Chicago at Twins. Bitch Sox 8, Twins 2

Do you know where Team Batgirl was tonight? No, not at the Twins game, attempting to will some life into its beloved team. Not at the Wolves game, trying to will some lifelessness into Shaq. Not at home, running and back and forth between the two BatTVs--one displaying the Twins, one the Wolves. No, no, Team Batgirl did none of those things. Instead, Team Batgirl went to the opera.

The reasons are not worth getting into, nor should anyone use this opportunity to blame anyone else, even if he/she might be tempted. What matters is that about 1/2 of opera audience was thinking about the Wolves, and the other half had no idea Minnesota had an N.B.A. team, and one girl--one Batgirl--was sitting in her balcony seats thinking about the Twins.

She could barely stand the suspense: Would Carlos Silva come back after a disastrous last start? Would the Twins regain their composure after getting shellacked yesterday? Would our B-Team remember that the Twins are supposed to be a good fielding team? Would Justin Morneau hit six homers? Would we give the Bitch Sox the whupping they deserved?

In this epic battle between good and evil, the stakes are nothing less than operatic—Batgirl's wonderings certainly felt that way what with all that crazy singing in German in the background. And, well, that should have told Batgirl something. For at the end of the opera, people either get married or die, and we can be pretty sure Magglio Ordonez and Torii aren't exactly headed for the altar.

In other words, the answer to all of Batgirl's questions was no. No, no, no, no, and no. None of those things happened. Carlos Silva was no Pavoratti, the B-Team chorus couldn't harmonize worth a damn, Morneau forgot his cues, and the Twins were, once again, on the receiving end of that whupping. As for the fielding, it pretty much impaled itself on its own sword. It was a great tragedy, and everyone wept and threw roses.

Carlos Silva Fights To Get Out the Last Notes

The opera aside, it must be said that there are three things Batgirl is extremely sick of, and would like to just go away. Those things are:

1) The Olsen Twins
2) Low-Carb anything
3) Twins errors.

I dare say I'm even sicker of Twins errors than the first two things, and let me tell you, that says a lot. I mean, this is absurd. I know we have a new turf and all, but we're 13th in fielding in the AL. That's second to last. We're only better than the Tigers. The Devil Rays and the Rangers both have better fielding stats than we do. We've had nine errors in the last three games, and that is way too Bad News Bears for Batgirl's tastes.

It ain't right.

The only upside to all of this losing-to-the-Bitch-Sox is, as loyal Batgirl reader Andy pointed out a few days ago, it will just be that much sweeter when Chicago totally collapses in September. Hang on, my dear friends. Hang on.

Posted by Batgirl at May 21, 2004 11:03 PM