Seattle at Twins. Mariners 8, Twins 2.

[Please view Nutty Opening Credits]

Hello, boys and girls! I'm Nutty, the Athletic Cup! I was born inside Scott Baker's pants one day, now I float around and I have a lot to say!

Today, I want to talk to you about double entendres. Do you know what a double entendre is boys and girls? It's a French phrase, except in the French you say double sens. Isn't that nutty? In French, you might think my name is Nutty, Le Cup D'Athletique, but really it's Jean Paul: Le Protecteur de Pee Pee. It's just like my dad always said, "Oh, Nutty, those French are sure crazy sons of bitches."

Well, anyway, double means two. It can also mean a hit that allows the batter to gain two bases but I think that might be a painful issue right now, and Nutty doesn't want to cause anyone pain. A double entendre is something which has a double meaning and can often be used for humor. Like my name. Nutty! Nutty because I'm a little nutty and also because I kind of look like a Brazil nut. Get it? It's funny!

So, I'm about to make a joke, boys and girls, are you ready?

Ha! Get it? May Day? Nutty cracks himself up sometimes! This is funny because it's May Day! And I'm saying Mayday! And not "May Day" like workers-of-the-world-unite May Day. Nutty himself isn't so sure about socialist stuff. I really believe in sharing, don't get me wrong. Sharing is good, boys and girls. But Nutty's Uncle Knackers tried to form a union once. He and all the other athletic cups went on strike once during the annual Pickersgill family reunion rugby game and the Pickersgill line died out pretty soon after that, and there was no annual rugby game anymore. Talk about cutting off your nuts to spite your face!

So, boys and girls, in the picture above, Nutty is saying May Day! because it's May Day, but also like the pilots do when they've been shot and they're plummeting rapidly to earth while their plane is being torn apart and consumed by the relentless flames of a searing inferno, and they scream Mayday! Mayday! into their radios as if anyone can stop them from dying a hideous, excruciating death. And that's funny because of how bad the Twins are!

Did you know "Mayday" actually comes from the French too? It's really "M'Aidez," which means, "For the love of god help me because I have to watch this train wreck from my front row seat strapped to Scott Baker's nads!" I don't really know why the French have a word for that, but it sure comes in handy, boys and girls, it sure does.

See you next week!

For Nutty! t-shirts, please see the BatStore!

(The white shirts have the lyrics on the back, the black shirts are plain.)