Cleveland Indigenous Peoples at Twins. Weekend Round-Up.
Friday. Twins 3, IP 2 (10 innings).
Saturday. Twins 6, IP 2.
Sunday. Twins 5, IP 2.
When Josh "Broccoli"* Rabe got the call that he was coming up to the bigs, you can forgive him if he looked to the heavens and screamed, "Nooooooooo!" Because there is something rotten in the Twins clubhouse and I don’t mean Lew Ford's flip flops. Outfielders are dropping left, right, and center—we lost three and a half this series (the bottom half of Jason Kubel) and Michael Cuddyer's looking a little jumpy. Terry Ryan has hired two full time body guards for Little Nicky Punto, Tiny Centerfielder, and Jason Tyner played the games this weekend like a man just trying to make his mark before he meets his maker.
We're still alive, man!
The rest of the Twins rallied the best they could, with Radke and Silva partying like it was 2005 (Now with more run support!), even keeping the Travishafner/Pronkzilla from doing any major damage, although BG did assume the crash position every time he came up. LNP ran the bases yesterday like there was someone chasing him with a knife and fork and Dr. Morneau showed Captain Cheeseburger that revenge is a dish best served by hitting the crap out of the ball. Then today Castillo discovered a fabulous way to get around the bases without pain, Cuddy hit his first homer in 81 at bats, and Rondell White—well, I don't know how to say this, really, so I'll just out with it—hit a homerun. And boy, were the Twins happy, especially LNP who could finally add White to his Comparative Butt Chart.
Let's see….firm, but not as firm as Torii's, with the pleasing smoothness of Morneau's….
It was a fun weekend to watch baseball, and whether fans packed the Metrodome because of the Twins hot play or because it was about 800 degrees Farenheit (the temperature at which blogs burn) here in Twins Territory is hard to say. On Saturday, Batgirl was musing that an indoor stadium might not be such a bad thing, if you really sat down and thought about it, but Batling Kurtis quickly pointed out that if CC Sabathia had to pitch in that heat he wouldn't last two innings. It was an excellent point.
Better yet, we got to see two, count 'em, two temper tantrums by the Indians—one was Mr. Sabathia after Morneau went very, very yard on him. He called out the whole grounds crew to come out and fix some groove on the mound, because clearly the groove gave up the dinger and it must die. Then after he flied out to end the game tonight, Aaron Boone went into the dugout and threw Gatorade cups all over the place, which is just so classy, because the cups were evil and made him fly out and must die. Batgirl sincerely hopes he cleaned them up afterwards.
So, to sum up: Twins Outfielders Down: 3.5; Temper Tantrums by Indians: 2; RBIs by Jason Tyner: 5; RBIs by Travis "Crash Position" Hafner : 1; Three-HR Games by Casey Blake: 0; Cheesebugers Eaten: 84; Gardy Ejections: 1; Earned Runs Allowed: 6; Bitches Sat Down: 26; Total Temperature : 2400; Victories : 3; Happy Batgirls : 1.
BatNote 1: Do not forget, the Joe Mauer Sideburn Contest is in full swing. The JMSCSHC has decided there will be winners in TWO categories: Actual Sideburns and Creative Expression. Photos are due to Batgirl July 28th. Start growing!
BatNote 2: Batgirl made the mistake of trying to code after midnight, and messed up the whole first graph of Thursday night's entry. As a result, the link to the very cool Mother Bear Project got obscured, not to mention a picture of a handknit men's thong.
*nickname courtesy of Twink.