what was said] but I think the guys are addressing that."

Relief pitcher Matt Herges said it was not a topic that helps the Giants, who have struggled in April.

"It's a team issue and we want it gone," Herges said. "We don't want to dwell on it."

Bullpenner Jim Brower said he heard Pierzynski had a certain reputation with Minnesota as a chatterbox and outgoing player but decided to see for himself when the catcher joined the club. He has seen no problems.

"We're all professionals and we go out and win together," Brower said. "We're right on the edge to go on a tear. Communication is a good thing."

Pierzynski said he is a new guy and "an easy target" because he is a new guy and replaced the popular catcher Benito Santiago. "There was also stuff written about me in Minnesota," Pierzynksi said.

Poor AJ!

Two loyal readers have pointed out this story to Batgirl. Being called a cancer cannot be good for one's self-esteem. (Batgirl's ever-conspiratorial intern points out that this story is published in the Oakland paper, and we know for the alleged "Boo-Yah" incident. When will people understand he's just a little...excitable?)

Giants pitchers rip into Pierzynski

Players say 'he's the cancer in here' and doesn't help staff

By Andrew Baggarly, STAFF WRITER

SAN FRANCISCO -- Struggling Giants catcher A.J. Pierzynski was called into Felipe Alou's office for a closed-door meeting Thursday with the manager and general manager Brian Sabean before a 4-3 loss to the Marlins, and while Pierzynski said he did not ask to be traded, several teammates said they wouldn't mind seeing him shipped off the roster.

"He's the cancer in here," said one Giant, who requested anonymity. "The pitchers aren't happy with him. If they can trade him, that would be fine with me. We all know Yorvie (Yorvit Torrealba) can catch this staff."

Pierzynski, who came over from Minnesota in an off-season trade, denied he wants out of San Francisco, and said he has worked hard to develop a rapport with the pitchers here.

But several pitchers disagreed, and questioned Pierzynski's work ethic. The latest incident occurred before Wednesday's game, when two players confirmed Pierzynski ignored starting pitcher Brett Tomko's request to go over opposing hitters. Instead, the players said, Pierzynski resumed playing cards for another 20 minutes.

"I've never in all my years seen a catcher who didn't watch video before games," one pitcher said. "He doesn't watch hitters -- other than the Twins games when they're on TV."

Another disturbing story made its way through the clubhouse last week.

According to two Giants players, the Padres' Phil Nevin said Pierzynski was criticizing Giants pitchers while Nevin was at the plate.

"That did it for me," one Giants pitcher said. "If a pitching staff doesn't have the respect of their catcher, that's it. That's what it's all about.

"I can understand if you're a veteran who's been here six years, somebody like Benito (Santiago). That's one thing. You're entitled to do things your way. But when you're coming into a new situation, you're the one that has to earn respect. This is an established pitching staff."

Added another pitcher: "He's my catcher. I've got to work with the guy. But if they make a change, that would be fine by me."

Neither Alou nor Sabean would comment on the meeting, though Sabean said it wasn't about finding Pierzynski a change of scenery. Two other major league GMs said they didn't believe the Giants were actively shopping him.

"Absolutely, unequivocally no," Sabean said. "Not on his part, not on our part. Whoever is saying that is giving an utter line of bull."

Said Pierzynski: "Me, Brian and Felipe sat down and talked about things, about what's going on with the team. It was a constructive and fun conversation. No problems were brought up at all."

But according to two players, Pierzynski has privately said he is unhappy in San Francisco and wants out. When asked directly if that was the case, Pierzynski laughed.

"Hell no," he said. "I'd never ask to be traded. First of all, I'd never do that. Why would I request to be traded? We've played 20 games. This is a great park, a great place to play.

"If they trade me, I'll go wherever they send me and be happy there. It's kind of funny, actually. I've already been traded once this year. I'll go somewhere else if that's what they want. There's nothing I can do. I don't have a no-trade clause. I can just pack up and go."

Pierzynski developed a reputation as a hothead in Minnesota and was unpopular with many opposing teams who accused him of chirping behind the plate and other unsportsmanlike conduct. This spring, the Giants accepted him and several players praised his feisty, emotional style of play.

A month into the season, the honeymoon apparently is over.

"You know he's an abrasive person, and you tolerate it," a Giants pitcher said, "but when you're around it this long, it starts to wear you out."

A career .301 hitter entering the season, Pierzynski has four hits over his past nine at-bats to raise his average to .236. He has grounded into a team-leading seven double plays and has become a magnet for boos at China Basin.

Some pitchers wondered aloud if Pierzynski hasn't continued to sulk over his hitting slump while he's supposed to be focusing on calling pitches -- a charge Pierzynski pointedly denied.

"My job is to help this staff," he said. "Hitting is a bonus. I take pride in not taking my at-bats into the field. Defensively, I think I've been pretty good, and I feel it's getting better.

"It's always a work in progress when they get a new guy. I'm working to get better, and the guys have been great to me. I talked to Woody (Kirk Rueter) after his start, I talked to Tomko today. It's all about getting a feel for what they need to do to get better. We talk about pitch selection between innings all the time."

From the Chicago Tribune, 8/25/04

Examining the freefall ; Since a late July series with Minnesota, the White Sox season has taken a major turn for the worse; how and why it's gotten so bad;

Bob Foltman, Tribune staff reporter. Chicago Tribune. Chicago, Ill.: Aug 25, 2004. pg. 10

What happened?

On the morning of Sunday, July 25, the White Sox were flying high. They had beaten the Detroit Tigers the previous night to move a season-high 10 games above .500 and were in first place in the AL Central Division with a half-game lead over the Minnesota Twins.

And then it all fell apart.

They lost that Sunday to the Tigers. The next night Torii Hunter ran over Jamie Burke and the Sox's playoff hopes.

The Sox wound up losing seven in a row, and by the time they stopped the bleeding they were five games behind the Twins.

It would be easy to blame the collapse on the loss of Magglio Ordonez and Frank Thomas. Certainly losing two big bats in the middle of the lineup is going to be noticed.

But Thomas and Ordonez were in the lineup earlier in the season, when offensive inconsistency was just starting to drive manager Ozzie Guillen crazy. And both have been in the lineup for most of the past four seasons, when the Sox failed to build upon or duplicate their 2000 division title.

So the question remains: Why has this season disintegrated? There are a number of reasons.

Lack of "baseball" skills.

1. The Sox can pound the ball with anyone. But they're woefully ineffective in some of the subtler aspects of the game that have more to do with winning and losing than hitting home runs.

"The reason is they didn't execute, move the guy over, drive the guy in, make the right pitch, throw to the right base," Guillen said. "If you don't do that, you have to have a bunch of good hitters to survive over the years. We don't do that this year, and we have to be prepared next year."

Taking the fifth

2. The Sox's longest winning streak of the season is five games. That is a very telling number, because it's hard to go on an extended run when every fifth day you're picking a name out of a hat to be the starting pitcher.

It's not just that the Sox's fifth starters haven't won games. They have been hammered early, putting the hitters in a deep hole and taxing the bullpen.

General manager Ken Williams has made some splashy trades in the last couple of seasons, bringing in Bartolo Colon, Freddy Garcia, Roberto Alomar, Carl Everett and Jose Contreras, among others. But his inability to find a consistent fifth starter has been damaging.

Whatever happened to all those strong young arms in the Sox's minor league system?

Arms race

3. Despite the trades for Garcia and Contreras, the numbers say the Sox's pitching staff has been in a slow decline. They're in the bottom half of the league in team ERA after ranking near the top in the first half. Garcia has struggled in his last two outings, when the Sox needed him most, and Mark Buehrle has been alternately brilliant and average the whole season.

Add to that a bullpen that early in the year was an adventure with Billy Koch as the closer and now has become an adventure trying to get games to new closer Shingo Takatsu. Damaso Marte's ERA is almost two full runs higher than it was last season. He gave up three home runs last year in 71 1/3 innings. This season he has allowed eight in just 57 2/3 innings.

Intangibles

4. Whether Torii Hunter's play on July 26 was dirty--he crushed Burke at home plate in a game that appeared to be decided already-- isn't the issue. The play sent a message the Sox failed to answer.

More importantly, though, Hunter is one of a handful of players on the Twins who will do that sort of thing, play the game that way. How many Sox players would?

Before the season Williams said he wanted more "grinders" on his team. It's a term popular in hockey for players who bring it every night, doing the dirty work and paying the physical price to win games. This season--and the last several, for that matter--have shown Williams needs to keep searching for his grinders.

There's No Crying in Baseball

Except when there is, like over this article BatDad sent on from the New York Times on April 27, 1947--the day that baseball celebrated Babe Ruth Day. The whole thing is worth reading, but here's an excerpt:

A bit unsteady at the outset, the Babe, in a raspy voice that obviously had been weakened by recent serious operations, dwelt principally on the youth of the land. Ruth's main interest now is the American Legion baseball program, for which he has been signed as a consultant, and it was to the boys that he directed his talk.

"Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen," he began. "You know how bad my voice sounds. Well, it feels just as bad. You know this baseball game of ours comes up from the youth. That means the boys. And after you've been a boy, and grow up to know how to play ball, then you come to the boys you see representing themselves today in our national pastime."

Now the Babe's big smile was visible to everyone. Still a very sick man, he emphasized his remarks with a clenched fist and a wave of the hand.

"The only real game in the world, I think, is baseball," he continued. "As a rule, some people think if you give them a football or a baseball or something like that, naturally, they're athletes right away. But you can't do that in baseball. You've gotta start from way down the bottom, when you're 6 or 7 years old. You can't wait until you're 15 or 16. You've gotta let it grow up with you, and if you're successful and you try hard enough, you're bound to come out on top, just like these boys have come to the top now.

"There's been so many lovely things said about me, I'm glad I had the opportunity to thank everybody. Thank you."

UmpGate?

Team Batgirl was interested in Brad Radke's contention in today's Strib that the home plate umpire, Gerry Davis, was squeezing him:

What whittled Radke's composure down to the nub was that he believed he pitched much better than his line -- seven innings, four earned runs, no walks and three strikeouts -- showed.

In one of the shortest, and angriest, interview sessions of his career, Radke disputed ball-strike calls by home plate umpire Gerry Davis, and also said it's not the first time Davis has made controversial decisions against the Twins.

"I thought I pitched the ball pretty good," Radke said. "Sometimes it's pretty hard to throw when there's no strike zone. The guy [Davis] should turn the page from last year. You can print that. I don't care."

Radke alluded to a four-game series in September in Chicago, during which Davis was in the middle of questionable decisions. Davis ejected manager Ron Gardenhire in the first game of the series Sept. 8.

Now, Batgirl is generally not in favor of blaming umpires--who are, after all, human beings, with hopes and dreams and good days and bad days, just like the rest of us only with more padding. But she does distinctly recall the Twins getting totally hosed in that critical series in Chicago last September by a series of calls that were "questionable" (in the way that Napoleon's decision to go into Russia was "questionable." )

Batgirl's intern unearthed a PiPress article from last year about the umpiral scorched earth tactics of that series:

Gerry Davis[ is] the umpire who spent four days in Chicago during the key Twins-White Sox series trying to manage the Twins' dugout then making such obviously poor calls in successive games that it began to look personal by the end of the series.

He worked home plate in the first game of that series, a Twins' loss, and wound up ejecting Twins manager Ron Gardenhire after a sequence of events that began with a close call on a fourth-inning shot by Cristian Guzman down the first base line that was ruled foul. Davis told players in the Twins dugout after that play to calm down, in particular Jacque Jones, who jumped in frustration at the call.

Guzman followed with an inning-ending grounder, and as a few players looked at replays on a TV monitor set up by a camera crew near their dugout, the umpires again got involved in the dugout and ordered the players away from the monitor. "They were more concerned with our dugout than what was happening out on the field,'' Gardenhire said after the game.

The next night, while umpiring third base, Davis called out Corey Koskie at third when Koskie tried to advance from second on a tapper in front of the plate. If there had been a force on the play, it would have been close, but there wasn't, and Koskie beat the tag by a wide margin. The out call cost the Twins at least one run in a two-run loss.

Davis called Doug Mientkiewicz out at second the next night on a questionable call on a pickoff throw by the catcher. And in the final game of the series, while umpiring at first base, he called Chicago catcher Miguel Olivo safe on a bunt single in perhaps the worst call of the series, with pitcher Brad Radke's throw beating Olivo by almost a step.

In fact, Gerry Davis is responsible for at least two of Gardenhire's ejections in 2003, starting on the April 30th game against Tampa Bay, in which our beloved manager was thrown out in the first inning for questioning one of Davis's calls. (Replays showed Davis had blown the call). Acting Manager Scotty Ullger was also ejected automatically after Radke hit a batter, making Speaker of the House Denny Hastert, under the succession act, the Twins manager for the rest of the game.

It's Almost Like They're Sick of Talking About It

Gordo and Terry Ryan turned on their mikes a little early on 'CCO today on their call-in show. Over the introductory music listeners could hear something which sounded very much like:

Ryan: Any calls about Victory Sports?
Gordo: I hope not!

Get Out of Jail Free Card?

Batgirl's good friend Sid Hartman informed his readers that Fox, owners of FSN, also owns DirecTV. DirecTV is one of the six big cable operators who can't seem to find a way to buy Pyrrhic Victory One, nor can any of the six of them show up for mediation. How strange. Batgirl was raised with a firm foundation in antitrust law, and she doesn't want to seem paranoid, but it seems like the biggest monopoly* since Batgirl's husband built hotels on Park Place and Boardwalk.

Batgirl's swarm of lawyers will be working on the case this weekend.

* Batgirl's swarm of lawyers inform her that it's not really a monopoly but a conspiracy in restraint of trade. Batgirl's lawyers, as regular readers know, are no fun.

George v. Carl

BatDad sent on an interesting article from The Wall Street Journal, Baseball's Critics Are Blaming the Wrong Millionaire (log-in required). The thrust of the matter: Why blame George Steinbrenner? He just wants to win, while Carl Pohlad, apparently, does not. (The blame-worthy millionaire seems to be Bud Selig, which makes Batgirl happy.)

...It's not that the Red Sox couldn't afford A-Rod. Like several other major-league owners, including several in the so-called small markets, the Red Sox bosses have personal wealth far greater than Mr. Steinbrenner's. Unlike Mr. Steinbrenner, they seem loath to risk their own money on their teams.

Why should they when they get welfare from the Yankees? The Yankees could be paying out as much as $75 million in revenue sharing and luxury tax this year. Between that, the payroll and other team costs, the Yankees began this season not knowing whether they would show a profit. All Mr. Steinbrenner wants to do is win.

One of the absurdities of the current system is that it rewards some of the wealthiest men in the country for not investing in their own baseball business. For instance, the payroll of the Minnesota Twins, owned by billionaire Carl Polhad, ranks 23rd out of 30 teams. Mr. Polhad isn't required to spend any of the money given to him by the Major League Baseball central fund on players' salaries. He is required to spend it on team improvements; the catch is that those team improvements are defined by the commissioner, himself a former owner.

Baseball's critics are right: There is a ridiculous imbalance in baseball spending. But it hasn't been caused by Mr. Steinbrenner. It's been caused by a system created by men who, in the words of the former players' union head Marvin Miller, "pay lip service to competition and free enterprise, and shudder when they see it in action."

All George Steinbrenner wants to do is win.

Carlos Pulido: Voted off the Island?

We'll find out tomorrow who the Twins send down once Torii Hunter is reactivated, but it seems much of the blogosphere agrees with Batgirl that Carlos Pulido is the likely choice. Check out Eric at The Baseball Boys and also Twins Geek, who we like even though he doesn't seem to be linking to Batgirl. The nerve!

Chicago Sun-Times Writer Blasts KG, Enrages Batgirl

Okay, this floored Batgirl. It did. Everyone knows that Kevin Garnett, in addition to being the Platonic Ideal of Man Himself, is a scholar and a gentleman. So, what is this writer's damage? Is he using Rush Limbaugh's housekeeper? Is he so intimidated by the uber-manliness of KG that he has been driven barking mad? Or is he just getting KG confused with Randy Moss? Please let Batgirl know.

It takes more than talent to earn one man's MVP vote

April 18, 2004

BY LACY J. BANKS SUN-TIMES COLUMNIST

If Indiana Pacers forward Jermaine O'Neal gets only one first-place vote for NBA most valuable player, it's my vote. Yes, I know I wrote last week that I was joining the consensus in voting for Minnesota Timberwolves forward Kevin Garnett. From a statistical standpoint, he qualifies amply for such consideration, and I was all ready to vote for him.

But a fellow NBA reporter recently e-mailed me about how rude Garnett continues to be to the media, never granting pregame interviews and making reporters, pressed by deadlines, wait long after games to talk with him. I then remembered the experiences I and other Chicago writers have had with him, and this is supposed to be one of his homes.

He makes only one trip a year to play in Chicago. But I remember that one time he visited, he was injured and was not going to suit up and play that night. Still, he refused to give me an interview. I reminded him that I was the first NBA writer to interview him before and after he was drafted straight out of high school in 1995, but he still gave me the cold shoulder.

I always have had a policy of voting for the human qualities of an MVP candidate, as well as his basketball talent. I look at each candidate's character, professionalism and willingness to promote the product of which he is a part and which has made him quite wealthy.

All of a sudden, Garnett was no longer my choice for MVP. I then turned to O'Neal, who always has been courteous to me and has granted me interviews before and after games. Besides, O'Neal is the primary reason the Pacers finished with the best record in the league during the regular season and have home-court advantage throughout the playoffs.

So when I entered the voting booth of my conscience and drew the curtains of reconsideration, I switched my vote with a clear mind and a warm feeling of moral accomplishment.

Garnett still is expected to win the MVP, so he doesn't need my vote anyway. But the Garnett I have come to know professionally is an arrogant ingrate who probably cares as little about those voting for him as he does about those who won't. He'll take the praise and awards, but that probably won't change how he views and treats the media.

I only wish the balloting was so close that it came down to one vote. My vote. Then I'd feel even better about the message I'm trying to send.

And that message is: It's so nice to be nice.

Posted by Batgirl at 04:26 PM | Comments (4)

"Walking" Papers?

Torii Hunter will be activated on Thursday, and that means there is one player too many on the team. While it seems likely that a position player will be sent down, may Batgirl humbly suggest another option? Do we really need to carry twelve pitchers now that we've figured out how to win a game in nine innings?

Will the Revolution Be Televised?

Batgirl's good friend Sid Hartman is optimistic on the Victory Sports front:

Behind the scenes, there is a lot of work going on to try to get Victory Sports and the Twins on television for most fans in the Twin Cities.

The Twins seem optimistic that they will work something out in the next couple of weeks with the major cable companies that will get their games on those cable systems.

Batgirl hopes Sid isn't just popping happy pills. It's been very trying. Today, the Twins wore funny old skool red hats, and Batgirl missed it. Someone should tell her when everyone decides to change outfits!

Damned Straight, Gardy

From the Strib:

Blanco had 13 RBI in 55 games for Atlanta last year. He has 10 in 10 games this year. "Damn good managing," Gardenhire said.

Souhan Speaks

Seth, over at Seth Speaks has a great interview with Strib baseball writer Jim Souhan that's worth a look. Here're a couple gems:

Seth Speaks: Which player or players are the first to the ballpark to take extra hitting or hit the weight room?

Jim Souhan: Everybody has their own routine. Doug (and formerly A.J.) used to work out in the morning, so they could concentrate on baseball at the ballpark. Jacque and Torii work out religiously. Shannon Stewart has the most involved pregame routine. I know Al Newman has tried to get Guzman and Rivas to be a little more active before games. Some pitchers run like crazy; others don't do much. Eddie ran for miles every day; LaTroy worked out hard in the offseason, then rested during the season.

SethSpeaks: There seem to be a lot of great personalities on the roster. Which player or players are the pranksters or jokers on the roster? Any one story that you would feel comfortable telling?

Jim Souhan: Corey Koskie might be the funniest, because he invites jokes, then tries to respond. Rick Stelmaszek is the best when it comes to making fun of players, especially Koskie.My favorites: Koskie putting ice in David Ortiz's pants, to distract Ortiz from the peanut butter that was in his underwear. I've never heard someone cuss that much without getting arrested. And there was the time that Koskie deflected a few shots off his body at third base. After the game, Stelly put on all the catching gear he could, grabbed a hockey stick, put on a Koskie jersey and sat in front of the bathroom, waiting for Koskie to walk out. The thing about baseball humor: It never sounds as funny in print as it was in reality.
...

SethSpeaks: Who wins a footrace between Matthew Lecroy, Henry Blanco and a continental drift?

Jim Souhan: What, is the glacier in another heat? Drift, Blanco, LeCroy. The great thing about LeCroy is, as slow as he is, he still has trouble making the turn at first base without running into the baggie.

Yes, let's!

In the You Can Say That Again Department, from an article about the state of the fancy new Metrodome Turf:

Torii Hunter, the Twins' $6.5 million star outfielder, says the soft turf caused him to strain his hamstring as he was running the bases during an April 6 game against Cleveland. He is on the 15-day disabled list...

..."It's hard to say with certainty how Torii might have hurt his hamstring," said Steve Maki, the commission's director of facilities and engineering. "He can blame the turf. As far as I know, that field is ready to go. Let's hope the injury is an anomaly."

From the Strib:

Postive Attitude Dept:

Twins righthander Seth Greisinger will make his first major league start since 2002 when he faces Kansas City on Sunday.

"I love starting," he said. "It's a chance to hopefully get a couple of strong innings and give the team a chance to win."

A couple? Come on, big guy, think positive! How about three strong innnings? Then we can turn the game over to some of our ace bullpen and relax!

Is this the greatest hitter ever?

Apparently, the Twins have started calling Blanco "Hammerin' Hank." Batgirl prefers Henry Crahnk-o. As in:

Goober: Oh, look, Henry Blanco got another home run.

Batgirl: That's Henry Crahnk-o!