Twins at Texas. Twins 15, Rangers 5.

I don't know, you guys. This is a little embarrassing but, well, as you know Batgirl's a little under the weather, in other words her throat hurts like a 33-1 series loss and there's a whole Grip and Go jug full of mucus in her nose and she feels like Dennys Sampler Reyes has been rolling back and forth over her chest after eating several Dennys Samplers and so at times like this a (bat) girl needs a little chemical assistance, because she has serious duties, blogging duties, and neither rain nor sleet nor a nose-load of snot can keep her from recapping the game, except for weekends and also yesterday and maybe some other times, too. But the point is there are many fine products out there to help a girl out during times like this, and not all of them can be used to make meth. (And speaking of that, Batgirl and Jeb did their real estate disclosures the other day and you have to fill out a whole form about whether or not you have a meth lab on your property. Which Batgirl and Jeb do not, but even if you do—how many people who have meth labs in their houses are actually going to feel compelled to disclose it? But, anyway, you also have to disclose whether or not there are any human remains—if that nice family in Poltergeist had only checked their disclosures, none of that might have happened—but you don't have to disclose whether or not the house is haunted. And, frankly, pretty much the first thing BG wants to know when she buys a house is, Um, hey, is this haunted? Meth lab is probably seventh or eighth between dog pee pee spot and black hole.)

Anyway, one of those fine (bat) girl-helping products is Theraflu. Theraflu has saved BG's life on many an occasion and she heartily recommends it to anyone with a cold, flu, or who just needs a quick lemon-flavored pick me up to help them get through the day. And every time she's taken it before, it's helped a good deal and she's had no side effects...no side effects at all, except for maybe a little logorrhea, but otherwise perfectly fine. What she means to say is never before has she hallucinated.

Don't get me wrong. These hallucinations were awesome. I mean, our line-up? You should see what they can do when you're hopped up on Phenylephrine. First, Li'l Rod leads off, which is sort of adorable in Holy-God-The-Red-Wings-Are-Our-Only-Hope kind of way. And then, well, he gets a hit. And then Mauer walks and Sweetcheeks gets a hit and Cuddles doubles (ooh, that's fun to say. Cuddles doubles, cuddles doubles, cuddles doubles…) and the doctor goes BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! and next thing you know there are five runs and we've batted all around the mulberry bush and the crazy thing is we're not done yet. The Twins keep hitting, Cuddles keeps doubling, Sweetcheeks draws a walk, Lew Fordwalker makes a balletic catch, and Rondell White gets not one but two two two glorious hits in one game and we score more runs and more and even more! That makes fifteen runs if you're counting, and Batgirl can barely count that high, especially all hopped up on Theraflu, but you know what? It doesn't matter. If this is a dream, it's a beautiful dream and I'll drink Theraflu tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow to live in this beautiful dream again and the point is I can't recap the real game because I don't know what happened in the game you watched and maybe I don't even want to know because my game ruled. Or, as Bert Blyleven said in the game reset, "Six runs in the first inning really set the tone of this ballgame."

And how!