Kansas City at Twins. Twins 8, Royals 1.

Okay, Batgirl's pretty much dying because there's some kind of celebration going on right now with her boys, probably with lots of drum beating and bonfires and Robert Bly poetry, all led by a very naked Naked Batting Practice who might be wrapped in some sort of fur, although it's surely faux because NBP knows that Fur is Not Fashionable, or maybe it's tea cups and Emily Dickinson, the point is Batgirl doesn't know because she can't see it, MLB Extra Innings is there for the action but doesn't like to stick around to snuggle afterwards, if you know what Batgirl means. And during the eighth Dick N' Bert were sitting there talking about how awesome it's going to be to watch them celebrate, in whatever form (Iron John or Because I Could Not Stop For Death) and we're not going to get to see it. So somebody, put it on YouTube for Batgirl, will you? Then she can show it to Baby Boof and say, you see, my little Boof, all things in this world are possible.

Batgirl, frankly, has been weeping ever since Sweetcheeks hit number 30 on the year. She calmed down a little bit, and then the Doctor went yard for the first time in, like, forever, and she cried again, and as the Doctor went around the bases you could see him pursing his lips like he was trying so hard not to smile, and you could see he was almost as happy as Batgirl.

I'm not sure I ever really believed this was going to happen. Batgirl remembers when the Twins went on their tear and were getting close to .500, and after everything we had been through, even that seemed glorious. .500! Can you believe it? And then they kept winning, and kept winning, and Justin Morneau went boom boom boom and Joe Mauer went chip chip chip and there was the Kid and the President and all the bitches being sat down and it seemed like we were going to be the best third place team ever, and it didn't matter because we were winning, and we all thought, Wow, wait until next year. And then--

All these strange ill-fitting pieces—the midget erstwhile utility infielder cum third baseman, the prodigal shortstop back from exile, the bedimpled position-hopping right fielder with one last chance to show he belongs, the accursed first baseman who threatened to drown in his own potential, the once high-flying center fielder whose wings had been clipped, the pitching staff held together with prayers, fish glue, and a guy named Boof—they should never have fit together, but somehow they did and the result was so much more beautiful than these bright shiny baubles that sparkle so prettily on the great big-market brooches. And magically, in those ill-fitting pieces, we found superstars—not just the Cy Young pitcher and President of the United States of Batgirl, but the sweet swinging hometown boy, the golden-locked Canadian with lumberjack arms and potential to hit the ball many many mooseantlers, the Automatic closer, the Nathanest of Joes, who lost not a game this season, and, yes, that clipped-winged center fielder who hit his 30th home run tonight. But it wasn't just them, it was Punto, Bartlett, the resurgent Rondell, John Paul Bonser, Jason Renyt Tyner, Sideshow Pat and the Bullpen of Doom, Punxsutawney Phil, Naked Batting Practice's one man Pep Squad, and of course the One Armed Man who stared deep into the abyss and told it to go $%&! itself.

I didn't think it could happen, but it did. After being the assiest baseball team in the history of the world, the Minnesota Twins are going to the playoffs. And we can only sit back and marvel at the beauty of it all. Whatever happens from now on, I want you to remember this, not just this season, but every season, not just in baseball, but in life. I want you to show that YouTube clip you're going to upload for Batgirl to all your progeny and say, "See, my little Boofs, all things are possible, as long as you have heart."

Now, come on, guys. Time to go home, tuck yourselves into bed with your night shirts and hats and your stuffed TC Bears. We've got baseball to play.

BatUpdate: The Twins courtesy of moeszyslak on the Twins mlb.com message board...with a tip of the hat to Nora.